


Southern Comfort

by Failte200



Category: Original Work
Genre: Complete, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 17:37:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13641180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Failte200/pseuds/Failte200
Summary: Caleb is a closeted super-star athlete in his small Louisana town, although he's the only one who thinks it's a secret..  It's up to his group of friends to convince him to come out, and even find him a boyfriend.  The boyfriend turns out to be a rising-star androgynous fashion model who lives 40 miles away.





	1. Everybody Knows?

Chapter 1 - Everybody Knows?

 

Darrin punched through his character options mechanically, not really caring about his choices.  His best friend since grade school, Caleb, was droning on about how he was thinking of asking Cindy Schendel out to the freshman school dance, and it was pissing Darrin off because he knew why Caleb was saying it.   He was always talking about some girl he was taking somewhere, and it was never the same girl twice, and Darrin knew exactly why.

 

So he was finally going to tell his best friend something he'd been wanting to say since sixth grade, but he already knew that it would be more like "confront" than just "tell".  There were reasons he should, and reasons he shouldn't.  It was the right thing to do.  Or maybe it would be the wrong thing to do, too.  It could even end their almost decade-old friendship, although he didn't think that was really likely.  But Caleb, next to him on the couch and also punching in his options, was just getting worse and worse with his "problem", and doing so faster and faster as the years went by.  Darrin was starting to get embarrassed for him.  It was making everyone else in the entire town uneasy if not quite sad - but they weren't going to say anything either.  So it was all up to Darrin and he knew that.  
  
The aforementioned town was Golden Meadow, Louisiana, on the last bit of dry land in the Mississippi delta before it all turned into marsh and swamp.  It was most famous for its speed trap, the source of almost all the town's money, but the locals seldom even gave that a thought.  It's entire population was just a little over two thousand.  Big enough for a Wal-Mart, but not a Super Walmart.  


Over the years Darrin had imagined a million scenarios about how he was going to start this, but as usual, nothing seemed right.  Well, to hell with it then, it was time to start anyway.  He punched the game console's power button, turning the screen black.  
  
"Dude - what the hell?", Caleb stared at him.  He looked angry; and an angry look on Caleb’s face could be a scary thing, even for his best friend.  He was a tough looking boy, an effect he purposefully added to with his high-and-tight military haircut.  His muscles also made it plain that he could back up that look with action, if he wanted to.  Finally, he was already, at 16 years old , getting facial hair.  He looked quite a bit older than he was, sort of like a very young Special Forces soldier.  But Darrin was used to all that - and besides, it wasn’t like Darrin was a pretty-boy either.  People always compared him to a bulldog.  
  
"You don't want to ask Cindy to the dance."  
  
"Is that so... and why the hell not?  Oh - you wanted to ask her?  Is that it?"  
  
"No, I don't.  I’ll be taking Rebecca as usual.  Because she’s my girlfriend.  But you don’t have a girlfriend.  You don’t even want one.  Uh... look, Caleb... we… we need to talk..."  
  
"So you just turn off the game?  Seriously, what the hell?"  Caleb had no idea what was coming, so he was still mad about that.  Plus, all this talk of “girlfriends” was making him nervous, so he needed to change the subject fast.  
  
Darrin wasn’t going to take the bait. "You only want to ask Cindy for cover.  Because..." Here Darrin sighed, working up the courage to continue with the Big Reveal: “... because you’re gay, Caleb.  You’re as gay as a three-dollar bill.  You need to come out, dude.”   _There, I said it.  Christ!_  
  
Caleb's mouth hung open as he panicked, but only for a little while.  After all, he, too, had a plan for how to handle this should it ever happen.  It's just that he'd come to think that it never would, so he couldn't remember all the possibilities he'd scripted.  Knowing he couldn't wait too long, he grasped at a straw and responded with a simple but plausible -  
  
"What?"  
  
Darrin looked over at him with a mixture of sadness and frustration - he'd really hoped that Caleb would just admit it once confronted.  Since he didn't, Darrin knew that this was going to go on for awhile.  
  
"You're gay, Caleb.  Are you really going to make me go through all this?"  
  
"Go through all what?  And no, I am not.  And also - fuck you."  A stalling tactic.  Caleb was still panicking.  
  
Darrin's frustration gained the lead in his head.  "What the hell are you even afraid of, man?  It's not like anyone's going to make fun of you, or bully you, or _anything_ !  Of all people, and all places, it should be easier for you than... than it would be for anyone else!  You're the town's STAR dude!  You’re the most popular person in school!  Maybe in Golden Meadow!"  
  
That was true, Caleb was about as close as a sixteen year old boy could get to being a celebrity in Golden Meadow.  He was the Top Jock, excelled in every sport he played, cheered on by absolutely everybody in town, at every game, of any kind.  And he was only a freshman, which just added to his celebrity.  Everyone expected great things of him.  Even if he was gay.  Being a star athlete overrides a lot of things in a small town - social standards, civil codes, sometimes even criminal law.  
  
"I'm not afraid of anything!  And... why do you even think I'm... gay?"  
  
Darrin caught that little pause before the word "gay" and it gave him some heart.  It meant that Caleb knew that Darrin knew, and ought to make this a lot easier.  
  
"Okay dude... you're not going to want to hear this, but I can't think of a better way to say it.  I've tried, for years actually, but I can't.” Darrin paused to take a breath,  “It's your eyes, man.  Every time you see a good-looking guy, your eyes go right to his crotch.  And stay there.  And the bigger the bulge, the longer they stay there.  You've been doing that since fifth grade."  
  
"Fuck you -  I do not!  I’m just -"  
  
"Caleb... you even do it to ME!  And I'm not nearly your type!  Not to mention that you know that I'm straight...  I mean... god man... You need to come out so you can get a boyfriend and _mmaaaaybeee_ start enjoying life!  You’re bring everybody down the way you are now!  EVERYbody!"  
  
"Fuck would you know about 'my type'...", Caleb replied sarcastically, not making any connection with his friend’s use of the word ‘everybody’.  
  
Darrin sighed and stared at the black tv screen, "Pretty face, long hair, big cock."  
  
With that, Caleb knew that he was defeated - those were his top three likes.  For Darrin to know that much meant it would be stupid for Caleb to keep denying it.  Caleb let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding and sunk back on the couch in resignation.  He remained quiet a long moment, just letting it sink in.  This was bad.  This was going to change everything.  There was one ray of hope - maybe only Darrin knew.  He could handle that, probably.  
  
"I didn't think anyone ever noticed..." he said dejectedly, "Why didn't you ever say something?  You just let me go on making a fool of myself for...what?  Years?" Trying to put blame onto Darrin was a desperate tactic, and even as he was doing it Caleb felt ashamed.  
  
_Bingo_ , Darrin thought, _at least he admits it now_ . "I wanted to - but then I thought 'It's none of my business'.  And I always just figured you'd tell me eventually, that you'd come out eventually... but you never did.  And now you're getting so bad about it... dude, everyone notices."  
  
He heard it _that_ time - "Everyone?  You mean _everyone_ knows?! But no one ever says anything?”

 

“We all know that you don’t want us to know, alright?  But yeah, ‘everyone’.  Sorry, man.”

 

“Is... are they all making fun of me?", a whole slew of new and fearsome thoughts now flooded Caleb's mind.  
  
"No, no one is making fun of you, swear to God.  No one even mentions it.  Seriously - it's like the whole town's Big Secret.  Everyone knows that you don't want them to know, so they keep quiet, even with each other.  People are starting to feel sorry for you, man, and I hate that, so I know you must hate it even more."  
  
Caleb could handle Darrin knowing, but the thought that EVERYONE  knew hit him hard.  Wait a sec -  
  
"Do...do my parents know?"  
  
"Your mom asked me if there was some way I could help you to come out in -"  
  
"Is _that_ why you're bringing this up now?  Because my _MOM_ asked you to!" Caleb cried in horror.  
  
"In seventh grade, Caleb.  Your mom asked me that when we were in seventh grade."  
  
After a full minute of stunned silence, all Caleb could say was, "Oh my god..."  
  
"Yeah.  Dude, I know this is embarrassing but-"  
  
"You don’t know shit!"  
  
"Okay, then I can _imagine_ this is embarrassing, but really - I'm serious - everyone's going to be perfectly cool with it.  I guarantee. You've got nothing to be embarrassed about.  Well, other than that you thought it was a secret.  Which is another reason to end it."

 

“Dude… fuck you.  Oh god…  I’ve had nightmares like this.  Fuck.  Fuck fuck FUCK!”

 

“Look, Caleb.  Maybe you’re too scared to understand -”

 

“I’m NOT scared!”

 

“You’re scared what people will think of you when they find out you’re gay.  That they’ll treat you different.  That they’ll think it’s weird.”

 

“Well… yeah - after all, I’m the only one.  That’s pretty different.”

 

“Yes it is.  Then again, in our little circle, Phan’s the only Asian, and Chester is the only black.  For that matter, Jeanette is the only girl.  Are they weird?”

 

“That’s different.”

 

“Fine, it’s different.  What you’re not getting is that they ALREADY know, dude!  Some of them have known since Junior High!  If they were going to think you were weird, they’d have done it by now, don't cha think?”

 

Darrin was right - Caleb hadn’t thought it through, because yes, he _was_ scared.  Damn though.  Caleb’s forehead wrinkled as he thought about that.  He was _already_ out, he just hadn’t known it.  And his friends were still his friends.  Weren’t they?

 

“So… _you_ don’t think it’s weird that I like boys?”, he asked, honestly wondering.  Caleb himself thought it was weird, so surely, he thought, everyone else must too.

 

“No.  No, I don’t think it’s weird that you like boys.  I don’t, but I get that you do.  No biggie.  Frankly, what’s weird about you is that you won’t eat crayfish.”

 

“ _That’s_ what’s weird about me?”

 

“Your last name is Thibodeaux.  You’re full-blood Cajun, coonass to the core.   But you won’t eat crayfish.  Yeah, man… that’s really weird.”

 

“They eat shit.  They literally eat shit on the bottom of the swamp.”

 

“And oysters filter shit out of the water, but you like those just fine.  You even eat their stomachs, full of that shit.  And you eat them raw and alive, when you get the chance.”

 

“... fuck you.”

 

“A veritable fountain of eloquence you are.  As well as a master debater.”

 

“Fuck you.”  


* * *

 

“So Caleb, now that we’ve settled that, any idea how you’re going to come out to everyone else?”

 

“I figured I’d just leave it to you to spread it around…  I’m sure it won’t take long”, Caleb replied.  And the kids would tell their parents, and by the next day the whole town would be aware, he figured.  Simple.

 

“I could do that, sure.  And then everyone will think that you only came out to ME, and you’re still ashamed of being gay. Not a good idea, dude.”

 

“Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do?  Stand in front of the school with a Gay Pride flag?”

 

“That would be better, but it’s just not you, too in-your-face.  I have a better idea.  Hold on a minute”, Darrin said, getting up and padding away to his bedroom, leaving Caleb dumbfounded.  Darrin was certainly being awfully… helpful.  It was weird.  Just how long had he been planning for this?  And how thoroughly?

 

Darrin came back with a plain white bag with shipping stickers on it.  It was from Amazon.  He threw it to Caleb and plopped back down on the couch.

 

“Think of it as a present,” he said.  “I got it a long time ago - hope it still fits.”

 

It was a shirt.  A synthetic Under Armour polo, in white, but with the iconic spectrum of the Pride Flag slashing diagonally from shoulder to waist, front and back.

 

Caleb’s first thought was, _I can’t wear this!,_ but then he suddenly realized that indeed he could.  Given the circumstances, he was probably the _only_ kid in the school who could.  “Subtle”, he murmured sarcastically.

 

“Well, not all _that_ subtle, I know, but not nearly ‘shoving it down their throats’ either.  It’s actually pretty classy, I think.  I agonized over a bunch of them for a long time.  Should it be loud?  Should it have words on it?  Should it be simple or fancy… there were a lot to choose from.  This one just looked perfect from the get-go though.  Whaddaya think?”

 

“So you expect me to wear this to school tomorrow, then…”

 

“Yup.  Oh, and don’t tell anyone that you told me first, okay?  They’ll think it was all my idea, and that you wish you were still in the closet.  We don’t want that.  We want you to be an out and proud gay man, all caps!”

 

Caleb looked askance at his friend, “How long have you been working on this?”

 

“You have no idea.  So you’ll do it, right?”

 

“I guess I’d might as well”, Caleb sighed, “From what you’re telling me, no one’s going to be surprised or anything anyway.”

 

“Right on!  This is going to be great!”

 

“Why does all this make you so happy?”

 

“Because it’s going to make _you_ happy, you idiot.  Oh, I know you’re not happy about it all right now - maybe you’re not ‘scared’, but you’re at least nervous.  Later on though, probably by tomorrow afternoon, I’m betting, you _will_ be happy, though.  Truly happy, for the first time in a long time.”

 

Caleb wasn’t so sure about that, but he’d learned a long time ago that Darrin was usually right about things like this.  “If I’m wearing this, then you’re driving me to school tomorrow.  I won’t get on the bus with this on.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I don’t want to have to go through it twice, okay?  Three times, actually - the bus stop, the bus itself, and then the school.  So you can just drive me.”

 

“Why don’t you just ride your motorcycle?”

 

“Because I want you with me, okay?  Now wipe that smirk off your face before I do it for you, and turn the console back on.  We’re done with this conversation.”

 

“I can’t wait ‘til you meet the yaoi fangirls…”

 

“What’s a yaoi fangirl?”

* * *

  


The yaoi fangirls turned out to not be a problem.  They like cute pretty-boys, and they like them in couples.  A single, hairy, masculine-looking gay boy who looked like a man didn’t punch their buttons.  Darrin was disappointed.  

 

In fact, the whole thing was a non-event.  Other than a smattering of “Congratulations” from friends and teammates, no one said anything at all, even the teachers.  Caleb was half-expecting to be told that his shirt was “inappropriate” and to change clothes - it had happened before, to other kids, for other reasons - but that didn’t happen.  By lunchtime, he’d forgotten he even had it on.

 

He was reminded once he sat down at the lunch table though.  His circle of friends always sat at the same table.  This had been going on so long that they each had unwritten but assigned seats.  Caleb had to endure several more congratulations and a few back-slaps, and over-heard many mumbled “‘bout time”s and “finally”s.

 

People ate and exchanged small-talk; the weather, bitching about tests, the baseball team.  Darrin ate quickly so that his mouth wouldn’t be full once he got down to business.   The son of an offshore platform manager, he ran the lunch table like a committee meeting:

 

“All right guys - and Jeanette - we’ve got work to do now. We’re going to have to find Caleb a boyfriend”, he said, matter-of-factly.

 

Caleb was taken aback, “What?” But the rest of the gathering merely nodded and grunted in agreement.  It seemed obvious to them.  Still, Caleb felt that he ought to be incensed, although he wasn’t sure why.  “I can find my own boyfriends, thank you very much!”

 

“Dude… no you can’t. *I* couldn’t, and I’ve tried everything I can think of.  The nearest Gay/Straight Alliance is in New Orleans - even Lafayette doesn’t have one.  Same deal with PFLAG.  So we basically aren’t going to get any help, it’s up to us.”

 

“Fuck do you mean ‘you couldn’t’?  Have… have you been scouting for a guy for me?”  This was turning embarrassing.  Caleb didn’t know what PFLAG was and had never heard of the Gay/Straight Alliance, but he let that go.

 

“Yeah.  And it’s not easy man… we already know there’s not another gay boy in our school.  Not even one who’s suspicious.  I’ve asked my family members in other towns who have teenage kids, and the kids themselves, but no one knows anyone, from Cut Off to Fourchon.’

 

“You’ve been TELLING everyone about me?”

 

“Give me some credit man, of course not.  I made sure you weren’t even a suspect by making up an imaginary classmate.  Calm down.”

 

The rest of the circle ignored Caleb’s outburst, “I have relatives in Grand Isle and La Rose”, one offered.  “I can handle highway 90 all the way to Morgan City”, said another.

 

Caleb was starting to feel left out of his own party, “God people, come on.  There HAVE to be more gays around than that!  It’s not like we’re all THAT rare!”

 

“Oh, there are - but consider this.  He’ll have to be within two years of your age, older better than younger.  If you were thirty years old, even ten years wouldn't matter, but at your… our age, two years is about as far as we can go.  And then, of course, he’ll need to be ‘your type’ or you won’t be interested.  You’ll have to be his type, too.  So the field narrows down pretty quickly.”

 

“This is ridiculous.  My type.  The fuck would y’all even know about…” he glanced at Darrin half in fear.

 

The whole table (except Darrin) said in unison, “Pretty face, long hair, big cock.”

 

Now Caleb’s fear turned into anger, “You _said_ you weren’t going to tell anyone!  It was YOUR idea to make it look like I came out on my own!” he said accusingly.

 

Darrin face-palmed.  “Dude, I didn’t.  But you just did.”

 

“Then how the fuck does everyone know-”

 

Phan, the representative from Southeast Asia spoke up, “It was pretty obvious, man.  Remember that trip to Six Flags?  The staffer at the Titan roller-coaster?  You were drooling so hard.”  

 

“Or those two lifeguards at the SPAR waterpark?”, chimed in Chester, “Your tongue was almost hanging out.”

 

“Well to be fair, those guys were sporting quite the packages”, said Jeanette, the only other fan of “packages” at the table.

 

“Jesus fucking Christ…” Caleb moaned.

 

“Hey - even _I_ thought some of those guys were cute, Caleb”, said Dustin, the sole A student of the group, “Not as cute as you did, for sure.  I mean… it showed, man.  Don’t feel bad.”

 

Caleb glanced at Dustin just to see if “it showed” meant what he thought it might.  The look on Dustin’s face made clear that it did.

 

“OKAY” Caleb shouted, hoping it would put an end to what he thought of as harassment, “I get it.  I’m obvious. God!”

 

“None of us can help liking what we like, dude.  Chester over here can’t stop staring at boobs, for instance”, Darrin offered.

 

Jeanette agreed, “It’s true.  He really can’t.”  As proof, she created extra cleavage by squeezing her arms against her breasts.  Chester noticed immediately.

 

“And Dustin is well known for his butt fetish”, Darrin added.

 

“And _you_ like feet, you weirdo” Caleb said by way of payback.  Darrin only nodded in slight embarrassment.  “Fine then, you guys find me a boyfriend.  And get it right - it’s ‘pretty face, big cock, long hair’.

 

Everyone chuckled.  “Wow, we were WAY off”, said Jeanette.

 

Darrin clapped his hands together, “Right then - we’ll meet after school at my house to divvy up the area and assign tasks.  Meeting adjourned.”  

  



	2. Cutiepie

Chapter 2 - Cutie-Pie

 

“Hey guys - I think I found one!” Jennette yelled from her  recliner in Darrin’s living room.  The whole group was there, each on their cell-phones with a notepad in front of them, calling around trying to find a boyfriend for Caleb.  Darrin’s father was offshore and would be for the next month.  His mother was playing bingo at the church, and would be for the next four hours.  Darrin’s house was one of the larger ones amongst the circle, plus it was approximately centered between them all and the school, so it made a natural meeting place.  Caleb was playing baseball somewhere.  One doesn’t become a star player by hanging out with their friends.

 

“Report!” Darrin demanded.  Treating the affair like a military operation was a running joke now.

 

Jeanette ran down the known facts: “17 years old, and single just like all the others.  His sister says he’s cute, never had a boyfriend, and he sounds pretty decent, at least according to her.  Might be worth a field-trip?”

 

“Where’s he live?”

 

“Raceland.”

 

“Whoa, that’s almost forty miles away.  Kind of at the end of our range.  What was the sister like?”

 

“Enthusiastic.  Actually… bizarrely enthusiastic, to tell the truth.  She’s a year younger than him.  Oh, and his name’s ‘Josh’.”

 

“See what else you can find out about him.  We’ve had enough surprises and blind alleys over the last three days, I don’t want to waste the gas on another one.”

 

“Roger that, sir!”

* * *

  
  


Raceland, Louisiana, the next day:

 

“Okay! - Jesus Becky, what the hell is it you -  Wait.  Who are all these people?” Josh asked, after being dragged against his will out the front door. The Golden Meadow team was arranged in irregular battle-formation on the circular driveway in front of Josh’s house. 

 

Becky didn’t bother saying anything, she just wanted to observe the transaction, not take part in it.  She pointed to Jeanette, signaling  _ you’re on! _

 

“Hi, uh… oh! Hi Josh”, Jeanette greeted him from the front of the group of seven people.  She’d been delegated to be the spokeswoman, the thinking being that a woman would seem least threatening in this situation.  But she was having a little trouble thinking straight because Josh was, as promised, really cute.   _ REALLY _ cute.  As in god- _ damn _ , man.  Cuter than his sister, even, and the sister was a fox in her own right. 

 

“I’m Jeanette, I talked with your sister yesterday.  So, uh, look, there’s no way to say this that doesn’t sound suspicious and creepy and maybe even crazy, but… we’re here to check you out and see if you’re potential boyfriend material for a friend of ours.”

 

Josh had to let it sink in for awhile - but really, it wasn’t all that crazy.  He was well aware how difficult it was to find a gay boyfriend in the wetlands of southern Louisiana.

 

“This ‘friend’ is a guy, right?”  He asked just to make sure.

 

“Yep.  Freshman, sixteen years old.”, Jennette replied, and then just couldn’t help herself, and added, under her breath, “Ohmygod you’re so pretty…”  Under her breath perhaps, but still audible.  

 

Truth is, she was only saying what the rest of the group was thinking.  Some of them were standing there with their mouths hanging open in awe.  They’d never seen a boy who was prettier than most girls - and yet still obviously a boy - before.  Chestnut-brown hair done in an emo-slice but without gel, perfect light chestnut skin, cheek-bones, luscious bow-shaped lips,  _ seriously _ bright green eyes...  the entire Photoshop enhancement toolbox, it was all there.  He even had noticeable hips.  It was giving the boys some complicated feelings.

 

Josh paid no attention - he’d been hearing about how pretty he was all his life.  But this… This was an unusual situation, sure, although still not quite beyond belief.  Besides, over the years Josh had become used to unusual situations.  While visiting New Orleans with his parents as a child, the family had been approached by a modeling agency scout.  He’d been ten years old at the time.  And he’d been a full-time male model - as much as was possible for an underage schoolboy - ever since.   Which was nice and all, but because of that he’d become jaded about being pursued for his looks.  The business-end of beauty is vicious and brutal, and it had left its mark on him.  Not to mention being hit upon by a seemingly endless parade of middle-aged men who also worked in the industry.  He’d never accepted an invitation (he thought they were gross), nor had he ever been actually molested, but the opportunity was always there, and he just became accustomed to it.  

 

“Okay, I get what’s happening.  Or at least what you want me to  _ think _ is happening.  But I don’t recognize any of you.  Where’re ya from?”

 

“Golden Meadow.”

 

“Wow…”, replied Josh, actually impressed.

 

“Yeah, a long way off, we know, the radius keeps expanding.  But now I’m thinking ‘jackpot’!” Jeanette beamed at him.  

 

Josh folded his hands together and rested his chin on them while standing there - his habitual “thinking pose”.  While these kid’s story might be real, they also might just be looking for something to post on youTube.  “Okay, so what’s your next step, then?”

 

“Well, I guess we set you two up to meet, right?  Maybe at -” Jeanette began, only to be cut off by Darrin.

 

“We need you to see if he’s  _ your _ ‘type’.  We already KNOW that you’re his - we’ve all known him for a long time - but it’s gotta go both ways.  Right?”

 

That sounded reasonable, but still not above suspicion. “Okay, so is he cute?”  To teenage boys, gay or straight, this was of paramount importance, even if it wasn’t something they were necessarily proud of.

 

“Uhm… well…” Darrin hesitated.  He didn’t realize that the word “cute” has many meanings, depending on the preferences of the person saying it.  What a gay boy calls “cute” might be vastly different from what a straight one does.  Darrin simply couldn’t imagine any circumstance under which Caleb could be called “cute”. 

 

Darrin’s unwillingness to answer that question caught Josh’s interest.  Because at 16,  _ most _ boys were still “cute” as in “girly” - and “girly” wasn’t Josh’s thing.  At all.  Even Josh thought that it was incredibly ironic, since he himself was about as “girly” as a boy could get without makeup.

 

“I see…” Josh said contemplatively.  “You, girl.  Is he cute?  And what’s his name?”  Josh had been thinking about the complications of “cute” for longer than anyone else there, including his sister.

 

“I’m Jeanette.  And yes, he is, I guess just not in a way a straight boy would think, though.  Name’s Caleb.”

 

“Aaaand… Caleb likes cute boys?  Cute like me, I mean?”  Josh was painfully aware that most gay men didn’t go for girly-boys, at least not once they were out of high-school. He’d been shot down many times ( _ every  _ time, actually) by older men.  Apparently it was something people - girls as well as gay boys - just kind of grew out of.  He figured that there must always be exceptions, but he’d never run into one so far.  Hold on… but Caleb wasn’t an adult, according to these people.  So what… what exactly was Josh hoping for?  He abandoned that train of thought because it was going into scary territory.

 

Again, Jeanette answered, “Oh yeah.  Totally.”

 

“Who’s got a picture of him?” Josh asked the group.

 

“Oh, I do”, Darrin answered and swiped at his phone a few times, then held it out towards Josh, simultaneously walking up within arm’s reach.  “It’s from a trip to N’awlins last fall, to see the Aquarium of the Americas.”

 

“Hmm.  This guy’s really 16?  If you say so, but I’m going to need something shirtless.  Anyone?”, Josh asked as Darrin resumed his place in formation.

 

“Oh, me!” Jeanette cried, “From the waterpark.  Yeah, this should be what you’re looking for.”  She too held out her phone.  

 

On it Caleb sparkled wetly in all his muscled, hairy glory, although Josh would have preferred Speedos instead of the basketball-style swim trunks he had on.  But daaaaayum, man....  

 

Josh actually lost his cool - and his cool was  _ very _ important to him.  “Oh, fuck  _ me _ ”, he whispered.  Only Jeanette could hear him though.  She had to grin.  Jackpot indeed.

 

After clearing his throat in an attempt to regain some composure, Josh said, “Okay - I’m in.  Probably.  Now tell me what’s wrong with him.”  Because Caleb was just a little  _ too _ perfect.  Were these people trying to set him up for a prank?  Or was there some other problem… maybe he was a delinquent of some kind, or in a gang, or a stoner?  There had to be  _ something _ , just to preserve the balance of the universe.  It didn’t occur to Josh that most people thought the very same thing about his own beauty.

 

“What?”, Darrin asked, mildly insulted, “No… no, there’s nothing  _ wrong _ with him!  He’s my best friend since grade school.  Well… okay, he hates crayfish.  There.  For a Cajun, that’s pretty ‘wrong’.  But that’s it.”

 

Josh’s ears perked up.  “He’s Cajun?”

 

“Yeah.  So?  I am too.  We’re from Golden Meadow… most people there are.”  The term ‘Cajun’ doesn’t usually carry any negative connotation, but Darrin knew that there  _ were _ people who thought it equated to a marsh-land version of ‘hillbilly’.

 

“Don’t get all defensive - it’s a plus.  I know a lot of Cajuns.  They’re totally loyal to their family and friends.  And they don’t play tricks on people.  So you’re his best friend, huh?  And you’re straight?”

 

“Uh… yeah…”  The fact that his best-friend was gay while he himself was straight had never even seemed odd to Darrin, so he couldn’t imagine what difference it would make to anyone else.

 

But to Josh, it was just another green light.  It meant that these strangers were probably okay, and maybe even cool.  “Okay then.  I’m in.  Let’s all go inside and talk about what we’re going to do next.  It’s hot out here.”

 

Josh’s sister Becky finally spoke up, “Yay!” she said, applauding.

 

* * *

 

“So what’s he into?” Josh asked, once lemonade and RC Cola had been distributed.

 

“Sports”, all the Golden Meadow group said at the same time.

 

Josh sighed, “Of course.”  With muscles like that, it was almost inevitable.  “Playing them or watching them on tv?”

 

“Both” they all said again, not quite in unison this time.

 

“Well… fuck”, Josh sighed again with even more dejection, wondering if he’d actually be able to put up with that.  “Seriously - nothing else?”

 

“He doesn’t have time for much else”, Adam offered.  Everyone nodded.  “What about you?”

 

“I’m about half otaku and half movie nerd.”

 

His sister corrected him, “Actually, he’s ninety percent otaku and maybe ten percent movie nerd.  Most of his favorite movies are all anime.”

 

“This could be a problem” Darrin said, “Caleb hates anime.  I’ve tried to show him some.”

 

“You’re otaku?”

 

“Not really, but I know what it means, anyway.”

 

“What did you show him?”

 

“Dragon Ball Z and Gundam. He said they were both stupid.”

 

Josh brightened, “Ah ha.  Well okay then, I think so too.  All hope is not lost.  Maybe I can get him into a sports anime…”

 

“There’s sports anime?”

 

“Yeah, and I happen to really like them, in fact. Let me guess - you think it’s all about Pokemon.  My Dad used to think it was all like Speed Racer.  You people only know what you see on American tv.  Anyway, good.  How’s he feel about Lord of the Rings?”

 

“I don’t think he’s ever seen it.  Any of them.”

 

“The Matrix?”

 

“Now  _ that _ one he liked.  A lot.”

 

“Alrighty then.  Hopefully we can find  _ some _ common ground, anyway.  Oh - this is important: does he dance?”

 

Jeanette took over, “Sure, country two-step, Zydeco, pretty much any line dance…”

 

“How about waltz or tango?”

 

“Well, he can waltz, sure.  Don’t think he’s ever even had a chance to tango....”

 

“That’s okay - waltz is enough for starters.  Because, just FYI, I’m into ballroom.”

 

At the time, none of them could have guessed what a bombshell that last statement was. 

 

* * *

 

“Well, did you guys have a good time searching for queers in Southern Louisiana today?”, Caleb asked as he entered Darrin’s house without knocking. He never knocked.

 

“Yeah, found a guy who wanted to take a dump in your mouth. I told him I’d see how you felt about that”, Darrin shot back.  Caleb glared at him with death in his eyes.  Darrin continued, “We’ve been doing this for  _ you _ , asshole.  Be a little grateful.  Anyway, yes, we actually did have a good time ‘searching for queers’, and found a really cool one.  He fed us boudin balls and everything.  You’re meeting him tomorrow in Cut Off, dinner at Alzina’s.”

 

“Okay okay, I’m sorry if I sounded… ungrateful.  Thank you - all of you - for finding me a boyfriend.  But… I mean… it just feels a little weird being set up for my first date - and with a boy - by you guys, y’know?  It’s embarrassing.  Give me a break.”

 

“Yeah, I can kind of see that.  But hey, we’re done now.  Assuming you want to see him again, that is.  Preeeeety sure you will, though”, Darrin winked at Jeanette while Caleb wasn’t looking.  Jeanette tried to hide her smile.

 

“So who is he?  What’s he look like?  How big’s his dick?”

 

“If you don’t stop showing your ass we can still call the whole thing off.”

 

“Yeah yeah, I’m sorry again.  It’s just... a blind date?  And  _ you _ all know him now but I don’t?  Wait.  What did you tell him about me?” 

 

Adam spoke up, “That you like sports.  But he doesn’t, so don’t talk about sports.  In any way.”

 

“Well what the fuck  _ can _ I talk about, then?” Caleb asked, worriedly.  Sports were his life. If he couldn’t talk sports, he was going to be in trouble.

 

Phan took a turn, “Anything else.  School.  What’s there to do in Raceland.  Find out what he likes to do, eat, watch, whatever.  We can tell you that he likes dancing.  Find out what kind and where he goes to do it.”

 

“It’s a first date, Caleb”, Jeanette said with a note of exasperation, “It’s basically just hanging out together and trying to figure out if you want to have a second date.  And if you do,  _ maybe _ a kiss - no tongue - goodnight.  That’s all there is to it.”

 

That sounded easy enough.   _ Maybe I’m worrying too much… _ Caleb thought. “Dinner at Alzina’s, huh?  Not a very private kind of place…”  Alzina’s was a restaurant built to look like a barn.  Inside were all long tables with twenty chairs at each one.  There were no booths.

 

“It won’t be busy on a weekday evening, don’t worry about it” Chester said. He loved Alzina’s.  “Get the crayfish jamb-, I mean the  _ shrimp _ jambalaya.  You’ll be glad you did.”

 

“Yeah, I’ve been there before.  Okay then, so please… I mean,  _ please! _ tell me about this guy you found then.”

 

Jeanette took the lead again, “Josh Viator, 17 years old.  Likes anime and movies.  Drives a 2012 Subaru Forester, green. Cute.”

 

“Him or the car?”

 

“Idiot.  Him.”

 

“Oh, so he  _ is _ cute then?  Well that’s good. Got a pic of him?  And I’ll need his number, too.”

 

Darrin took over again, “We showed him pics of you, so we figured it was only fair to show you pics of him.  But we’ve decided that you’ll have to get his phone number yourself.  He doesn’t have yours, either.”

 

“Why are you -”

 

“Because we’re trying to do this right, dude, and we really don’t know how.  It’s not like any of us have experience setting up blind dates, or gay dates, or blind gay dates.  We’re guessing and hoping for the best.”

 

Caleb’s mood softened.  Yeah, Darrin had a point.  It’s just that he had never been on a date either - not counting cover-dates with girls, which he only just now realized had all been a complete waste of time and energy.  His friends were just trying to do right by him.  He really should be more grateful.  “Okay, okay… I get it.  And guys?  Thanks for all this.  Really.  So let’s see then.  C’mon!  This is actually getting kind of exciting…”

 

Now  _ everyone _ had to hide their smile.  Darrin handed over his phone.  “Here ya go”, was all he said.  Like it was no big deal.  

 

Caleb took the phone and stared.  And stared.  And stared.  His face developed worry-lines.  He stared some more.   Suddenly he looked up away from the phone, but not at anyone in the room… more like into deep space.  It looked like he was about to say something, but then looked back down at the phone again. And stared. Finally, not looking up, he asked, voice cracking,  “A-Are there any more?” 

 

Of course there were more. The first five pics of Josh were with his shirt on, solid white, nothing special.  The subsequent five pics were all topless, and after those were professional, modeling-agency head-shots of just his face. But Caleb hadn’t even swiped-left once so far - he was still on the first one.

 

“Yeah, there’s more”, Darrin answered simply.  The gathering was all grinning by this time, unable to hide it any longer.  They waited patiently and counted Caleb’s swipes. They were all literally on the edges of their seats as Caleb swiped for the fifth time.

 

“HAAaaa”, he gasped.  He actually gasped, with his mouth continuing to hang open afterward.  But the group’s grins were slowly disappearing because Caleb didn’t look all hot-and-bothered like they’d been expecting.  He look scared.  He looked  _ panicked _ . 

 

“Guys…” he began, setting the phone carefully down on the coffee-table in front of him, “I… I can’t do this.”  He looked around at the various faces, obviously without actually seeing them.  He got up and began making his way to the front door.  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all… the trouble you guys went to - but I just can’t…  I’m sorry!” he cried as he slammed the door behind himself and ran away.

 

Everyone sat there stunned.  Chester finally broke the silence with, “Didn’t see  _ that _ coming…”

 

“Yeah. Uh… I’d better go find out what’s-” Darrin began.

 

“I’ll do it”, Jeanette interrupted him and got to her feet along with Darrin.

 

“Huh?  Uh, look, Jeanette, I don’t wanna pull rank here, but I  _ am _ his best friend, so-”

 

“I know you are - but you’re also a straight boy.  I think this will go better if it’s just us girls.”

 

“Uh-huh.  I wouldn’t say it that way to him, if I were you…”

 

“I know you wouldn’t, Darrin”, Jeanette said from the doorway, “that’s exactly my point.”  Everyone sat stupefied and silent again as she closed the door behind her.

 

For Jeanette, Caleb’s unexpected behavior fit a lot of things she’d wondered about together.  She had a pretty good idea what was going on, and no, it wasn’t something a straight boy would understand.  She scanned for Caleb and found him holding himself up with both arms against the live-oak tree in the front yard, his shoulders still heaving.  _ He’s scared to death _ , she thought.   _ Well, I guess Josh’s looks are pretty intense, probably even more so to a boy who’s so into pretty-boys.  Shouldn’t have been a surprise. _

 

“Hey”, she said just to announce her presence.

 

“Jeanette… I figured Darrin would be coming out here…”

 

“He wanted to, but I told him that he should probably leave it to us girls to talk first.”  

 

Caleb let go of the tree and turned to face her with a questioning look.

 

“Oh, don’t get all fake-insulted to try and change the subject.  I already know that you know exactly what I mean”, she said.

 

Caleb deflated.  That had been his intention.  “Dammit, I can’t get away with anything with you people.  Christ.”

 

“Yeah, it must be tough, having all of us care about you so much, and willing to do whatever we can to make you happy.  I’m sure glad I don’t have to put up with that.”

 

“So… is that suppose to make me feel better?” he asked, trading barbs.

 

Jeanette sighed and leaned up against the tree, “No… sorry.  We’re getting off-track here, my fault.  Guess I’m not as mature as I thought I was.  So can you tell me what’s going on?”

 

“No.”

 

Caleb’s terse answer didn’t bother Jeanette.  She’d been expecting it.  “Josh is something else, huh?  You should’ve seen the boy’s faces when we first saw him.  It was actually pretty hilarious - but probably only to me. And maybe his sister.  She was there too.”

 

Hearing her talk about it was making the images of Josh that were already burned into his mind come to the front.  He forgot about the contest of wits with Jeanette and just said, a little breathless, “Fuck…”

 

“We all figured you’d find him totally hot - so they’re kind of wondering what’s going on right now.”

 

“He’s… he’s just… my god…” Caleb mumbled.  His mind was full of fog - chestnut-colored fog - and he couldn’t really think at all right then.

 

“Yeah, that’s exactly what you like, right?  What you find attractive.  He’s really pretty.”

 

“Uh…”

 

“And you’re not.”

 

It took awhile for that last line to sink into the confused, frightened state of Caleb’s mind.   _ And you’re not. _  But it slowly did, after several desperate attempts to find something,  _ anything _ , else it might mean.  No, Caleb was not pretty.  He knew that.  He often wished he were, but what with the muscles and body-hair, no, it just wasn’t going to happen.  He’d even considered shaving off all the hair from time to time, but it would’ve meant shaving EVERYTHING, face to feet, and it would’ve taken a really long time.  Besides, he didn’t have anyone to look pretty  _ for _ .  Until now.  But even if he did, it wouldn’t really help much.   _ No, I’m not _ , he thought with words,  _ I’m just not and there’s nothing I can ever do about it. _

 

He hated Jeanette for pointing that out. “Go to hell, Jeanette.”

 

She had expected that, too. “It’s weird that you don’t seem to know anything about gay culture.  I mean, I  _ know _ you’ve never talked to another gay boy, or man, but I’ll bet you never even searched the ‘Net.  Maybe you were afraid of what you might find, I don’t know.  Or maybe you have, but only for porn.  Boys are like that.  You don’t realize that you’re in a weird spot in the spectrum.  You like boys - but only boys that basically look like girls.  Most gay men are attracted to masculinity, not femininity. And the first thing a straight will tell you is, ‘Hey, if you like fem so much, why don’t you just date girls?’  But I know what you’d say.  You’d say-”

 

“Because girls don’t have cocks.”

 

“Exactly.  You really like cock.  Hey, I do too.  Right there with ya, sister.””

 

“Would you  _ STOP _ doing that!?”

 

“Listen to me, Caleb.  Just shut up for awhile and listen - you can be all mad later.  We’re both basically teenage American girls.   _ NO ONE _ in the  _ WORLD _ has body-image issues like we do, okay?  Now, you and me have them for different reasons - you think you’re ugly because you don’t look like what you yourself find attractive, and I think I don’t measure up to all the girls on tv, in movies, and in magazines.  God, the magazines.  Don’t get me started.  But it’s still the same issue, anyway.  Now me, I know I’m pretty good-looking, actually.  I know it in my brain, but in my heart I still think I SHOULD be prettier, like all those girls in the magazines.  But you… you don’t seem to realize how attractive you are  _ at all _ !  It’s kind of freaky.  Maybe it’s because of all the sports you play and hanging around with other guys almost all the time.  Or maybe it has something to do with your total disinterest in girls so you don’t even notice how they act around you.  Whatever.  Dude, you’re totally fucking hot!  As a straight girl, it kind of pisses me off that you’re gay, to tell the truth.”

 

Caleb couldn’t make up his mind about all the things she was saying.  Some were obviously true.  Other things  _ sounded _ true, but were hard to believe.  But that last bit was obviously a total lie.  At best, Caleb thought he was just a regular-looking guy.  He was entirely neutral about his own appearance.  Which was why he didn’t pay much attention to it.

 

“Nice try”, he said.

 

“Yeah, I know you’re not going to believe it just because you hear someone say it.  But dude, you should’ve seen Josh’s face when he saw a pic of you at the waterpark, shirtless.  He was… he was actually stunned!  He thinks you’re totally hot, Caleb.  If you won’t take it from me, then at least give him a chance to prove it to you, huh?”

 

The slew of what first sounded like insults, but then rang of truth, and followed by what appeared to be compliments, was going to take Caleb a long time to figure out.  But Jeanette had, just barely, convinced him that there might at least be a chance, and he wanted that chance with his whole body, heart, and soul.  Be that as it may, he still didn’t have a clue what to say now, and so let a long moment pass, avoiding her eyes.

 

Jeanette smirked, “You know, you only saw Josh’s first topless pic.  There’s four more…” 

 

“There is?” Caleb said with a look on his face that Jeanette would never forget.   _ I think I did it! _ , she thought.

 

“Yeah.  Oh - and none of this conversation leaves this… tree, right?”

 

Truthfully, with the mention of four more topless Josh pictures, Caleb had already forgotten most of it.  For the time being, anyway.

 

“Duh.  Besides, the boys wouldn’t understand.  It was just girl-talk.”

 


	3. First Date

_ A/N - just some advice.  If you don’t know what “Caramelldansen” is, google it.  Love it or hate it, it’ll be fun, just do it.  That’s the original Swedish name, but I rec you play the  Official English version (or whatever your language is, there’s lots).  _ **_Warning: earworm._ ** _ Also the idea for hashtag shirts - and the tag itself - was Lolly4Holly’s.  I got permission.  _

  
  


Chap 3 - First Date 

 

There were only two other groups of people in the restaurant; a family with three children, and another couple, all spread about equidistantly amongst the tables.  Because of that, the Zydeco music from the P.A. system, and the fact that there was no wait-staff at all, Josh and Caleb had no worries about being overheard.

 

“Actually, your friends said you were the  _ super _ -star jock in all of Golden Meadow…”, Josh said after the usual pleasantries had been exchanged and they were getting into actual conversation.

 

“Oh, well… yeah, I guess.  Everyone always makes a big deal over me, anyway”, Caleb replied a little uneasily.  Caleb simply liked to play the games, the ‘celebrity’ wasn’t actually his favorite part of being a… celebrity.

 

“Are you just being modest?  Because… who was it… Jeanette told a different story.”

 

“Well...Okay, yes, I’m being modest.  Give me a break.”

 

“Break given.  So what did they tell you about me?”

 

“Uhm, first of all, they said I shouldn’t talk about sports.  So there’s that.  And that you liked movies and anime.  I asked them for more, but they’d keep saying that I should find out for myself.  Wouldn’t give me your phone number, either, by the way.”

 

“Here, give me our phone.  I’ll input myself and then send a text to my phone.  Okay, well I’m also into dancing.  Ballroom, mostly.  And… I’m a… I’m a model.”

 

Although Caleb was having a hard time trying to act cool - or even like he had it together at all - with Josh sitting there only two feet away, he was still aware enough to catch the hesitation about “model”.

 

“A model?”

 

“Yeah.  A male model, like in ‘Zoolander’.  Didn’t you wonder why I look like this?  I thought it was pretty obvious…”

 

“Well… not really.  I just thought you were really, really...”, he paused trying to find better words, but finally settled on, “reallyreallyreally cute.  Wait.  Are you saying that that’s  _ not _ what you really look like?”

 

“No, this is the real me - I’m a natural femme and I’m not wearing makeup right now or anything.  But it takes a lot of work.  I’d still be pretty if I didn’t do the work, but I wouldn’t be  _ this _ pretty.  I wouldn’t be a model.  But I don’t wanna talk about that, I just wanted to make sure you knew, is all.  So what sports to you play?”  Josh wasn’t really interested in that, he just wanted to get the conversation off of modeling. He knew that lots of people were fascinated by it, but he wasn’t, and he was thankful that Caleb wasn’t part of that world.  He was getting sick of it.

 

“Oh, uh… well, I play everything they have at school, but baseball is my favorite.  But… I was specifically told not to talk about sports, Josh…”

 

Josh smiled, “Heh, yeah, probably a good idea, I don’t know squat about any of them.  Although, oddly enough, I  _ do _ like sports anime titles.  Pretty much all of them.  I just watched one about rugby last week, binged it for three nights straight.”

 

Caleb didn’t hear most of that.  When Josh had smiled, it had been like seeing the sun coming up after a morning shower at a mountain lake, and if he’d been asked, he would have even used those words (although he would have been embarrassed about it later).  It was breathtaking.  He’d  _ never _ seen anything like that before.  He didn’t even know that a smile could  _ do _ that.  He couldn’t help but whisper, “Hooooly fuuuuuck…” and then look away in embarrassment once he realized what he’d done.

 

Josh raised an eyebrow, but quickly realized what had happened.  “Oh, I smiled just then didn’t I...  Everyone reacts that way at first, don’t worry about it.  You’ll get used to it eventually.  Actually, you’ll get used to everything about the way I look, it just takes a little time, is all.” 

 

So he was back to talking about his appearance again.  He really didn’t want to go down that road - it was another part of his professional life; he was required to do that, and to listen to other people do that, and take training about that, all the fucking time.  “But I hear you aren’t into anime.  Maybe I can show you the baseball one sometime,  _ ‘Big Windup _ ’.  It’s really good.”

 

“Oh, uh… yeah… Uh…”  Seeing Josh’s appearance, hearing about Josh’s appearance, and talking about Josh’s appearance, were combining in Caleb’s head to befuddle him, and he couldn’t think of anything to say.  Even about baseball.

 

That happened to Josh all the time.  Sometimes it scared people off, even.  He didn’t want that to happen to Caleb.  Finding a boyfriend in this part of the world was hard enough, but to find one that was actually into femmes was against almost impossible odds.  Then there was Caleb’s muscles, and the body-hair that made him look older than he was - all pluses in Josh’s book.  He needed to keep Caleb.    

 

Josh made a point of not looking into Caleb’s eyes, which he knew would allow Caleb to look into his.  “Look, Caleb… I know how I look, okay?  I know what it does to people.  But please…  _ please _ just bear it for awhile.  It’ll get better, I swear.  I’d tone it down if I could, but I’ve already done that, so… this is as plain as I can get. But… Hey.  They told me that you dance.  There’s an arcade in Houma that’ll be open for another two hours.  Ever play DDR?”

 

“Yeah… I have one at home…”

 

“Great!  Me too.  So, your place, or mine, or Houma.  Your choice.”

 

Caleb was  _ way _ too nervous to be talking about ‘your place or mine’ on his first date.  “Let’s do the arcade one.  They’re the real thing.”

 

“Okay then… uhm… let me finish my iced tea, okay?”, Josh said, relieved that he’d managed to change the subject.  But there was another problem, which was the real reason he needed to delay long enough to ‘finish his iced tea’.  Caleb was wearing plain t-shirt with some sports team’s name on the front - Josh didn’t know or care which team it was - and Caleb’s biceps and shoulders were making him so hard that he was worried about how he’d be able stand up.  It could be a problem.  The boxers and casual light slacks he was wearing weren’t offering much restraint.  But he knew tricks to take care of that because it happened on the job as well.  So he started picturing the giant spiders from one of the Hobbit movies in his head.  But then he saw something -

 

“Dude”, he said very quietly, “I think I just saw your Japanese friend’s face in the kitchen door window…”

 

“Oh god.  I’m not surprised.  I’m sorry - my friends are morons.  And Phan is Vietnamese, by the way.” Caleb hid his face in his hands.  “Let’s just hurry up and get out of here.”

 

“Okay. Just a sec”, Josh said, gulping down the rest of his tea and as much of the crushed ice as he could with it.  Brain-freezes usually worked  _ really _ well in these situations, although it was obviously a last resort.

 

* * *

 

“Jesus, Josh - how old are you?”  Turned out that Josh was right - the effect did wear off, mostly, on the ride to Houma in Josh’s SUV.  They left Caleb’s motorcycle at the restaurant, planning for Josh to bring him back to it later once the date was over.  By now Caleb could almost feel his normal self around the other boy, although the smile still made him feel funny.

 

“You said I could pick anything.”

 

“‘ _ Caramelldansen’ _ ?  Seriously?”

 

“Just shut up and get on the platform.  You want a speed mod?”

 

“Nah.  But go ahead and set it to hard.  I’m pretty good at this.”

 

Josh smiled at that, and Caleb saw it.  But the effect this time was was one of impending evil, like the periscope of a nuclear submarine rising up in the ocean.  He wouldn’t have said it that way, though.

 

The music started, and the steps appeared on their twin screens.  “Hard” actually was pretty ‘hard’, and neither of them really had time to even glance at each other’s screens to see how they were doing, let alone at each other.  So Caleb didn’t notice when Josh stopped even trying to follow the steps.  Instead, he began dancing like the anime girls on the viral video he’d seen at home; all swaying hips and using hands for cat-ears, with a few side-steps here and there, but otherwise hardly moving his feet at all.  He jump-turned sideways, facing Caleb, to give him a better view, once he noticed.

 

The dance really was all about hips, and they weren’t “swaying” so much as “jerking” from one side to the other, as far as possible, and in time with the fast two-four-time music.  It was a dance only a girl could do well, because bone structure.   But Josh knew he could pull it off, and he did.  He could have pulled it off better in a mini-skirt - something he’d done before, for an ad campaign trying to sell, yes, mini-skirts - but even in slacks, it was still a thing to see.  Other arcade-goers stopped to watch.  

 

And finally Caleb, sensing something different going on at Josh’s platform, saw it too.  Josh was going all out, squinting his eyes in faux joy, with his mouth wide open just like the anime girls on youTube.  He was actually cute enough to look good doing that.  Caleb stopped to watch too.  By this time a crowd was gathering at the DDR station.  Some of them were doing the dance too, with varying degrees of success.  One of them who wasn’t was Dustin, the honor student of Caleb’s circle, in the back and wearing a dark gray hoodie with the hood up.  It hid his hair, most of his face, and all of the bluetooth transceiver in his ear.

 

Another of the crowd was a young man done up in biker regalia, complete with (fake) tattoos, standing there with his arms crossed over his chest and scowling.

 

Once Josh saw Caleb watching him, he pointed a finger at him and said “Do it!” just loud enough to be heard above the music.

 

“Josh… I can’t do  _ that _ …”

 

“Just do it, man!  C’mon!”

 

So Caleb shook his head in surrender and tried his best.  His best turned out to be more comical-looking than cute.  Luckily there wasn’t much of the song left to go. Once it was over, the crowd applauded lightly while both boys on the platforms bowed theater-style.  As the noise died down, a single dissenting voice was heard shouting, “Fucking FAGS!”  Of course it was the bike-less biker.  But no one paid any attention, including Josh and Caleb.  

 

Josh had heard it before - more than once - and Caleb only looked briefly to see who had said it.  Other than that, he didn’t really care, and said to Josh, “I hope you’re happy.  And you lost, by the way.”

 

“Oh, I did?  Damn, I feel so ashamed.  Let’s do it again, for real this time.”

 

So they did, and Josh won. They played a few other games, but never saw the biker man around again.  Darrin, Dustin, and the rest of the circle might have had something to do with that.

 

The closing of the arcade marked the end of their date, and Josh drove Caleb back to Cut Off to get his motorcycle and head home.  Instead of talking, they sang along to Josh’s playlist. Caleb couldn’t help but replaying Jeanette’s advice over and over.   _ MAYBE a kiss goodnight, no tongue. _  Caleb absolutely wanted a second date.  He wanted  _ more dates _ , no need to ascribe a number  - what number date it was no longer mattered.  Did that mean he could ignore Jeanette’s advice?

 

* * *

 

“Sooo… I guess it’s time for the goodnight kiss, right?”, Caleb asked.  They were both standing outside in the empty Alzina’s parking lot, next to Caleb’s street/dirt bike.  

 

“At least kiss, yeah”, Josh replied, but then had to backpedal upon seeing the other boys pained expression.  “Sorry, forget I said that.  I didn’t know if you wanted… nevermind.  It was only the first date after all, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

 

“I do”, Caleb quipped.  He’d thought about going further too, and had wondered about the possibility, but now that he knew it  _ was _ possible, he realized that he absolutely wasn’t ready for that.  “But yeah, let’s just leave it at a kiss for now.  I hope we’ll be having more dates.  But it sucks that you live so far away though.”

 

“We’ll probably be meeting here a lot.  Good thing the food is decent.  That was really fun, Caleb.  I... I wasn’t really expecting that.  Not that I know what I  _ was _ expecting, but…”

 

“Yeah, me too”, Caleb said taking a step forward into Josh’s personal space, and resting his hands on the other boy’s hips.

 

Josh half smiled, “You’re good at this.  Making the first move.  But you only barely beat me to it, you should know.”  Now Josh took the remaining half-step forward, pressing their bodies together, and put his arms around Caleb’s lower back.

 

“Not everything is a competition...”, Caleb replied back, and that was the end of the witticisms as they kissed, closing their eyes in unison.  No, there wasn’t any tongue, but that hardly made any difference.  In fact, the only reason Caleb had ever used his tongue when kissing - kissing girls on his cover-dates - was that he thought he was supposed to.  He never did get why, and just assumed that maybe he’d understand when he eventually kissed someone he  _ wanted _ to.  Well, this time he did want to - and badly - and he forgot all about “supposed to”.  They traded lips for a long time, a full minute, Josh’s between Caleb’s, Caleb’s between Josh’s.  They broke off because they needed more air - breathing from their noses just wasn’t enough anymore.  They were getting hot fast, and Caleb’s hands were already underneath Josh’s shirt, savoring the feel of the smooth skin of his torso and chest.  When their lips met again, their mouths were still open from just trying to breathe, but there was still no tongue.  

 

Josh’s hands were not under Caleb’s shirt - they were on his shoulders and moving down his arms to get a feel of those biceps he’d been staring at all evening.  He also got a feel of Caleb’s pecs and abs, but outside the t-shirt, not under it.  Caleb wanted skin, Josh wanted what was under the skin.  While Caleb was into feeling up Josh, concentrating on the sensations coming from his hands and fingers, Josh was more into just  _ knowing _ that he was touching various parts of Caleb.  What those parts actually felt like wasn’t what he was after.  As for the other side of the equation, Josh really  _ really _ liked being touched like that, it sent sparks down his backbone.  But Caleb was just kind of neutral about it, and merely enjoyed the fact that Josh wanted to touch him.  For the most part, Caleb wasn’t really paying much attention to what Josh was doing with his hands.  He’d been fantasizing about touching Josh ever since seeing those topless pictures on Jeanette’s phone, and now that it was actually happening, no, he wasn’t paying much attention to anything else at all.

 

Until he felt the other boy squeezing his penis, that is.  Josh had gotten his hand down Caleb’s pants without him even knowing it.  But still the kiss didn’t break off.  It only got more frantic.  They were having to separate every few seconds now just to breathe, and then collide right back together again with audible wet noises.  Without thinking about it or even realizing why he was doing it, Caleb began trying to lick-kiss Josh’s lips, and then tongue.  He wanted to taste more of Josh.  Josh immediately copied the technique, also unconsciously.  So that happened.

 

Josh squeezed, Caleb grunted.  He didn’t move his hand back and forth along Caleb’s cock - without lubrication that really doesn’t work  - so he just held on to the last handful of  cock and squeezed and released, squeezed and released, building up a rhythm. 

 

Within twenty seconds of feeling him do that, Caleb was getting close to coming.  If he came in his jeans it would be messy, but it was already too late for him to do anything about it, because it was already totally worth it.  

 

Arching his back and helplessly thrusting his hips so that the two boys were bumping zippers, Caleb husked, “Juh!… Juh!… Juh!”, which was as close as he could get to ‘Josh, Josh, Josh’ before he exploded into Josh’s hand. Caleb’s own hands weren’t feeling up Josh anymore, they were holding on to his sides, gripping, holding on for dear life.  His fingernails left indentations when he finally started to come down from his orgasm and let go.

 

He stumbled back against the car, his legs wobbly.  Meanwhile Josh wiped at his slick fingers with a handkerchief.

 

“Uhm… Caleb?”, Josh began apologizing”,  “I’m sor - I mean… I want you to know that I didn’t plan that or anything.  I just sort of… I couldn’t help myself. I really couldn’t.  Sorry about the mess.”

 

Between pants for breath, Caleb could only say, “Stop talking.”  He wanted to enjoy the moment, the serene feeling of the moment.  He didn’t need to hear any excuses.  His leg muscles were still trembling.  It felt good.  Eventually his head cleared enough to realize that Josh was still standing there waiting to be allowed to speak again.  

 

“Damn Josh… Okay, can I do you now?”  Notice that Caleb wasn’t asking  _ if _ Josh wanted a hand-job, he was only asking for permission.

 

“Uhm… I appreciate the offer, but I’m… I’m just way too embarrassed now.”

 

“Oh come on, you don’t think I can get you back up?  Pretty sure I can.  Some way…”  Having someone give you an orgasm gives one a lot of confidence, especially the first time.

 

“Then I’d be even  _ more _ embarrassed.  Look, when this started, we didn’t even know if we were going to  _ like _ each other, so neither of us prepared for… anything.  But we’ll be ready next time, right?”

 

“Fuckin’-A.”

 

“Right, so let’s just say goodnight for now, okay?  I’m all embarrassed and you’re all messy, I think we’ve accomplished enough.”

 

Caleb smiled and tried to take his weight off the car and stand in front of Josh.  He stumbled on the first step, almost falling.

 

“Whoa - careful there.  That must have been some orgasm…”

 

“No kidding.  Okay, you’re probably right; we’ll plan better next time.”  Caleb kissed Josh - on the cheek.

 

“Are you trying to make some kind of point?” Josh asked incredulously.

 

“Nah.  I just thought it’d be funny, all things considered”, Caleb smiled and chuckled, and then gave him another real kiss, but without the feeling-up as before.   “Well, alright then.  Good night, Josh. Talk to you tomorrow.”

 

After watching Caleb speed off on his bike, Josh got into his car, thinking to himself,  _ all things considered, huh?  Heh. _

 

And after  _ he _ left, Jeannette and Adam went home too.

 

* * *

 

Caleb

 

It’s Adam. Dude u know we were spying on u last night right?

 

Yea saw Phan at Alzina’s  U all r morons.

 

We also followed u 2 the arcade.

 

How?

 

Your phone GPS  Tracked u on an app.

 

Did u follow us back 2?

 

Me and J did. 

 

U saw?

 

We looked away for the good part.

 

But u know anyway  And J?

 

She knows 2  Were not telling anyone is what I wanted 2 tell u.

 

Good  u r  still idiots, tho.

 

Ur not mad?

 

Y were you following us?

 

b/c other places aren’t  like Golden Meadow.

 

Oic

 

???

 

Oh, I see.

 

so ok then?

 

I guess  Just keep ur mouth shut.

 

* * *

 

Friday, two days later, Caleb showed up at Darrin’s house for what was again down to a weekly meeting, usually just to make and check on plans for the weekend.  As always, due to baseball practice he was the last one there.  He stopped just inside the door, aghast.  Everyone was wearing the same black t-shirts.  #operationcaleb was emblazoned across their chests.

 

“Tell me that’s not a real thing…”, he complained, more annoyed than anything else.

 

Darrin explained, “Well… it didn’t  _ used _ to be, no.  Afraid it is now though.  We didn’t do it, swear to god. There’s only about eighty followers, though.  Not including us.”

 

“And how many tweets?”

 

Darrin looked down in shame, so Adam spoke up, “Last I looked, about fifteen hundred.  Probably over two thousand by now.”

 

“You fucking people…” Caleb said, obviously more distressed than actually mad.  He knew there’d be gossip about him after coming out, but he’d never thought about it getting to the internet.  “Whose idea was it, anyway?”

 

“I just thought it’d be funny  _ if _ there was a hashtag.  Didn’t think about anyone actually starting one…” Chester said guiltily.  

 

“I collected the money from everyone, and did the ordering, so I’m part of it too”, Adam admitted.

 

“ANYWAY”, Darrin said emphatically, trying to change the subject, “Will you be seeing Josh again?  When’s the next date?  Throw us a bone here!  You barely even told us anything about the first date at all.”

 

“Didn’t think I needed to, since  _ you were all there _ !”  He glanced at Adam and Jeanette, who were sitting together on the love-seat.  They’d been doing that a lot lately.  “Anyway, yes, I’m going to his house after practice tomorrow.  Y’all aren’t invited.  And… just so you don’t fucking  _ ASK ME _ about it, yes, I’ll be spending the night.  Now leave me alone.”

 

“Oh!  I’m just in fujoshi heaven!”, squealed Jeanette.

 

“What’s ‘fujoshi’ mean?”

 

“Yaoi fangirl.”

 

“What’s ‘yaoi’ mean?”

 

“Shounen-ai”.

 

“What THE FUCK does-”

 

“Boy’s Love, or BL.  It means gay male romance, Caleb.  It’s a thing.”

 

“And you’re a fangirl?  I should’ve known…”

 

“Oh, it’s not just me.  Adam is too, so he’d be a ‘fudanshi’.  I think Darrin’s starting to get into it as well.  Huh, Darrin?”

 

“Well…” Darrn hesitated, “Well, a little, I guess.  It  _ is _ incredibly cute, I have to admit.  But it’s not real.  I mean, it’s basically all the same stuff, with pretty much the same characters even, just in different situations.  It’s really clichéd...”

 

Jeanette defended her fandom by saying, “Hey! When you find something that works, you stick with it.”

 

* * *

 

“Josh, are your folks home?” Caleb ask as Josh let him in the door.

 

“Nope.  Mom’s visiting her sister, and took Becky with her.  She’ll be back sometime in the morning.  Dad died when I was five.”

 

“Oh… uh, sorry, man.”

 

“Like I said, I was five.  I don’t remember much.  Anyway, let’s just get this up-front: we’re going to have sex, right?”  Josh wanted to be absolutely sure about the purpose of the ‘date’ this time so that there would no excuses.  They’d been planning via text-message for days now.  They’d both admitted to being virgins, but also both guessed that they’d “be able to figure it out”.  Since they were both boys, they assumed that that fact alone would alleviate a lot of first-time fumbling.

 

“That was the plan”, Caleb admitted, “Did you ‘prepare’?”

 

“Heh, yeah.  I think I got everything.  So, you wanna eat something first or just go right upstairs…”

 

“Actually, I’m starving.  I came here straight from baseball practice.  I should take a shower first too.”

 

“No problem.  I’m sure you can find the bathroom upstairs - no one else is here so just keep trying doors.  I’m guessing you have fresh clothes in your backpack, then?”

 

“Among other things, yeah.  I’m prepared too after all.  Next time we should trade notes so we don’t both bring the same stuff.”  

 

“Good idea.  Okay, you shower, I’ll heat some stuff up.  Meet you in the kitchen.”

 

“Roger that”, Caleb said, all business.

 

“Oh yeah, that reminds me: hashtag operationcaleb?”

 

“God.  I’m sorry.  It wasn’t my idea.  How do you even know about that?”

 

“Becky showed me.  It’s okay, I think it’s cute.”

 

“You would”, Caleb replied somewhat sarcastically.  Why was everyone  _ else _ so easy-going about these things when he wasn’t?

 

* * *

 

“Toaster waffles?  Are you kidding me?” Caleb was chagrined. He didn’t even think of them as ‘real food’.

 

“Well what did you expect - étouffée?  I barely know how to boil water.  Roux is way over my head.”

 

“Okay, from now on, I do the cooking.”

 

“You can cook?”

 

“It’s a Cajun thing.”  It really was, too.  Not a wide variety of styles, perhaps, what what a Cajun could cook, they usually cooked  _ very _ well, men or women, boys or girls.

 

“I gaur-un-TEE!”

 

“That guy was from Mississippi.  Don’t ever mention him again, “ Caleb compained.  The famous faux-Cajun chef wasn’t even from south of the I-10 interstate.  How dare he call himself Cajun?

 

* * *

 

Once in Josh’s bedroom things proceeded quickly, and with little talking.  Caleb took the lead, since he was the first to move off the other boy’s mouth and onto his chest, and then nipples, and then belly - he kissed and nuzzled Josh’s torso for a long time, savoring the smooth or peach-fuzz skin, depending, and  finally pulling down Josh’s Calvin Kleins and sucking his penis without any fanfare at all.

 

He didn’t even notice that Josh’s cock was only of the usual size - about the same as his own.  Even though he’d been fantasizing about extra-large cocks since even before puberty, now it didn’t make any difference at all.  Of course, that didn’t occur to him at the time.  There were no words floating around in his head at all, in fact. 

 

Josh was still standing, with Caleb on his knees in front of him.  He wasn’t thinking with words, either - Caleb felt incredible!  But then he felt something happening to his cock that he couldn’t figure out by feel, and looked down to see what was going on.  

 

Caleb was throating him.  More and more cock disappeared into his mouth with every stroke, until Caleb’s nose was buried in Josh’s pubic hair, stroking dick down his throat while he held his breath as long as he could.  While Josh knew about throating in theory - and had tried it himself with substitute cocks - he just couldn’t do it.  He’d always end up either throwing-up or almost throwing-up.  Caleb wasn’t even gagging.  It felt  _ more _ than incredible.  And so Josh came, holding Caleb’s face into his pubes, all the way down his throat.  Caleb didn’t resist.

 

Until he started spasming, trying to cough.  Which felt even  _ beyond _ more than incredible to Josh, but Caleb pulled himself off forcefully while Josh was still cumming, and proceeded to hack and cough constantly, while Josh kept pulsing cum onto his face.  It was… less than erotic, to say the least.

 

“Oh, god man”, Josh began, realizing what had happened, “I’m so sorry… Should-”

 

Caleb stopped him with a raised hand in “give me a minute” gesture.  It turned into about five minutes before Caleb was finally able, haltingly, to speak.

 

“It’s… it’s not your fault. I - (hack, cough) - I wanted you to do that.”  That was all he could say before another round of constant coughing and throat-clearing took over.

 

Josh didn’t know what to say.  Caleb had  _ wanted _ him to cum while down his throat?  But that didn’t make any sense (to Josh).  He’d be missing the best part of giving head, wouldn’t he?

 

And eventually Caleb regained at least a little composure, although his face was pretty red now and he was still clearing his throat several times during and after each sentence.

 

“No, Josh, that was all my fault, I’m the one who’s sorry.  Kind of ruined it for you, I know.  It’s just… it’s something I’ve always wanted to do  _ so bad _ .  I’ve practiced a lot, and I thought I could do it.  I never practiced with anything that came though.  So I guess I wasn’t ready after all.”

 

“Well, it’s -” Josh began, but Caleb interrupted him, apparently talking mostly to himself.

 

“It’s  _ got _ to be possible, though!  Dammit.  Maybe I just need more practice?  I can research it.  I bet reddit will know…”

 

“Caleb - it’s not that big a deal, to me…”

 

“Well it is to me, though!  It’s like… it’s my thing, y’know?  I’ll be trying again.  Okay, not  _ every _ time, for your sake, at least until I can do it right, but yeah, sometimes.  Okay?”

 

“I guess… I mean, if you really want to so much.  So… now it’s my turn - but let’s take a break first, get something to drink.  You don’t look very horny, anymore..”

 

“Yeah, yeah, okay.  Sorry about that again.”

 

“Oh for god’s… stop it.  Being sorry for wanting to throat me.  It’s ridiculous.”

 

* * *

 

“What I  _ really _ want is to be able to have an orgasm just from giving head. A mouthgasm”, Caleb said in between swigs of Red Bull.

 

“Wow.  That’d be hard to do.  But they say that most of sex is in the brain…”

 

“Yeah, that’s what I keep thinking about too.  Anyway, that’s my jack-off fantasy.  So what’s yours?”

 

“My jack-off blow-job fantasy?”, Josh asked a little abashed.

 

“Yeah, I told you mine, you have to tell me yours.”

 

“Uh…”

 

“Oh my god - are you blushing?”

 

“Fine.  Mouthfuls of cum, okay?  Having my mouth filled with cum, and swallowing it.  Until I’m stuffed.”

 

“Wow.  The ‘until I’m stuffed part would take-”

 

“There’d be a line of men, yeah, and I just go down the line”, Josh admitted.  Yes, he was blushing.  He’d never shared such a dirty and personal sex-fantasy with anyone before, even anonymously on the internet like most people do.  In fact, he was genuinely surprised that it seemed to be so easy.

 

“Aww!  That’s so cute!”

 

“Stop it.  Like you said, it’s just a fantasy.  But I should be able to at least get one mouthful”, he said slyly, “You about ready?”

 

* * *

 

And Josh did get his mouthful.  In fact, he two (well, one and a half), because Caleb came the first time within a single minute, and Josh wanted a lot more time than that.  Over all, Josh had cock in his mouth for a little over twelve minutes.  He was in heaven.

 

Now it was time for the other thing.  Since Caleb had just cum - twice - it was agreed that Josh would be the top.  Actually, Caleb would have begged Josh to be the top in any circumstance.  He really was all about other cocks, not his own.

 

“So, it just squirts right up my butt?”

 

“Yup - that’s why it has the little nozzle thingy, I guess.”

 

“How much?”

 

“I have no idea.  But I hear that more is always better.  Uh… Caleb?  You have practiced, right?  I mean, this won’t be-”

 

“Actually… that’s how I usually jerk-off.  With something in my butt.  You ever do that?”

 

“Sometimes, but not usually.  It’s so messy…”

 

“I guess you might as well know, Josh; I’m a total bottom.”

 

“I was just thinking that.  It’s so weird though - the big, tough jock, a total bottom.”

 

“And the twink girly-boy on top.  We’re quite a couple, ain’t we?  Uh, I mean ‘girly-boy’ in the best possible way...”

 

“I knew what you meant.  So doggy-style or what?”

 

“Cowgirl.  Lean up against the headboard”, Caleb ordered.

 

“You’ll be doing all the work, you know…”

 

“Yeah, and I can work it any way I want.  Okay with you?”

 

“Whatever suits you just tickles me plum to death.”

 

* * *

 

So Caleb had his third orgasm and Josh his second.  Both boys were capable of about five  orgasms a day, being teenage boys, but that was just masturbating.  Those orgasms were  _ definitely _ not like the sex orgasms.  Even the best jack-off orgasms never left them virtually unable to move.  It was a new experience.

 

What with all the excitement about the sex, Josh had forgotten to set his alarm clock, and they didn’t wake up in bed together until almost ten in the morning.  Josh awoke first, immediately checking the time.

 

“Shit!  Caleb!  Caleb, wake up!  You gotta get out of here, man.  Shit shit SHIT!”

 

“Huh?”, the half-asleep Caleb replied.

 

“You gotta go, man!  Find your clothes and… fuck, there’s no way out except going downstairs.  Goddamnit.  They’ll be here any minute!”  Josh got up and looked out the window to the driveway below.  There were no cars there yet.

 

Caleb, awake enough to at least begin to grasp the situation, said, “What’s the deal?  Who’s coming?”

 

“Uh… the agency staff.  I’ve got a shoot today.  You gotta get out of here, man!”

 

“You have a shoot?  Like, a modeling shoot?  Here?”

 

“I don’t have time to explain.  Yeah, they send all the staff here rather than try to ship me there.  Something about child-labor laws.  Get DRESSED!”

 

“So… you’re afraid they’ll figure out that you’re gay, if they see me?  I can’t just be a sleep-over friend?”

 

“They all know I’m gay, it’s no secret.  Shit!  They’re here… goddammit…”

 

“Can’t I just hang out and watch you work?  What’s the big deal?”

 

Josh’s breathing slowed as he stared at the other boy, trying to find a way to say it.  “I’d… I’d just prefer… if you didn’t…”

 

“How come?”

 

There was a question Josh didn’t dare answer.  But, it didn’t really make much difference now.  The whole makeup and lighting crew was down there, making their way into the house. The photogs and their assistants would show up in another half-hour.

 

“Fuck.  I guess it doesn’t matter now, anyway.  Look, I’m going to take a really quick shower, then you should do the same.  I’ll meet you in the studio.  Just… try not to get in anyone’s way for now, okay?”

 

“The studio?”

 

“Go out the kitchen back door, it’ll be the only building you see.  Go hang out at the craft table, get some breakfast.  Makeup and hair take about an hour.  I’ll find you.  Oh - and don’t bring your cell-phone in there.  If you do they’ll take it from you and destroy it.  I’ve seen them do it before.  Shit - if anyone asks who you are, just tell them you’re my boyfriend - including my Mom.  She’ll probably want to hug you, so be prepared for that.  Caleb… I gotta go!  See ya later.”

 

Caleb never got the chance to ask what a ‘craft table’ was.

 


	4. Book by Its Cover

Chap 4 - Book by Its Cover

 

Caleb took his time getting showered and dressed, figuring he had at least the hour that Josh had promised to spend in Makeup. He gaped in awe at the collection of lotions and soaps on the counter, and five different kinds of hair-care products in the shower/tub. This was the bathroom within Josh's bedroom. This was a  _ boy' _ s bathroom, right?

 

By the time he got downstairs, it looked like a house party was going on. There seemed to be two distinct kinds of guests though: those just standing around chatting with each other, usually with drinks in their hands although it wasn't even noon yet, and those rushing in between them looking like they were already late for something and apologizing profusely to everyone they almost bumped into. An odd mixture of insouciance and panic.

 

Several people glanced at him with questioning looks, but no one stopped him or asked who he was, so he made his way to the kitchen backdoor to see what this "studio" business was all about.

 

Josh had told him it would be "the only building you can see", and so it was. An ugly, utilitarian, industrial looking thing, with absolutely no windows that Caleb could see. But it was huge! Two stories tall and large enough to engulf three houses of the size Caleb lived in. A ten foot wide cement path led from the backdoor to the double-doors in the middle of the building. The path was crowded with party-goers just like the house was.

But once inside the door, the atmosphere change drastically. Still lots of people, but no one was just standing around, they were all busy doing something. Every single one of them.

 

It was cavernous inside, too. Twenty feet up to the catwalk below the rafters, wires and ropes dangling everywhere. There were few walls in the interior - one end seemed to be partitioned off, the rest was all open space, albeit with huge backdrops hanging here and there depicting various scenes; a cityscape, a beach, a mountain range. In front of each one wooden frame laid on the floor, containing sand, or potted plants, or whatever props went with that particular backdrop. Lights and bounce-reflectors stood around everywhere, apparently at random.

 

And unlike the situation inside the house, all heads turned to look at him when he entered. The nearest person, clipboard in hand, confronted him immediately.

"And who might you be?" the man asked like a challenge.

 

"Oh, I'm uh… I'm Josh's boyfriend? He said I should come in here…" Caleb replied meekly. He'd never felt so out-of-place in his life. He obviously wasn't supposed to be there, and he felt it.

 

"Is that right…" the man said, apparently evaluating the truthfulness of Caleb's claim.

 

"Yeah. Uh… he said I should wait for him at the craft table, and that he'd be out of makeup in about an hour? Uh… where exactly is the craft table?"

 

The man seemed satisfied, and his mood change one-eighty, "Hey - everyone! This dude is Josh's boyfriend!" There was a short burst of whoops and "Alright!"s. "How old are ya, son?"

 

"Uh… I'm sixteen."

 

"You in the business?"

 

"The modeling business? Uh… no..."

 

"Okay!" the man began shouting so everyone could hear again, "Listen up! The boyfriend is a civilian and a minor - even if he doesn't look it - so you all know what that means. Just leave him alone. And tell the phogs 'no pictures'. If we find one pic of him, anywhere, whoever's responsible will immediately be fired, sued, and then blacklisted in that order, and that's before any criminal charges. So be careful!" He turned back to Caleb, "You got a phone on you?"

 

"No…"

 

"Good. Keep it that way. The craft table is at the end over there, behind that backdrop with the barn on it. You go wait there, and for God's sake stay out of everyone's way. Oh, congrats on the 'boyfriend' thing - everyone was wondering when that would happen. Okay, you go on now. And watch your step - there's power-cords everywhere." With that, the man walked away, staring at his clipboard again and tapping at it with what looked like an orange Highlighter.

 

_ All this is for Josh? There must be something else going on… _ Caleb thought, winding amongst the tripods and power-cords. It seemed more than a little… extreme…

 

Apparently 'craft' meant 'food'. The table was completely covered with various edibles, from donuts to barbeque to a huge platter covered with various colors of cheese. A pallet of bottled water sat off to one side, the top cases already ripped open as if by a bear. And no one else was there, although many had obviously already ransacked the food-stuffs. He grabbed a paper-plate and began loading up. He was  _ hungry _ . The previous night with Josh had taken a lot out of him, literally and figuratively. Too late, he noticed that there were no chairs, but lots of large, black equipment cases were strewn about, so he sat on one and started eating, feeling odd but at least relatively safe since he was hidden from open view by the barn backdrop.

 

"Have you seen enough yet?", asked Josh, who had come around the corner from the hall that led to the makeup room. He was wearing a knee-length kimono with purple ("mauve") Crocs on his feet. His hair, carefully styled in what could only be called "bed head", was blonde now. His face looked… perfect. Weirdly perfect.

 

"Whoa… You look… they actually bleached your hair?"

 

" _ My _ hair is glued to my scalp. This is a wig. Caleb… I really wish you'd go home now."

 

"Why… uh, why don't you want me here? I want to see you work. I want to see what you do. Are you… wearing anything under that?"

 

Josh whipped open the kimono revealing what looked to Caleb like normal baggy-leg swim trunks, but were in fact the latest Givenchy design, as yet unreleased to the public. "My hair is fake. My tan is fake. My eyelashes are fake. My face is fake. And when I'm in front of the camera, I have to look all kinds of different ways; happy, sexy, excited, bored… there's a long list. And in order for me to  _ look _ that way, I kind of have to  _ feel _ that way. And it's fake. Everything here is fake, Caleb. It's all make-believe."

 

"Well, okay, I get that. But so what? You think I don't know fantasy from reality? Didn't we discuss that last night?"

 

"This is different. These people are doing the very best they can to make you and everyone else believe that the fantasy is reality - or at least that it should be - in order to sell clothes. I can see how you're looking at me, for instance. Already you'll never see me the same way as before. If you stay, it'll just get worse."

 

"I'm not an idiot. I mean, yeah, you look great… but you  _ always _ look great to me. Has anyone told you what I did when I first saw pics of you?"

 

"No. Why?"

 

"I ran away like a little girl. Seriously, I did. You scared the fuck outta me, you looked so… beautiful. I couldn't believe you'd ever want to even  _ hang out _ with me, forget about 'date'. But I got used to it, didn't I? Like you told me I would? I'll get used to this too."

 

"That's just it - I don't  _ want _ you to get used to this! Because then you'll compare the real me to the fake me and I'll lose every time!"

 

"Josh… I don't mean to sound judgey, and God knows you have every right to, but… you really are too hung up on your looks."

 

"You say that to me in a modeling studio, after just telling me how important my looks were when you first saw...", Josh sighed in resignation, "Fine, go ahead and watch. I'll be at the beach scene. Stay in the back, out of everyone's way, okay? And just so you know, I'll be trying to ignore the fact that you're even there at all, so don't expect any eye-contact or anything."

 

"Those shoes are tragic. I may not know fashion, but-", Caleb began.

 

"There's broken glass everywhere. The lightbulbs they use explode sometimes. I gotta go now, they'll be waiting on me."

 

"At least have some cheese - I know you must be starving."

 

"I can't eat before a shoot, Caleb. And when it's over, I'm going to be dead tired and just go straight to bed, so don't wait up. Once you've seen enough, just go home. Okay?"

 

"Well… okay, if you say so."

 

"We'll talk tomorrow. Later." Josh turned his back and left him there.

 

After throwing his plate in the trash, as he was about to find his way to "the beach scene", a woman came into the craft-table area. She wasn't even nearly "elderly", but still probably the oldest person in the building, and certainly too old for the skorts and halter-top she was wearing. Her big hair was an entire head taller than she was. She grabbed a chocolate-glazed donut and then noticed him there and froze.

 

"Who are you?" she asked.

 

"Oh, I'm Josh's boyfriend. He said I could-"

 

"EEEEEE! He finally has a boyfriend! Oh, I'm so happy! I was beginning to think he'd be lonely forever, what with being down here in the South and all. I'm Josh's mother, Kathie. With a K and an ie. It's so nice to meet you! Come give me a hug!"

 

It was five minutes before Caleb could escape.

 

* * *

 

The shoot was already in progress when Caleb got to the 'Beach Scene'. Josh was cavorting on the sand while club music played and the photographer shouted out orders: "Happy! Happier! Good. Okay, slow it down now, before you start sweating. Yes. Like that. Just like that. Okay, stop. Serious now, over-the-shoulder. Like you just caught some creep staring at you. You know… yes, like that. Perfect. Now into the camera. Right, now some frontal bedroom eyes... Perfect. Okay, that's enough. Next!"

A swarm of assistants descended upon Josh, pulling down his shorts - much to Caleb's surprise - and putting him into a different pair. Josh just let himself be handled however they wanted to, like a puppet.

 

Caleb eventually saw that Josh was wearing some kind of flesh-colored Speedos underneath the trunks.

 

Other assistants tended to Josh like he was a mannequin, touching-up his makeup, patting down his forehead, primping his wig. Josh would automatically close his eyes whenever he saw someone coming at his face with something, or heard the tell-tale hiss of hairspray. The lights turned bluish somehow, and a different, night-time beach scene backdrop was lowered into place in front of the original one. One assistant, with a can of something that said "Computer Duster" on it came up to Josh and sprayed it at his nipples, getting them hard, while at the same time another handed him a squeeze-bottle of Gatorade. Then they all scattered and the photographer began barking out orders again. The music never stopped.

 

This went on for eight more changes of swim-trunks and three more backgrounds before the photographer shouted, "That's it for the beach - city street is next. Josh - soon as you can, okay?"

 

After someone pulled off his swim-trunks, Josh stepped off the platform containing the sand and back into his Crocs. Another someone handed him his kimono, and he headed back to Makeup, without missing a beat. Yet a different swarm of assistants - these were wearing tool belts - were already breaking down the beach set.

 

Caleb just stood there behind the lights, stunned by it all. He'd supposed that Josh would at least get a breather at some point, but apparently not. The work was continuous.

 

_ No wonder he's so exhausted after a shoot! God-DAMN. How long does this go on? _ he wondered.

 

He watched for another two hours before realizing that it was just going to be the same thing, over and over and over. He went home wondering how in the  _ HELL _ Josh did it. And how often. Because fuck, man.

 

* * *

 

 

Between Josh's modeling and Caleb's sports, finding time to be together was going to be hard for the two boys. The previous Friday night had been unusually serendipitous - and hadn't actually worked out that well even so because of Josh's modeling shoot the following morning. The almost forty miles separating them was going to be a problem too.

 

By the time Josh finally woke up on the Sunday morning following his photo-shoot, Caleb was already on the team bus headed for a scrimmage match in Galliano, the next town up, north of Golden Meadow. He replied to Josh's incoming text by replying that couldn't talk right then, or actually until later that afternoon, once the game was over and he was back home.

 

The bus was crowded, and the boys behind and next to Caleb saw who the message was from, and yelled the news to the rest of the bus, who began hooting and doing the usual teenagery things to humiliate him. When they saw that Caleb  _ was _ actually embarrassed, they just turned it up more.

 

But truthfully - they would have done the same thing if it had been a girl's name on the phone. Exactly the same thing.

 

* * *

 

Josh and Caleb arranged by text-message to meet at Alzina’s, halfway between their two homes, after school on Monday.  Sunday evening would have been too crowded, and conversing via phone would have been too impersonal, especially for Josh.  He had deep concerns about how the things Caleb had seen might have affected him.  The inside of a modeling studio has been Josh’s world since he was ten years old, but he knew that it would all be other-worldly alien to a “normal” boy like Caleb.

 

Josh was aware that his life hadn’t been anything like “normal”. He knew about the things that “normal” kids did from overheard conversations at school.  Apparently they went fishing, and even hunting, with their fathers - even a lot of the girls did that.  Apparently they all owned gaming consoles of one kind or another.  Apparently they went on trips to visit far away relatives, and spent most of their time there bored out of their minds.  Apparently they spent a lot of after-school time doing things with their friends.  

 

Josh had never done any of those things.

 

The Saturday morning modeling shoots happened almost every Saturday, and other, shorter shoots, with far less staff, happened about twice a week, either in their home studio, or more often somewhere outdoors.  As a result, he hated being outdoors, because of the bugs.  The phogs would edit the bugs out of their final shots, but oh, they were still around.  Sometimes it was nightmarish.  Southern Louisiana was known - at least by the locals - for bugs.

 

As for trips, those happened on the weekends when there wasn’t a shoot at home, and they were always for location-shoots somewhere iconic, somewhere with a commonly recognizable landmark.  He’d been to San Francisco many times.  He’d seen the airport, the highway, the bridge, the highway, and the airport again, over and over. 

 

All he knew about San Francisco was the bridge; he never got a chance to set foot outside of a rented RV anywhere else.  And the same situation applied to the Statue of Liberty, Seattle’s Fisherman’s Market, Chicago’s Daley Plaza, California’s Venice Beach, the Elk Antler Arches at Jackson’s Hole, Wyoming, and a dozen other places within two hours of an airport.   

 

Federal limitations on the number of hours he was allowed to work - which included transportation hours - meant that he seldom left the Continental United States, but even that happened a couple of times a year.  One was coming up, in fact.

 

“I ordered us muffulettas for dinner, hope that’s okay.  The hush-puppies are lagniappe”, Caleb explained as Josh took a seat across the table from him.  A ‘muffuletta’ was a gigantic sandwich made with two kinds of meat, three kinds of cheese, and olive salad.  It was a N’awlins invention.

 

“Lawn-yawp?”

 

“Something extra, for free.”   A French Creole word, hardly anyone but Cajuns and  merchants plying the tourist trade used it.

 

“Oh.  Well good, I can use the fat”, Josh said.

 

“Look, if you’re on a diet, we can-”

 

“No, I mean it.  I need the fat.  I have to be careful about showing ribs through my chest, and I think I’m getting too close to that.”

 

“Wow.  So, you didn’t want to talk about the shoot until we got here, face-to-face.  What’s up with that?” Caleb asked, genuinely curious.  He couldn’t imagine what the other boy could be upset about, but from the preceding phone and text conversations, he knew there must be something.

 

“When did you finally leave?”

 

“About three that afternoon.  You were doing the city street scene, wearing all kinds of different sweaters and jackets.  Must have been hot - they kept having to dry the sweat off you.  I don’t get it, didn’t seem that warm in there from where I was standing.”

 

“The lights weren’t pointed at you.  Okay, so you saw my world, and you saw me in it.  How do I look to you now?” Josh said with a bit of an edge.  He’d agonized about it, but finally decided to come to the restaurant without any makeup at all or even mousse in his hair.

 

“You look fine.  Beautiful as ever.  Josh… are you mad at me about something?”

 

“How many times did I tell you that I didn’t want you to be there?  But you kept insisting… So yeah, I’m kind of mad.  I look ‘fine’, huh?  Want me to go put on some eyeliner and lip gloss?  Maybe that’d be better?”

 

Caleb was at a loss, “Noooo… Uh… why would I want that?”

 

“Because it makes me look pretty.”

 

“It makes you look like a girl.”

 

“Exactly.  Isn’t that what you like?  Don’t you want that?”

 

“Josh… I can’t believe I’m having to explain this - and to you of all people - but I’m not into girls.”

 

“ _ I _ look like a girl!  That’s why you like me in the first place!”

 

“Well…”, Caleb hesitated.  It was  _ kind of _ true.  And yet, it really wasn’t.  To him, Josh looked  _ girly _ , with a ‘y’.  But not ‘like a girl’ at all, although he couldn’t say why.  Only now was he beginning to realize the difference.

 

“Take your time.  I’m willing to wait for a good lie.”

 

“I’m not… I haven’t even said anything yet, and you accuse me of lying.  Look, Josh, yes, I like it that you look feminine.  I really do.  I mean, I  _ seriously _ do.  But you’re still obviously a boy.  Obviously.  But I… I can’t actually say why, okay?  I’m not attracted to girls, I’m attracted to  _ boys _ who look like girls.  And wearing makeup… when you’re wearing makeup, it somehow crosses the line for me, into actual girl territory.  I know I’m not explaining it very well…”

 

Josh studied his food.  He’d heard that before, but dismissed it because it was only from one source, with no verification.  That said, the one person he’d heard it from had been the catalyst of his whole modeling career; his agent.

 

“Yeah, actually… I’ve heard it said that I look like a ‘tomboy’ girl, instead of just a girl.  My agent uses that word.  He says that there’s lots of boys who look like girls in the modeling industry, but that I’m one, a very rare one that ‘looks like a boy who looks like a girl, full stop.”  Josh paused, thinking about what he’d just said.

 

Caleb remained silent because he was learning to do that, although it still took conscious thought. 

 

Finally Josh looked up at him - the ‘mad look’ was gone - and asked, “Do you have any idea what ‘full stop’ means?”  

 

“Uh… not really.  I guess it’s like ‘period’?  But I wanted to ask you something else about when you were working”, Caleb said, changing the subject.  Because he didn’t understand why Josh had been mad at him, he didn’t attach much importance to it.  He had no idea.  So he continued, “Y’know, most people enjoy doing something that they’re really good at.  I really like playing baseball, for instance. But you… you didn’t seem to be having a very good time at all at the shoot.  I never saw you say a word to anyone, and except for the camera, I don’t think you ever smiled, either.  Do you even  _ like _ being a model?”

 

Josh sighed - he’d have to think about the previous issue more later, because Caleb was apparently onto his other secret.  

 

“You saw how busy everyone was, no one has time for chit-chat.  It costs a fortune for the agency to do those home-studio shoots, and they want their money back, so the schedule is just ridiculous.  And… I don’t  _ dislike _ modeling, Caleb.  But yeah, it’s not fun either.  It’s what I do.  It’s about the  _ only _ thing I do, not much time for anything else - including boyfriends.  Don’t look at me that way, your sports are the same thing in your life, you just enjoy it more.  The modeling is just how my life is.  Whether I like it or not, doesn’t really matter.  I like the money though.  So there’s that.”

 

“You must make a lot, for them to spend so much on you.”  Caleb had been wondering about that.  Josh lived in a big, new house, in a fancy neighborhood.  Surely he didn’t actually  _ need _ money, did he?

 

“I do.  I really do - but don’t ask me how much, I’m not comfortable with that.  But yeah, it’s a lot.”

 

“Well, if it’s taking so much of your time, can’t you just… like… cut down on it a little?”

 

“Can you ‘cut back’ on your ball-playing?  You don’t even get paid to do that.  And no, Caleb, I can’t ‘cut down on it a little’.  Because it’s not going to last long.  I’ll be lucky if I can do it for another seven years, so I have to make as much as I can,  _ while _ I can.  After it’s over, I’ll have NOTHING to fall back on, you understand?  What I make now has to last the rest of my life.  Me, my Mom, my sister, and my brother you haven’t met - he’s in college out of state - they’re all depending on me, so no, cutting down on it is not an option.”

 

“Wait a minute.  You’re saying that you support your whole family?”  Caleb had never imagined such a situation.

 

“Yeah, I’m the breadwinner for the whole family, that’s right.  After my Dad died, we were really poor.  One of my earliest memories is of the inside of a laundromat.  I remember the chairs seemed so high, like level with my eyes.  Mom would always let me get an Orange Crush from the vending machine.  I guess I was really into Orange Crush back then… I have a lot of early memories about laundromats, actually…  But anyway, when I started modeling, at ten, everything changed.  You saw how we live now.  That’s all from modeling.”

 

“Jesus…” was all Caleb could say in response.  Josh’s whole life-situation was serious stuff.  The most serious thing in Caleb’s life was baseball - he hoped to play Pro one day.  And he’d thought  _ that _ was a serious pursuit, because most of his friends weren’t even that serious about  _ anything _ . 

 

“So, uhm… you really think I’m still pretty?  Even the way I look now?”  The bombshells he’d just dropped on Caleb were old news to Josh, just like Caleb’s admission about why he found Josh attractive had been a bombshell to him.

 

Caleb had to blink a few times to switch gears, “You’re beautiful.  Actually, that’s not even close to the right word, but I don’t know a better one.  I’ll try to think of a better way to say it.”

 

“Good luck with that, no one else can either.  But thanks.  And… I’m sorry if I seemed mad at you before.  I mean, I was, but…”

 

“You wanna go sit in your car and fool around?”  Talking about Josh’s looks had brought up… other things.  In Caleb’s pants.  

 

“Uhm… I don’t think that’s a good idea.  If the cops catch us, it could be bad for my career.  We need to set up another date”, Josh said.  He didn’t know that the town of Cut Off, where they were, only had one policeman.  “But my house isnt going to be clear like it was last time. Not for awhile.”

 

“Mine will be.  This Thursday, my folks will be away at an oysterman’s convention in NOLA.  I’ll even skip baseball practice.  I mean, if you can make it.”

 

“Wow, you’d really do that?  It’ll take me nearly an hour to get to Golden Meadow, though.”

 

“I’ll cook something.  Something to impress my boyfriend.  It’ll be good.”

 

Josh smirked, “It’s a date then.  You still owe me a fuck, you know.  I’ll be wanting that.  Oh, but… you say you’re a ‘total bottom’, so…”

 

“If I had my druthers, yes, I’d always be the bottom, but it’s just a preference, it’s not like carved in stone or anything.  Besides, if  _ you _ want it, then  _ I _ want to do it.  It’s like that.  And besides, your butt is… really hot.”

 

“Like a girl’s butt?” Josh asked, but he was smiling when he did it.

 

“Josh… don’t start, okay?  Jesus…”

  
  



	5. Something Changed

Chap 5 - Something Changed

 

Word got out that Caleb was preparing a fancy meal because the townspeople saw him buying ingredients: green peppers, garlic, and celery in particular - the cornerstones of Cajun cooking.  From there word got out whom he was cooking  _ for _ .  Lastly, word eventually got out as to  _ why _ .  All of these words got out in the space of two days.  Small town life.  With added internet.

 

The #operationcaleb crew, plus the new #operationjosh (Josh’s sister, Becky), invited themselves, because Caleb couldn’t very well say ‘no, you can’t come to my feast’.  It’s just not part of small town etiquette, nor of Cajun manners. Some of them brought along a sibling or close friend.  All together, it was going to be about fifteen people, so what it amounted to was the throwing of a “Caleb x Josh” party. 

 

The yaoi fanclub (Jeanette, Becky, and Adam, with help from Darrin) came up with the name, after spending over an hour arguing whether it should be called “Josh x Caleb” instead.  Yaoi fans attach undue significance to whose name comes first, because reasons.  Yuri (lesbian romance) fans do the same thing, but fight about it less.

 

Everybody brought food.  Caleb made shrimp gumbo and brought shucked oysters because he had connections for those things.  Phan brought fifteen pounds of crayfish and a bag of extra-spicy spice to boil them with.  Other people brought other things according to their preference or speciality: dirty rice, boudin (BOO-dan) balls, poutine (POO-ten), andouille sausage (ahn-DOO-ee), and potato salad (po-TAY... nvm).  Josh was to bring an ice-chest full of ice.  One can’t have iced-tea without ice.  Becky brought paper plates and a case of paper-towels, and - after getting an emergency phone call while on the road - party cups. 

 

Josh was on the nervous side as he drove with Becky to Golden Meadow.  Oh, he’d been to parties before… lots of them.  Lots and lots of them.  He knew exactly how he was supposed to act, and was good at it. Make rounds, flirt if flirted with, stay smiling.  Before important parties, he’d been given a cheat-sheet of who was coming, what was important about them, and what to say for small-talk.  “I just watched your movie!  It was so moody and ethereal…”  But he’d never been to a party of  _ friends _ before.  Even though they weren’t  _ his _ friends, per se, they were the closest he’d ever had.  He knew that it would be different.  The flirting thing probably wouldn’t be appropriate, since there wouldn’t be any adult men who liked young boys attending.  This party was all kids within a year or two of his own age, so that was a first, too.

 

Josh entered Caleb’s home dressed in brand-new, never-been-washed, distressed denim shorts from Calvin Klein, and a skin-tight cerulean Hugo Boss tee-shirt that said “Hugo Boss” on it vertically in huge black letters so everyone would know, presumably.   He noted with some dismay that almost everyone else was wearing obviously-washed and probably Walmart clothes.  

 

He sighed to himself through his closed-lip smile,  _ Okay, guessed wrong about THAT, didn’t I... _

 

Caleb and Darrin were in the kitchen, but Jeanette glomped onto him and introduced him all around, although everyone already knew who he was, even people who had never seen him before.  It was common-knowledge that Caleb liked pretty-boys, and  _ that _ was one pretty boy.  She eventually led him into the kitchen and left him there, re-joining her clique of fangirls - and Adam - on the couch.

 

The sports men had also huddled off together, so there were two distinct groupings at the party.  Dustin and Phan had no affiliation, so they floated around together.  The fangirls argued in whispers and giggles about which one should be the ‘top’ in their imaginary ‘ship’, because that’s what fangirls do when they see two good-looking boys within four feet of each other.

 

“Josh!  You made it!  I mean… I knew you’d make it, but… it’s just a thing you’re supposed to say, I guess.  I’m sorry about all this - it kind of got out-of-hand…” Caleb said, turning around with a wooden spatula still in his hand.

 

Josh grabbed at the arm holding the spatula in order to keep it away from his shirt, and stepped in, kissing Caleb on the mouth for longer than Darrin, watching from the sink, should have been comfortable with.  But Darrin just smiled to him when Caleb glanced nervously over to gauge his reaction.  He was feeling pretty good.  He’d actually managed to find Caleb a boyfriend.  When #operationcaleb had started, he’d been less than optimistic.

 

“I left the ice-chest and stuff in the car, could use some help bringing it in,” Josh said.

 

“I’ll go!” Darrin volunteered, heading for the living-room to round up more help.

 

“I brought Becky with me, too.  She’ll fit right in with the other fangirls.  Uhm, Caleb?”, Josh began in the now-quiet kitchen, “Stay close to me, okay?  You may know all these people, but I don’t.  I’ve never been to anything like this…”

 

“I intend to, but not for that reason.  Relax.  You know how I keep calling my friends ‘morons’?  Well, we’re all morons here.  You’ll be fine.”

 

“I’m… I’m not sure how I should take that…” Josh smirked, “Did you just call me a moron?”

 

“Yeah, I did.  What kind of person would do that?  A moron.”

 

Phan came in carrying his burlap bag of crayfish, said ‘hi’, quickly checked on the status of Caleb’s gumbo, and proceeded to dump the entire bag of crayfish into the giant vat of water boiling on a special propane burner just outside the back door.  Then he yelled, “Crayfish is on!”.  That was a code - it meant five minutes to food.

 

The cliques broke up as everyone got up to fix their drinks and find a seat around the dining-room table, which was also in the living room.

 

By the time dinner was over, Josh had become just another member of #operationcaleb, albeit the best-dressed member.  And Adam had become an honorary yaoi fangirl.  He’d opined that Phan should be the tsundere (meek-to-dominant character change) top.  

 

Since everyone knew why they were there, everyone also quickly cleaned up and then left, quietly and early.  Becky was to sleep-over at Jeanette’s and ride back with Josh in the morning.  They were the last to leave, and the only ones to say goodbye.  They wished Josh and Caleb good luck, which the two boys had to laugh about once they were gone.  

 

“‘Good luck’?  What the hell?!”

 

* * *

 

Thanks to the many embarrassing anecdotes Caleb’s friends told about him over dinner, Josh now knew a lot more about the other boy than he had before.  Becky had only had a few stories about Josh, but she made up for that by telling them with extra gusto and detail, so the humiliation factors were about the same.  It was still relatively early, about eight-thirty in the evening, as they put away the last of the dishes and Caleb led the way to his bedroom to get down to business.  They both had school the next morning, and Josh would have an hour’s drive just to get there, so it was important to get started as soon as possible.

 

While Caleb stripped off his clothes, Josh roamed around in awe of his bedroom.  ‘Untidy’ would be putting it nicely: there were things packed onto every horizontal surface, piled in every corner, and leaning up against every wall.  The walls themselves were barely visible due to all the various things hanging on them; team jerseys carefully displayed, award certificates held up by thumb-tacks, ink-jet printed pictures of Caleb and various people holding fish, or squirrels, or kneeling proudly in front of a dead animal of one kind or another.  A six foot long carved wooden chain  was strung up over the window, There were even a couple of boy-band posters dating from Caleb’s Jr. High days, that were embarrassing now, but he’d never bothered taking them down. The entire top of his dresser was covered with sports trophies for different things, and those were just the ones Caleb was  _ most _ proud of - there were more in his closet.   The door to that closet obviously hadn’t been closed in years, and would have been impossible to close now.  

 

By way of comparison, Josh’s own bedroom had a few framed prints from the Museum of Modern Art,  no other decorations excepting perhaps the zebra-print duvet on his bed, and no memorabalia at all.  It looked more like a hotel suite than a bedroom.

 

Stripped down to his his underwear - red and blue Jockeys, the fanciest he owned - Caleb finally noticed that Josh was still fully dressed, and sniffing at a baseball glove he’d found on the floor.  To most boys, that smell would have been the very essence of Summer, but  it only reminded Josh of a Bruno Cucinelli lambskin jacket.

 

“Hey, Josh - are we gonna do this thing or what?” Caleb asked impatiently.

 

“Oh, oh yeah.  I was just… you sure have a lot of... stuff…”

 

“This has been my bedroom all my life.  Yeah, I know it’s a little messy.  The bed’s clear, though.  Fresh sheets and everything.”  

 

Caleb  _ had _ attempted to tidy up his room for Josh’s impending visit, but about all that had amounted to was picking up the dirty clothes, changing the bedding, and a quick sweep of the wooden floor.  As for ‘putting things away’, there simply was no other place to put them.

 

Caleb stared as Josh whipped off his shirt and stepped out of his shorts.  He was so beautiful.  The smooth chest and abdomen, the shapely thighs, the feminine arms and sculpted back.  Caleb had thought about those things a lot, looking forward to this moment.  But now, he found himself staring mostly at Josh’s face.

 

“Hey - show me the ‘bedroom eyes’, like at the shoot.  That was so hot.”

 

“Caleb…” Josh complained, “That’s for work.  This isn’t supposed to be work.  Don’t ask me to do that stuff.”

 

“But…  well, okay.  Your real-life ‘pissed off look’ isn’t nearly as hot as your work ‘pissed off look’, that’s for sure.  But it was so cool watching you change expressions on cue, and rapid-fire.  ‘Angry’!, ‘happy!’, ‘horny!’, ‘sad!’”, he snapped his fingers between each emotion, “And not just your face, either - your whole body-language would change.  The more I think about it, the more incredible it seems.”

 

“I don’t wanna talk about work”, Josh said, annoyed,  “I wanna talk about how everybody said you were such a size-queen.  Seems like my cock was big enough, last time, huh?  So what’s the deal with that?”

 

“Uh… yeah… It was…” Caleb replied, his features looking confused.  He’d thought a lot about Josh’s cock over the last few days, but only just now realized that he’d never thought about its size, even once.  Before Josh, he’d been  _ obsessed _ with large cocks. Now, even remembering how excited they used to get him, it just seemed… not ‘silly’, or ‘stupid’, or ‘weird’... It seemed like ‘nothing’.  How could that be?  Big cocks had been his thing since the first time he’d even seen a penis other than his own.  His  _ main _ thing.  And now he got no response to it at all?

 

“You’re taking too long to answer”, Josh said.  He saw the look on Caleb’s face, and just assumed that the reason behind it would be something bad.

 

“Yeah, sorry.  No, it’s true - I used to be all about big cocks. And just now I realized that I’m really not anymore.  It’s weird.  I’m trying to figure out when that changed…”

 

“It changed?”

 

“Yeah.  I mean, I  _ remember _ getting excited fantasizing about big dicks.  But now - even if I try - it just doesn’t seem like… the important thing.  Wow.  Seriously, it feels really weird.  What’s going on with me?”

 

“Maybe it’s because now you’ve had a real one, that’s not fantasy.  I feel kind of different too, now that you mention it.  You know I haven’t even jacked-off in three days?  That’s like a record, for me”, Josh admitted. Except for bouts of being sick from one thing or another, Josh usually gave himself  _ at least _ one ograsm a day, so three days without was unheard of.  Actually, even including sickness, three days was  _ still _ a record.

 

“I think you’re right - it’s because we finally got to experience  _ real _ cock.  That has to be it”, Caleb said.  Talking and thinking about real cocks though - that  _ was _ getting him excited.  The boys wouldn’t figure out the real reason for their change-of-heart - so to speak - for a while yet.  “Speaking of ‘real cock’...”

 

“I want the same thing you got last time; I’ll suck you off, then you suck me off, then you fuck me.  After that I imagine we’ll fall asleep again.  Sound fair?”

 

“Oh!  Good thing you reminded me, I gotta set my alarm.  But we’re still going to make out first right?”

 

“Well duh, I wasn’t just going to dive in cold-turkey.”

 

“Can I suck on your nipples?  Your nipples are so sexy, Josh.”

 

“Sure, I like that, in fact.”

 

“Oh, but… I hope you don’t want to suck on mine.  Nipple-stuff just tickles, to me.”

 

“Nope, not my thing.  I’d probably get chest-hair in my teeth anyway.  Eww.”   It was a valid concern, Caleb had an awful lot of chest hair.  Especially for a sixteen year old.

 

Now Caleb was concerned, “I thought you liked me hairy.  I can shave it off, if you want.”

 

“What?!  No!  No, don’t ever do that!  God.  Oh my god.  Thanks for that image - never get  _ that _ out of my head.”

 

“So you  _ do _ like the hair?”

 

“Yes, Caleb.  I like the hair.  And if you ever shave it off, I’ll grow a beard.” Josh threatened.  He knew that his boyfriend would hate that.

 

“I doubt you could do that even if you wanted to.  But yeah, bad image. Bad, bad, image.  We’re even.”

 

“So are you going to stand, sit, or lay down for your blowjob?”

 

They negotiated.  Caleb ended up lying on his side.  Josh didn’t make the same mistake he did last time, and took his time making Caleb cum.  Caleb, when his turn came around,  _ did _ still take Josh down his throat, but stopped when he felt him begin to orgasm, only suckling on the last few inches.  Immediately after that, Caleb butt-fucked Josh doggy-style because having sucked his dick had gotten him thoroughly excited again, and Josh discovered that - while he still wasn’t really a ‘bottom’ - god  _ damn fuckin’-A titties! _

 

* * *

 

So yes, Josh did get all the things that Caleb had last time.  But there was a big difference that both boys could feel but not explain.  Their first sexual experience days earlier had been wonderful - finally,  _ finally _ getting some actual cock to play with.  Caleb in particular got to enjoy Josh’s cock twice, once in each end.  That was nice of Josh.  But it was the cock itself that mattered.

 

This time, although neither boy was consciously aware of it, it wasn’t.  Caleb didn’t just suck Josh’s dick, he sucked  _ Josh _ .   And vise versa.  Josh didn’t just get fucked by Caleb’s cock, he got fucked by  _ Caleb _ .  

 

That difference extended to more than just the cocks, too.  The whole way they looked at each other had changed.  If anyone had been watching them, they’d have noticed it.  Josh had, from the beginning, been so enamored of Caleb’s big, defined muscles.  And he still was, sure, but instead of just staring at them as he felt them up, he would find himself looking into the other boy’s eyes instead.  Fondling, appreciating, and enjoying the mass and power, but looking at the eyes.  

 

For Caleb it was the silky smoothness and warmth of Josh’s skin that turned him on, the beauty of the form, the knowledge of his body.  Caleb wanted to have intimate knowledge of every inch of Josh, even the parts that weren’t erotic; the palms of his hands, under his arms, the arches of his feet.  He idly wondered if he was beginning to see Darrin’s point of view.  Feet could be pretty attractive, after all, with the right frame of mind.  Sometimes Josh’s toes reminded him of plump juicy grapes.  The subtle difference now was that it wasn’t just Josh’s body, it was Josh himself.

 

During the subsequent school day, both boys kept mulling it over, both to enjoy the memory and to try and figure out why it felt different.  Neither of them came to any conclusions, because they were teenagers, and sex wasn’t the only thing they had little experience with.  They both did realize one common thing, although neither got as far as thinking it with words; they really enjoyed being gay, and being boys.  Being gay boys.  They wouldn’t have had it any other way.

 

As they texted and talked (mostly texted) over the next two days, Josh informed Caleb that he wouldn’t be available this weekend because he had a location-shoot far away, and it was going to take two days, including the travel.  Which was a relief to Caleb, because he had an important practice on Saturday, and an important game on Sunday.  So that worked out.  They agreed to keep texting anyway, although both of them explained that there would be large portions of the day when they just wouldn’t be able to check their phones or reply back.

 

“So no date this weekend?  Does Josh have another shoot or something?” Darrin asked him, during their usual Friday get-together.

 

“Yeah, he does, both days.  And I have baseball, so… yeah, no date this weekend.  Kind of sucks though.  I almost wish I could just quit baseball, it’d make things so much simpler.”

 

“Dude, you  _ can’t _ do that!  We have a shot at regionals.  Maybe state.  Everybody’s working extra hard to try to at least not look like total fools when they play next to you.”  

 

“Yeah, I know…” Sometimes Caleb actually hated being the super-star jock in town.  It meant everyone was keeping an eye on him, all the time.  But, he was also aware that it was the only reason why no one ragged on him for having a boyfriend.  Even the Southern Baptist preacher of the town had quietly congratulated him about having a date with Josh.  It was weird.

 

“Well, anyway, it’s too bad you two can’t get together”, Darrin said.  Caleb checked his face, a bit surprised to see that apparently Darrin hadn’t intended any innuendo.  “You should surprise him with something when he gets back.”

 

“Way ahead of ya there, buddy.”

 

“Oh yeah?  Do tell.”

 

“Nope.  Y’all will find out later, I’m sure, but I ain’t sayin’.”

 

Caleb had been thinking that pretty much every time he and Josh met in real life, it had been for sex.  That wasn’t how things should be, he felt, they should start doing things together that  _ weren’t _ sex.  After a few hours searching his memory, he found something.

 

Googling for “dance studio”, he was actually shocked to find one in Cut Off.  Talk about unexpected.  He’d supposed that he might have to go all the way to New Orleans to find anything like that.  So he cold-called the place to find out if it would suit his needs.  He didn’t know the owner, but the owner knew him - or his family anyway.  And yes, she could teach him to Tango, or any other ballroom dance he might like, rattling off a list of them that Caleb had never heard of.  She even offered to let him have a key in case he’d want to “come practice after-hours or something”.  She knew all about Caleb, and was guessing that he was probably trying to impress another boy.  Like for a date.  And they’d need a place to go.  The owner was too old to be a ‘yaoi fangirl’, but she still thought it was cute, if only because they were so young.  To some people past a certain age, there are things that just don’t matter anymore.  While other things that take on new significance.

 

* * *

 

It was Saturday night - Caleb had just returned home from Cut Off  - before Josh finally replied to his messages.

 

_ Yo, it’s Josh.  But I don’t have too long, I’m on my way to the event. _

 

_ Event?  Not just a shoot?  What kind of event?  And where are you, anyway? _

 

_ Milan. _

 

_ Where’s that?  Somewhere north of Baton Rouge? _

 

_ It’s in Italy, Caleb… _

 

After calming Caleb down, Josh explained that he was there for his first runway walk, a major move for his career.  He’d kept that from Caleb previously because it wasn’t actually a sure thing until that morning. It was a big event too - Andrej Pejić was going to be there, along with several other androgynous models.  He explained that it was like getting drafted for a pro team, so that Caleb could understand.  

 

_ Who’s Andre Pejić? _

 

_ AndreJ. I’m sure you’ve seen pics of him while searching for pretty boys.  He’s the most famous androgyn there is.  Oh wait, I forgot, it’s ‘her’ now.  Guess she’s not an androgyn any more. _

 

_??? _

 

_ No time to explain.  It’s coming up on 7 am here.  Google is your friend.  I gotta go, I’ll text you after the show. _

 

* * *

 

Google  _ was _ his friend.  Caleb proceeded to spend the next six hours on it.  He learned that the fashion show in Milan was, in fact, an incredibly big deal.  He learned who Andrej Pejić was - and yes, he’d seen that face before, had even downloaded pics to keep - and that switching genders wasn’t the super-rare thing he’d thought it was.  He also learned that it wasn’t just a fetish or kink - no one would go through all that just for a kink.  From what he could tell, it sounded like having gender dysphoria really sucked, in fact.  His attitude toward Andrej - now Andreja - changed from being a little pissed that such a beautiful boy had turned into a girl, to feeling sorry for her that she’d had to go through that.  

 

Josh did text him after the show, but only long enough to say that it seemed to go well, and that he was utterly exhausted.  They didn’t text again until the following Monday, and that was only so Josh could tell him not to text for awhile, because he was going to skip school and rest all day.  Josh didn’t sleep well on airplanes, even in First Class.

 

So they met at Alzina’s restaurant on Tuesday, after school.  Caleb had made some special prerequisites this time. 

 

“So,  _ now _ will you tell me why I had to wear a suit?”, Josh asked.

 

“Nope.  Secret.  But damn man, that’s… that’s a really great suit…”  Caleb said, truly awestruck.  Caleb’s own suit - the only one he had - was usually for funerals and weddings only.  It didn’t fit very well.  Josh’s suit fit perfectly, of course.

 

“Thanks.  Yours sucks.  And I mean that.  Next time you come to my house, I’ll give you a couple of good ones.”

 

“Uh… okay, I guess. That’s kind of an expensive thing to just give me, Josh…”

 

“Gah, you’ve never seen my closet, obviously.  Trust me, it’s no big deal.  I get them for free anyway.  You’ll need to find a tailor to fit them for you though.”

 

“Do tailors still exist?  Wow.”

 

Dinner proceeded without incident, although Josh almost felt like he was babysitting a toddler, having to teach the other boy how to eat while wearing nice clothes.  The first thing Caleb did was almost dip his tie into his soup.

 

And then it was time for the Big Reveal.  Caleb gave Josh directions as they drove, eventually pulling up in front of the deserted and dark Dance Factory.

 

Josh was incredulous, “‘ _ Dance Factory _ ’?  There’s a dance studio in Cut Off?”

 

“Yup”, Caleb answered like it had been no surprise to him as well.

 

“Caleb… what did you do…”

 

“I learned how to tango.  I heard you liked it, so I found this place and I’ve been coming here every day for the last three days.  Did I hear wrong?”

 

“You learned… you learned how to tango in three days?”

 

“Yeah.  Just the basic eight count, and a few embellishments… but yeah. I think I do okay.  I had no idea it could get so complicated.  The instructor says it takes about a year to really be good at it, so don’t expect much, okay?  Oh, and I learned the leader part - hope that’s alright with you.”

 

“Uhm… yeah… yeah, that’s fine”, Josh said, a little shaken.  He’d never expected anything like this.  Although ballroom dancing had been part of his life for nearly five years now - his sole hobby - he hadn’t really thought about it much of late.  Not once the opportunity to actually have sex had shown up.  “It looks closed, though.”

 

“I have a key, the place will be all ours.”

 

“You have a key?”  

 

“The owner used to be a cheerleader in high school with my mom, and they still keep in touch.  I have a feeling she knew why I wanted to learn to dance, and she actually offered me a key.  Small world, huh?”

 

To someone who had just returned from appearing in a high fashion runway show in Milan, yes, incredibly small.  And different.  Very, very different. Josh just stared at Caleb’s face as he sat in the car with the engine still on.  This small world was Caleb’s.  It was close, and comfortable, and non-judgemental. Money just barely played a part in it.  In a lot of ways, this whole world was just like Caleb himself.

 

“Uh…” Caleb began, getting anxious from the other boy’s staring, “This is okay, right?  Because, I mean, if you don’t want to, we could-”

 

“No!  No… Uhm… yeah.  Yeah, it’s okay”, Josh said, finally turning off the engine, “I just… I’m impressed.  That you did all this.”   _ For me _ , he thought but didn’t say.

 

He didn’t need to say it.  Caleb heard it anyway.  In fact, later on when he’d remember this conversation, he would swear that Josh  _ did _ say it.  A new thing was appearing on the horizon of both boys’ lives, distant but awesome.  Its very awesomeness also made it a little scary.

 

“So… shall we go in?” Caleb asked rhetorically. 

 

* * *

 

“So, you’re okay with following?” Caleb asked.  Normally, of course, that was the woman’s part.

 

“Yeah, I can do either.  Everyone says that following just seems natural, because of how I look.  The women where I go get a big kick out of leading too, so yeah, I spend a lot of time following.”

 

“Teach me sometime, and I’ll follow you”, Caleb said, setting up Position One.  For him, the gender dichotomy of ballroom dancing wasn’t a concern at all, he just wanted to dance with Josh.  If there was more than one way to do it, then he was all in.

 

That statement, in this context, hit Josh like a snowball.   He tried to hide it.  “Uhm… yeah, ready.”

 

Good thing Josh didn’t expect much, because no, in three days, Caleb hadn’t learned a whole lot.  But that was okay, he could work with it.  In fact, it made Josh’s own improvisation easier, since he knew  _ exactly _ what Caleb would do next.  So it was a little like dancing with a robot, but still, it was dancing, and it was with him.

 

“Josh… I have no idea what half the stuff you’re doing is.”

 

“That’s okay.  I’m having fun.  Just keep doing it like you are.”

 

Well, that was good enough for Caleb.  That thing on the horizon was getting closer fast.

 


	6. Drama

A/N - _ full disclosure - the line about “Me who?  I know a lot of people by that name” was ripped off from an anime entitled “Steins;Gate”.  No, that’s not a typo.  Semi-colon.  Just thought I should admit it.  A great anime, I might add.  If you’re into anime, watch it. _

 

Chap 6 - Drama

 

But first, some words about the tango.

 

American, or “International” tango is almost an un-dance, and very different than any other type of Ballroom.  There are set routines for beginners to learn, of course, but the actual steps are pretty easy and uncomplicated compared to other dances of the genre.  What one learns as one goes on is that those steps are really just suggestions, sort of like a base ingredient, in the same way that roux (flour toasted in oil) is a base ingredient of Cajun cooking.  “First, you make the roux…” is how most Cajun recipes begin.  

 

About the only thing carved in stone is that the music must be in four-time.  Two-four if fast, four-four if slow - it doesn’t matter to the dance.  Almost any song using those time signatures is “tango-able”, although some more than others.  The heavy-metal band Metallica has tango-able pieces.  They probably didn’t intend them to be that way, but that’s how they turned out.  _ ‘Nothing Else Matters’ _ is a prime example of inherently tango-able pop music.  

 

Beginning followers are usually surprised by how much they can learn about their leader just by walking around the dance floor tango style, a first-day exercise.  For instance, they learn that everyone walks a little differently.  Some are staccato, with short, quick steps.  Others are fluid, more striding than walking.  And one can never tell which way it’s going to be by looking the person’s appearance. That big man with the beard and tattoos?  His walk might flow like water, you never know.  No walk is ‘better’, or ‘worse’ than any other; as long as the follower can mimic the same style, it will work.

 

Tango dances are very,  _ very _ close, torsos touch a lot.  The violation of personal space can make it hard for beginners to dance with strangers, something they have to learn to get over.  But get over it they must, because the essence of tango is  _ communication _ .  Through the body.  Pretty much the same skill that professional boxers develop, or lovers who are good at it.  But boxers can  _ see _ their opponent’s body.  Tango dancers and lovers have to feel for it.  That really is what it’s all about.

 

* * *

 

Josh’s overseas trip had used up a lot of his federally-allowed child labor hours for the next two months.  There would still be shoots, but not as often, only for a few hours at a time, and never at distant locations.  As a result, he had a lot more time to spend with Caleb, both for dancing and for sex.  

 

The dancing became a group affair as soon as the rest of #operationcaleb heard about it through the grapevine (as sourced by Caleb’s mother).  Jeanette immediately insisted (ordered) that Adam take her for lessons.  Darrin’s girlfriend did the same to him.  After a single lesson, they convinced Chester to go as well, even though he was solo.  They told him that there were more girls than there were boys, so he wouldn’t ever have to tango with a guy, which was something Chester had worried about.  Besides that, Chester was big, and tall, but they told him that it would be fine.  To everyone’s surprise, he turned out to be the star of the Beginner’s class - girls were jumping at the chance to dance with him, and they made sure to bring the highest heels they could stand in order to do so.  Maybe he was big, but by god that boy could  _ move _ .

 

Josh did give Caleb three suits - barely ever worn - but they didn’t fit Caleb at all, and he knew of no ‘tailor’ to call.  So they got by with casual clothes and dress shoes.  The dress shoes were important - one needs to be able to slide to tango, and that doesn’t happen in athletic shoes.  

 

As for sex, waiting on either of their homes to be empty wasn’t going to work out, so they decided to fortify Josh’s bedroom door with a towel on the floor and blankets hanging behind it in an effort at soundproofing.  It was a big house, and it wasn’t exactly a secret that the two boys were having sex, so they just put up with the possibility that someone might have an ear up to the wall in an adjoining room.  Becky actually did that once, but she couldn’t hear anything juicy so she gave up on it.  It was a well-constructed house.  It was enough for her to see their exhausted faces when they’d come down to the kitchen for a break. When Caleb wasn’t around she badgered Josh endlessly about who was the top, and Josh admitted that they took turns just to shut her up.  It had never occurred to her that boys would do that - it never happened in manga, and absolutely not with boys like the masculine Caleb.

 

One evening, Caleb had a special request:

 

“So Josh… would it be okay if I tried to have you cum in my throat again? I think-”

 

Josh interrupted, “Sure.  I like blowing my load into your lungs.  That’s fun for me.” 

 

“Stop it. I was gonna say, I think I know what I did wrong last time.  I was so desperate for air that I inhaled before I swallowed.  I have to be more careful about that, is all, and time my breathing better.  I’m sure I can do it!”

 

“Y’know, it doesn’t exactly feel so great - your mouth is way better than your throat.  Why is this so important to you?”, Josh asked.  One would think that a boy would know what feels good to another boy, and blow-jobs were basically all about the penis head and tongue play.  Surely Caleb knew that, right?

 

“I told you - it’s my fantasy.  Don’t ask me  _ why _ it’s my fantasy, it just is.  The feeling isn’t that big a whoop for me either, it’s just… I just want to at least know that you  _ have done _ it, if that makes any sense.  That you’ve fucked my throat.  It just seems like it would be so hot to know that.  I’m not explaining it very well…”

 

“I sort of understand, it’s kind of like my fantasy.  Well okay, but if we’re going to do that, it’s going to be the  _ last _ thing we do, right?  In case it doesn’t work like you think it will.  So I get to blow you and you have to fuck me first.  Those are the rules”, Josh said, sounding adamant about it.

 

“I could probably find twenty or thirty more guys willing to let you suck them off. Pretty sure even straight boys would let  _ you _ do that.  Get you good and filled up.” 

 

“Oh fuck you.  God… Eww.  No.  That will stay a fantasy, but thanks for thinking of me.  Asshole.”

 

“How about if I could find way that I could cum...say… a quart.  God, I’d have to orgasm for a long time, wouldn’t I…   Well, let’s say it’s magic.  Would that do it for ya?”

 

Josh thought about it.  Having Caleb cum continuously in his mouth, swallowing it down as fast as he could.  Maybe not fast enough though, and some would leak out, pulsing from the corners of his mouth as he sucked.  Suckled.  Suckled Caleb.  Suckled him like a...

 

“I totally would,” Josh said, standing up from the bed, “And now you’ve got me rock fucking hard, so stand up spread ‘em against the wall, police style.  I’m gonna fuck your brains out!”

 

Yep, they did indeed enjoy being gay teenage boys.  They sure did.

 

* * *

 

What with the demands of baseball, modeling sessions, and now upcoming mid-term tests, they didn’t see each other for the next four days.  Even the dancing lessons had been called off.  Caleb  _ had _ managed to let Josh cum in his throat that day, and only had to cough once afterward.  He replayed that experience in his head every time he masturbated.   _ Mouth-fucked.  Fucked in my mouth.  Josh fucked my mouth.  He mouth-fucked me. _  He’d repeat it in his head over and over, in every way he could think of.  When he came, he’d even say it out loud, albeit in a whisper.  _ Josh mouth-fucked me _ was by far his favorite of the many phrases.

 

Josh, however, wasn’t thinking about Caleb so much.  He had other concerns.  The Monday after that weekend, while he was supposedly resting, he’d had a visit from his agent, who had a suggestion.

 

* * *

 

Thursday evening.  Caleb was in the middle of cramming for Algebra II.

 

“Caleb!”, Becky shouted at him over the phone, “Caleb, you gotta come up here!  You gotta talk to Josh!  You gotta come  _ now _ !”

 

“What’s going on?”  he asked.  Becky sounded frantic.  Possibilities ran through his mind: someone died?  No, she wouldn’t be frantic about that.  Someone got into a bad accident?  No, she would have mentioned a hospital, if that were the case, not her house.  What could it be?

 

“Josh wants to be a girl!  That’s what!  That’s what he’s saying anyway - and we both know that’s bullshit, right?  He won’t listen to me, and he’s already got Mom convinced to let him start hormone blockers!  You gotta come talk to him!  Him and Mom too!  This is  _ SUCH _ bullshit!”

 

Well, he certainly wouldn’t have guessed  _ that _ !  He had to blink a couple of times to clear his head.  Josh wanted to become a girl?  It… it just wasn’t… no! 

 

“Are you serious?!”

 

“Too serious.  His agent was here a few days ago, I bet he gave him the idea.  I think we can both guess why.  Godammit, are you coming or not?!”

 

“I’m on my way, Becky.  I’ll be on my motorcycle, so don’t bother trying to call me on the road.  I should be there in forty minutes.”

 

“Well hurry!  God, I can’t fucking  _ believe _ this!” and she hung up.

 

It only took him thirty-five minutes.  When he got to the house, Becky was waiting on the front porch, pacing back and forth.  Caleb never even got the chance to say ‘hi’ before she started in.

 

“About fucking time!  Okay, you gotta go talk to Mom first.  Josh is still under eighteen, so she must have had to sign off on him getting the hormone blockers.  She bought into his lies.  Stupid, ignorant… You gotta set her straight!”

 

“He’s already taking hormone-blockers?” Caleb asked.  He knew what those drugs did from his stint googling about transgenders, or what used to be called ‘trans-sexuals’.  They did exactly what the name promised, and apparently they did it almost instantly.  It wasn’t really so bad though; stop taking them and everything goes back to normal, no damage done.  If he were to make it all the way to taking female hormones though, it could be a different story.

 

“No, but he has the prescription.  That’s the only reason I even know about this shit, I overheard him and Mom talking.  I’m not supposed to even fucking know!  God!  Stupid… bullshit!”

 

“That’s quite a mouth on you, Becky.  I never would have guessed.”

 

“Fuck off.  I am  _ so _ not in the mood to be the cute little sister right now!”

 

“You’re only a year younger than him, does that still count as-”, Caleb began.

 

“You must not have any siblings.  It wouldn’t matter if it was only a minute, I’d still the the little sister.  And I want a big brother!  Not a stupid fucking big sister!”

 

“You just said he was lying about being TG…”

 

“Well, yeah, but even if they’re lies, it still pisses me off.  And he’s not lying about the hormone blockers.  He’d take those in a heartbeat, just so he can work longer.  Idiot!  You realize that’s going to put an end to your sex-life, right?  Yours  _ and _ his!”

 

“I do realize that.  So what have you said to him and your Mom?” Caleb asked, gathering pre-intelligence before forming a battle plan.

 

“Uh… well… I mostly screamed at them and called them both fucking idiots.  Looking back now… I guess that probably didn’t help much. I also told Josh that you were coming, so he’s locked himself in his room.  So I didn’t exactly do you any favors there, either.  Sorry about that.”

 

“No, probably not.  Okay, I’m gonna go talk to Josh now.  You stay down here, okay?”

 

“What about Mom?” Becky asked.

 

“Your mom isn’t going to pay attention to me.  I’m just the boyfriend - Josh is her  _ son _ .  What I think isn’t going to have much weight.”

 

“Okay.  Well… good luck.  And I’m sorry for dragging you up here like this, but it’s a pretty big deal.”

 

Caleb started making his way into the house as he thought about that.  “Yeah.  It is.”

 

He didn’t even try opening Josh’s door.  That would have been rude.  “Josh?  Josh it’s me…”

 

“Me who?  I know a lot of people by that name.  If you’re here to yell at me and call me an idiot, you can just turn around and go home.  I’ve had my fill of that already.” 

 

“I’m not going to yell at you or call you an idiot.  But I don’t believe you’re trans either.”

 

“I could give a shit what you believe.”

 

“Well, convince me then.  Becky said you’ve convinced your mother, so you must have a pretty good argument.  Let me hear it.  Can I come in?”

 

“No.  I don’t need to convince you.  This doesn’t concern you.”

 

Caleb sighed and leaned back against the locked door. This might take awhile.  He knew he’d get in eventually - Josh didn’t sound pissed or angry or anything, like his sister had.  He was speaking at normal conversational volume.  So it was just a matter of time.

 

“Wow, you really can hear everything through this door.  Now I’m a little embarrassed.  So you don’t think I should be concerned when my gay boyfriend says he wants to be a girl?  I think I have a lot to be concerned about.  Let me guess - you want to be the next Andreja Pejić.  Yeah, I looked her up, and a lot of stuff about gender… distop..”

 

“Dysphoria”, Josh corrected him.

 

“Yeah, that one.  I couldn’t believe how common it is nowadays.  Andreja Pejić, Leah T, Carmen Something, Isis King - I love that name.  Seems like there’s lots of super-models who are TG.  It’s so hot right now…” Caleb said, borrowing a line from a movie.  Concentrating on what he was saying, he didn’t hear the door unlock, and thus stumbled backward and fell awkwardly onto the floor when Josh opened it.

 

“Pretty clumsy for a jock.  Did you just reference  _ Zoolander _ ?” Josh asked, still holding on to the doorknob and staring at Caleb on the floor.

 

“Ouch.  Yeah.  Well, it got me in through the door, anyway.  I call that a success.  So you’ll talk to me now?”

 

“Maybe.  But you have to be real with me.  If you start to go all Becky, you’re outta here.”

 

“I can do that,” Caleb replied, “But you have to be real with me too, fair enough?  Okay.  Josh,  _ real _ ly, you’re not trans-anything.  You don’t have gender… dis…”

 

“Dysphoria.  Who’s the idiot now?  That’s enough, you’re telling  _ me _ what I am.  You’re outta here.  Go.”

 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.  You’re right, I was trying to tell you about the most intimate part of yourself, and that’s a stupid thing to do. I’m an idiot.  So you tell me - why do you think you’re really a girl?” Caleb asked.  He didn’t believe that Josh actually  _ did _ think he was a girl, but he was willing to play along if it would keep him talking.

 

Josh sighed and sat on the edge of the bed.  Caleb pulled out his desk chair and sat there, facing him, four feet away.

 

“Look at me”, Josh began, “I already look like a girl.  And I like boys, so there’s that.”  Josh knew that the best way to begin lying is by telling the truth. “There’s lots more.  Caleb… I  _ like _ being pretty, okay?  I really do.  I even like it when they make me model women’s fashion - their stuff is so much prettier than menswear.  Have you ever heard of a boy who  _ wanted _ to be pretty?”  So much for the truth, time to start the lies. “And I’ve… I’ve just never felt comfortable in my own skin, like I had to be on guard all the time, acting a part that isn’t me.  You wouldn’t understand…”

 

Oh, Caleb understood, alright.  He’d read those same words - those  _ exact _ same words - over and over in the blogs of various real transgender people, both male-to-female and the other way around.  Didn’t matter, they all seemed to have the same experience.  But something about the way Josh said “comfortable in my own skin” just didn’t sound… like something the real Josh would say.  

 

“Okay, well, yeah, that sounds like gender dys...phoria… then.  I can see why your mom signed off on it”, Caleb said as earnestly as he could fake, and then got real:  “Anyone would buy that.”

 

Josh caught the subtext right away.  Between that, and Caleb’s apparently above-average knowledge of TG models and their current popularity, it was probable that his boyfriend knew the real reason he wanted hormone-blockers.  Plus, the look in Caleb’s eyes… genuine concern.  Caleb wasn’t trying to trip him up, or make him look foolish, or embarrass him in a lie.  He actually cared.  

 

Josh had to look away.

 

“Fine. Fine dammit.  No, I’m not a girl.  I never intended to even take estrogen, least of all have surgery.  I just need the hormone-blockers, and transition therapy is the only way I can get them.  And yes, I’m sure you already figured out why.  So I can stay pretty longer, so I can work longer.  That ‘real’ enough for ya?  I’m doing this thing, Caleb.  I have to.  Please don’t try to stop me.”

 

“Not my place to try to stop you from doing what you want to do.  I still kind of think it  _ is _ my place to understand why, though.  Boyfriends should at least be allowed that much.  But, were you ever going to tell me?”

 

“I don’t know, Caleb”, Josh admitted, still unable to look him in the face, “I hadn’t really gotten that far yet.  Maybe not.  If I could stay pretty forever and keep you from knowing how I did it, I probably would.   _ You _ like me being pretty too, you know.  It’s not just me and them.”

 

Caleb had to think about that.  Yes, he did.  He’d come to like a lot more about Josh than  _ just _ that, but still, ‘pretty’ was a big part of it.  After all, if Josh had looked like, say, Darrin, then they would have never been more than gay fuck-buddies, if even that.  Josh was more than a ‘fuck-buddy’.  Way more.  As odd as it may seem, that had just occurred to him.

 

“Yeah, I do like how pretty you are, I can’t deny that.  But just let me point out; all these muscles that you like so much are going to turn into flab someday, too.”

 

“Not if you keep working out.  Masculinity gets sexier with age.  Well, it  _ can _ , anyway, if the man is willing to work for it.  Femininity doesn’t.  It’s not fair, but it is how it is.”

 

Caleb had no counterpoint for that readily available. “Okay, Josh?  I don’t know how to argue about that - you have a point.  But… you know that the blockers are going to kill your sex-drive, right?  And I can’t fuck somebody who doesn’t want to fuck me.  I just can’t.  I can’t even fantasize about that, it kills me right away”, he said.  Now  _ he _ couldn’t look his boyfriend in the face.  “So… Becky told me that you already have a prescription.  Can you  _ please _ not take anything for a few days, while I try to figure out what to say?  I’m begging here.  I just… I just feel like I must be missing something.  So please?”

 

Josh stared into the eyes that weren’t looking back at him.  He  _ wanted _ to be talked out of it, but just didn’t see any way.  Maybe Caleb could find one.

 

“Yeah, okay.  You’ve got until next Monday, then I start popping pills.  As for our… relationship… afterwards, well... we’ll see what happens, okay?”

 

“Until next Monday.  Got it”, Caleb agreed, but there was something else he needed to say.  Too bad he couldn’t think of what it was.

 

* * *

 

So Caleb had a lot of things to think about.  Important, deep things about Josh, about himself, and about life in general.  So much was riding on this - again, for Josh as well as for himself - that he was overwhelmed and panicking, so he decided to reach out.

 

“So, uh… Darrin.  Can we talk for a minute?” Caleb asked nervously after everyone else had left the usual Friday meeting.  There was nothing going on this weekend, everyone was simply cramming for tests, so the get-together was short.  

 

“Wow -   _ you _ want to talk to  _ me _ for a minute?  That’s new and different.  I bet it’s about Josh.”

 

“It’s about Josh”, Caleb confirmed.

 

“Shocker...”

 

“Stop trying to be funny.  This is serious”, Caleb said on the edge of being angry.  He wasn’t in the mood for the other boy’s wit - such as it was.

 

“Alright, I’m sorry. I’ll straighten up.  What’s going on?”

 

“It’s about… Josh said that… Okay”, Caleb abandoned trying to improvise, “I made a list.  Hold on”, he said fishing a folded paper out of his back pocket.

 

“A  _ list _ ?  Damn, man - this  _ is _ serious.  You have a LIST of problems with Josh?”  Darrin was honestly curious now.  He liked Josh.  How could Caleb have a whole list of problems?

 

“It’s not all about Josh, okay?  Some of it is about me.  And some of it is about… just… other stuff.  Okay.  Okay…” Caleb looked at the paper for awhile while Darrin waited with a mixture of surprise and worry.  “Uh… this is stupid”, he finally said, “No, forget it, it was a stupid idea.  I’m a stupid person.  This is a stupid thing.  Never mind.”

 

“I’ve seen you be stupid before, Caleb.  You’ve seen me be stupid too.  We’ve even been stupid together.  Remember the cherry-bomb war? We’re both lucky to still have all our fingers.”  The ‘cherry-bomb war’ was during the summer of seventh grade. And yes, it was pretty damn stupid. “Look, just read off the first one on your list and we’ll go from there, okay?”

“Uhm… okay.  I’m just… I’m kind of having a hard time thinking straight”, Caleb said.  Darrin saw the opening for an obvious joke, but let it go by.  He wasn’t  _ that _ stupid. “So… You know that I like pretty, right?”

 

“ _ Everyone _ likes pretty, Caleb.  Boys, girls, adults, kids.  Everyone. ”

 

“Yeah, fine.  Well… How long… I mean…”  Even with the list to stare at, Caleb was having a hard time actually saying it.  To admit this would be to admit to being a shallow, ignorant, asshole - emphasis on the shallow.  Only a little less on the ignorant.  Exactly the kind of person no one wants to admit being.

 

“Just read it, dude.  You can always say that you didn’t mean it the way it sounds.”

 

“Yeah. Fine then.  What the hell.  ‘What am I going to do when Josh isn’t pretty anymore?’  There.  God, it sounds even stupider out loud…”  

 

Darrin was perplexed,  “When is Josh going to stop being pretty?”

 

“It doesn’t last forever, Darrin.  Even I know that.  Usually it doesn’t even last  _ long _ !  You ever see a pretty middle-aged man?”

 

“Oh, I dunno…” Darrin thought about it.  He didn’t exactly keep an eye out for pretty men.  That was sort of Caleb’s thing, wasn’t it?  Caleb out to be able to rattle off a list of pretty men off the top of his head.  Why was he asking him to do it?  Oh well, he’d think about that later, he needed an example of a pretty man right now.  Let’s see…  “Oh, how old is Johnny Depp?  Fifty-something now?   I’d say he’s still pretty.  Very pretty.  Don’t you think?”

 

Caleb was stunned.  Yes, Mr. Depp was pretty.  And obviously so, and famous.  Why hadn’t Caleb thought of that? Still, maybe Johnny was just… an exception to the rule?  “Okay, so that’s one.   _ One _ ! Out of all-”

 

“Ok, then what about Leonardo DiCaprio?  Something about his face bugs me - it’s too triangular or something, but still, awfully pretty.   George Clooney, maybe?  Even Harrison Ford, a little?  I mean,  _ I _ wouldn’t sleep with those guys, but-”

 

“I would.  Fuck”, Caleb interrupted.  Why had none of this occurred to him?  Why had he never even  _ thought _ to look for examples?  More occurred to him on the spot.

 

Darrin continued,  “And what about Clint Eastwood?  You ever see his old black-and-white tv show?  I forget the name…  _ Rawhide _ maybe?  He was totally pretty when he was young.  I know he’s not any more - but still, he seems like a damn handsome man, even to me.”

 

“Yeah.  He is.  Not ‘pretty’ anymore but…”  No, Clint the man wasn’t pretty, but Caleb would still fuck him.  Or preferably get fucked  _ by _ him.  But wasn’t ‘pretty’ Caleb’s top requirement?  Strictly enforced?  Zero tolerance?  Things were getting more and more confusing all the time.  “Why didn’t I think of this stuff…”

“When people are scared, they dwell on the worst possible outcome.  And you are fucking scared shitless.  Wow.”

 

“Boys don’t stay pretty long.  I’ve heard other people say that too, it’s not just me.”

 

“They were probably talking about  _ little  _ boys.  Pre-teens.  Yeah, little boys are cute.  There’s a difference between ‘cute’ and ‘pretty’... and maybe ‘beautiful’, but that’s over my head.  And yeah, they grow out of it fast.  But Josh is seventeen - and he’s  _ still _ gorgeous  _ and _ cute  _ and _ beautiful.  So I bet he’ll be pretty forever.  It happens.”  Darrin was getting further and further out of his comfort zone with all this talk about sexy males.  He really didn’t know much about that.  Women though - he  _ did _ keep an eye out for them...   “Hey - know who my first crush was?  From sixth grade to this day, no joke. Guess who.”

 

“Sixth grade?  Uhm… maybe Mrs. Renfrow”, Caleb guessed.  Lots of the boys in grade-school had their first hots for Mrs. Renfrow.  Caleb wasn’t one of them, but he knew that a lot of other boys did.

 

“Bzzt! The correct answer was: Mary Tyler Moore.”

 

“Mary… the actress?  In those old sitcoms?”  Caleb and Darrin had grown up watching reruns of various shows she’d starred in.

 

“Yeah.  It’s that smile, man.  Well, and more, but I swear to God, there were times I think my heart actually did skip a beat when she smiled.  Usually that’s just flowery words, but maybe there’s something to it.  And by the way?  She wasn’t  _ just _ an actress.  She was a  _ producer _ .  I think ‘executive producer’, which sounds important even if I don’t know what it means.  But anyway, I’ve read that she was a pretty major power in the TV industry back then - and TV  _ really _ isn’t a place that likes to put women in charge, especially in those days.  So MTM and Lucille Ball were big exceptions.  They must have been amazing people.”

 

“Alright, so she was amazing, and had a nice smile.  What’s that got to do with -”

 

“She died last year.  She was eighty years old.  EIGHTY YEARS OLD, man.  And she was  _ still _ hot.  She still had that smile too.  What I’m getting at is that I don’t think you need to worry about Josh, dude.  He’ll always be pretty - especially to you.”

 

_ He’ll always have that smile, too.  _ Caleb thought.  Josh’s smile really was a power unto itself, and not just to Caleb.  Darrin was making a lot of sense.  Obvious sense.  

Caleb didn’t say anything.  He felt stupid and small.  It was bad enough having to ask his straight best-friend about these things, but to find out that he actually had  _ answers _ was just… humiliating.

 

“You never disagreed with me when I said you were scared.  Wow”, Darrin noticed.  “You’re afraid that Josh might lose his looks, and that when he does, you’ll lose Josh.  You ever notice how many hot women have… not-so-good-looking husbands?  Or vice versa?  I do.  I’ve always wondered how that happens.  But y’know, fifty is a long way from sixteen years old, like we are.  Maybe some things change.”

 

“Maybe…” Caleb said softly, wondering if - and hoping that - it might be so.

 

“So you think you’ll still be boyfriends - or maybe husbands - when you’re both in your fifties?  Because that’s serious stuff, man.  I had no idea you guys had gotten that far.”  In truth, he’d suspected, but no, he wasn’t sure.  Until now.

 

Neither had Caleb, who only just now realized that he  _ had _ been thinking that way. Whoa.  Really?

 

“Uhm… I dunno… maybe?  Uh....”  Caleb was now overwhelmed, afraid,  _ and _ confused.

 

“You’re totally in love with him, aren’t you…”

 

“What?  No!  I mean...  I don’t think...  I mean… How would… What are-”

 

It was pretty painful watching Caleb squirm.  “What you’re probably trying to say is, ‘what is love’.  And hey, I’m the same age you are, so like I’d know.  People  _ WAY _ smarter than me have been asking that for thousands of years.  But I’ll tell ya what my grandpa once told me: ‘If you’re thinking about what it’ll be like growing old together - then you’re in love.  I guarantee.’  And you are.  But apparently you don’t even know it yet.  Man, you really  _ do _ have a lot to be afraid of, huh?”

 

Caleb couldn’t think of anything to say and just sat there staring at the coffee table.  He would have said ‘yes, I do’, if he’d had presence of mind to answer.

 

“I can hear the gears grinding in your head, Caleb.  Okay, let’s go ahead and knock this one out too.  I think I know a way.  But I gotta say, it feels weird for me to give love advice to you, since you’re gay and all.  But… maybe that doesn’t make any difference.  And maybe I’m just more romantic than you are. Right.  Let’s  see if you can say, ‘I love Josh’.”

 

“What?”  Caleb was taken aback.  He  _ really _ wasn’t ready to commit that far yet.

 

“No, man, it’s just for practice.  It doesn’t count.  And I’ll never tell anyone that you said it or anything, it’s just to see if you can.  And what it feels like when you do.  Like I said, it doesn’t count.  But just for the record, let me say this:  _ I _ love Josh.”

 

“Fuck are you talking about?”

 

“Well, I do!  Who the hell wouldn’t love Josh?  Besides being so pretty, he’s funny, and kind of sarcastic - I really like that - and smart and genuine.  Yeah, I love the dude.  Just not like  _ you _ do, though.  I love you too, by the way.  I know guys don’t say that about each other much - straight guys anyway - but that’s just a stupid macho thing.  Girls say it to each other all the time.  They also hug a lot, pressing their tits together… Oh man, I envy girls sometimes. Imagine what that… nevermind.  Back to you.  Give it a shot.  ‘I love Josh’.”

 

“This is stupid.  Fine.  I…  I…” Caleb just couldn’t  _ quite _ do it.

 

“You know -  _ not _ being able to say it - when it doesn’t even count - is more telling than just saying it…”

 

Caleb huffed.  “I love Josh.  God.  I hope you’re happy now.”

 

“Don’t worry about me.  Are  _ you _ happy?  Say it again and pay attention to how it feels.”

 

“Okay, no big.  I love Josh”, he said, his eyes still locked onto Darrin’s in challenge, but seeing off into space as the words left his lips.  

 

Darrin kept silent - he’d seen that look in Caleb’s eyes.  He let it sink in.  The two remained quiet for a long moment.

 

Until eventually, still looking at nothing, Caleb repeated, “I love Josh.  I… I fucking love Josh.  Oh my god...”  He paused for another moment, and then his eyes snapped back into reality. “Darrin!  I fucking love Josh!”

 

Darrin couldn’t help but grin. “Yeah.  You do.  Another one bites the dust.”

 

Then they heard the front door open.

 

“Hey, Darrin, I forgot my - Caleb’s still here?” Jeanette had come in unannounced, without knocking.  She’d left her her backpack behind.  She noted the look on the two boys faces.  They  looked like they’d just been caught either jacking-off or kissing, though neither seemed likely.  “Did I… interrupt something?  What’s going on?”

 

“Nothing”, they both replied but not even nearly in unison.

 

“You lie like dogs. I’ll ask again: What’s going on?”

 

After a short pause, Darrin said simply, “Caleb loves Josh.”

 

“Darrin!”, Caleb cried, “Goddammit!  What the fuck?”

 

“Calm down”, Darrin replied, “Remember the last time you thought you had a big secret that nobody knew about?  Deja vu.”

 

“Oh, so that’s it”, Jeanette said, “Let me guess - he just figured it out.”

 

“Yeah.  They’re having some kind of problem, and he came over to get some help.”

 

“I swear to GOD Darrin!..” Caleb actually yelled at him.  He really was getting pissed.

 

“Yeah, I know, but she’s a girl.  That might come in handy, depending on what your other issues are.  So I figured what the hell.”

 

“Other issues?  With Josh?  How many does he have?” Jeanette asked.

 

Caleb hid his list behind his back and looked sternly at Darrin without speaking.

 

“Uhm… I think he’s getting mad at me for saying as much as I have already.  Sorry.  I’m gonna shut up for awhile.  Maybe you should ask him yourself,” Darrin said.

 

“Okay, I will” Jeanette replied, finding her backpack and taking a chair on the other side of the coffee table. “So Caleb, I hear you have problems with Josh.  What have you and Darrin talked-”

 

“You know, I didn’t come here for a goddamn group intervention.  I know those are a popular thing now, but I’m really, really not up for that.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right.  I should just go.  But Caleb - remember what I said about us being teenage American girls?  Well, in the same way, Josh is too.  Relationship problems are like a hobby to us.  I know Darrin is your best friend since forever, so you probably feel comfortable talking to him, but you should really think about talking to me, too.  Like he said, I’m a girl. Darrin’s a jock.  A different perspective might be a good thing for you.  Alright, you guys talk it out, I’m leaving”,  she said, getting up and heading for the door.

 

Caleb almost let her open it.  “Jeanette…  come back.  Sit down.  I’m sorry, I’m just… overwhelmed, I guess.  And Darrin just said he loved me, so that didn’t help.”

 

“Hey!”, Darrin spoke up, “I didn't mean-”

 

“I know what you meant, don’t get all excited.  Still kind of shook me up, though.  I need a break from this shit.  Do you have any tea made?”, he asked Darrin.

 

“Good idea, I’ll get it.  Jeanette?”

 

“Got Diet Dr. Pepper?”

 

“Only Diet I have is seven-up.”

 

“Ooooh, I haven’t had that in ages.  Yeah, that’ll work.  Please.”

 

“Okay.  Caleb, maybe you want to catch her up on where what we’ve covered so far?  Or maybe not - you did say you wanted a break.  Anyway, up to you, this is supposed to be your show.  Be right back,” Darrin said, heading for the kitchen.

 

Jeanette waited until he was gone.  “So, Caleb.  Ready for the math test?”

 

He knew what she was doing, and decided to just get it over with.  He was too emotionally exhausted to make small-talk.  “We talked about how Josh will probably be pretty even when he’s older - I was really worried about that - and he got me to admit that I’m in love with him.  And yes, I have a whole list of other stuff, but now that I think about it, really there’s just one more biggie - and I can only sort of talk about it, because I promised Josh I wouldn’t tell.  There, now you’re caught up.”

 

“The looks thing.  That figures.  I agree - if he’s still cute now, he probably always will be, esp-”

 

“Especially to me.  That’s what Darrin said.”

 

“Hmph.  Smart boy.  Yeah.  Good.  Have you thought about how Josh might be afraid of that too?  Remember - teenage girls.  Him too.”

 

No, Caleb hadn’t thought of that.  But hell, Josh already thought he’d be washed up as a model before he hit twenty-five.  He’d said so.  Because he made his living off his looks, he was perfectly aware of…  _  Is HE afraid I won’t like him anymore when he’s old?  Is he scared too? And is that the whole reason... _

 

“Oh my fucking god…”, Caleb mumbled to himself.

 

“Something?” Jeanette asked.

 

“I just had an epi… epipan… uh-”

 

“‘Epiphany’.”

 

“An epiphany.  Thanks.  Wow.  I’m going to have to basically tell Josh the same things Darrin just told me.  I hope it works on him though, because Josh’s looks are  _ really _ important to him.  And I get why, sure, but I think he takes it too far.”

 

“I bet Josh was pretty ever since he was little.  And I think that can really fuck with your head.  I consider myself lucky - I didn’t start to look hot until eighth grade.  Boobs finally started to come in, y’know.  Butt too.  Before that I was pretty scrawny, but now I actually have to watch my weight, so... ya win some, ya lose some… But I have girlfriends who’ve  _ always _ been hot, and yeah, some of ‘em are kind of screwed up in certain ways.  Josh probably thinks that his looks are the only valuable thing about him.”

 

“I’m back!”, Darrin announced, coming up the hall.  “No fair talking about stuff without me, but I’m a nice guy, I’ll let it go this time.  Besides, I heard the word ‘girl’ a lot, and I get enough of that from my girlfriend,” he said, setting the drinks in appropriate places,  “Seven-up, iced tea.  And iced-tea for me.   So, you ready to pull out your list again, Caleb?”

 

“Actually, I had an epi… epiphany, while you were gone, so there’s really only one more thing I want to talk about.  But I can’t say too much, so… not sure how this is going to work”, Caleb paused, working up courage.  If he fucked this up, and Josh found out, it would be bad.  “You both already know that Josh supports his whole family, right?”

 

Darrin and Jeanette both nodded.

 

“Well… modeling is a pretty dangerous career.  I’ve read up on it.  No matter how high up you are, it can all go away in a single day.  And even if that doesn’t happen, it’ll eventually go away anyhow as you get older.  Josh says that’s all he has though, so he wants to make as much money as he possibly can as fast as he possibly can.”

 

“Rich people are always worried about money,” Adam said as he came - also without knocking - through the door.

 

“Adam?  What brings you back?” Jeanette asked.

 

“Saw your car and Caleb’s bike as I was on my way back home after an errand.  Thought I should see what’s up.”

 

“God dammit”, Caleb moaned.

* * *

 

“God dammit”, Josh moaned.

 

All of #operationcaleb had shown up, and were standing in formation again on the driveway in front of Josh’s front door.    Josh himself was standing on the porch with his arms crossed, his sister off to the side where she liked to be.  The only real difference between the first time they’d done this was that Caleb was in front, and Josh’s mother  stood next to her son.

 

Josh was not happy.  “Dammit Caleb, you  _ said _ that-”

 

“They don’t know anything, Josh.  Nothing.  I didn’t say a word, swear to God.  So stop talking before you accidentally spill the beans yourself - that’s the kind of thing I tend to do.  Listen, I couldn’t do it myself, okay?  I was scared and confused - and it wasn’t all about you, either.  I needed help.  And it just… it kind of got out of hand… But I swear, they don’t know anything.”

 

Since Josh was still just standing there looking angry, but not saying anything, Darrin took the lead.

 

“Yeah, so I guess this is like an ‘intervention’, even if we don’t know what we’re inter… vention… ing.   I know it’s weird, okay?  Everything about you and Caleb has been weird - starting with us searching high and low to even find you - so we all kind of feel like we have a stake in this, at least a little bit.  So don’t bother telling us that it’s none of our business - we already know that.  But we’re here anyway.  We can do this out here - there’s no reason for us to come inside.  So will you listen?”

 

“Go on, then”, Josh said, with less challenge than one might expect.  He was secretly hoping that they might come up with something he hadn’t already thought of.

 

“Okay, I’ll start”, Darrin said and then cleared his throat.  “Caleb says that  _ you _ say that your modeling career won’t last past age twenty-five.  Let’s just go with the worst-case scenario and assume that’s true - maybe Phan can convince you that it’s not, that was his project.  But let’s just say it is.   _ If _ Caleb ever actually makes it to the Pros, his career will probably be short too.  Pro baseball player’s average time playing is five and a half years.  If they last longer than that, then they usually last a  _ lot _ longer than that, but that’s still the average.  And while Caleb may be a big shot in Golden Meadow, he’s has a lot of competition at the state level.  And the Pros play on a national level, so… He’s got a lot of work ahead if he does that, just to get there.  If he’s seriously injured  _ anywhere _ along the way, then it’s all over.  So he’s picked a dangerous path too, it’s not just you.  Okay”, Darrin finally took a break, “that’s it for me.  Phan, you’re up.”

 

Phan ran through his list of models age thirty and over, concentrating on Josh’s “pretty boy” image type.  Many of them were transgender, but many weren’t.  A few of them - even in men’s fashion - were actually women.  Yes, a lot of models were done by twenty-five, but amongst the  _ super _ -models, not so much.  And Josh’s looks were… super.  Surely he knew that.

 

Jeanette gave her speech - an effort to convince Josh that his looks probably weren’t going to fade away all that fast.  Johnny Depp’s name came up again, along with a list of others.  She told Josh that looks weren’t everything, and that of course he wouldn’t believe her right now, but should keep an open mind, because things change with time.  Added to that, losing a relationship because appearances change is a risk everyone takes, Josh was no exception.  She finished by noting that - for reasons she didn’t know and couldn’t explain because teenager - it probably wouldn’t matter to Caleb anyway,  Josh would always be beautiful to him.

 

Chester pointed out that there was no age limit to starting college.  He’d had an uncle who had started at thirty-five.   If Josh couldn’t model, well, he still had lots of time and money to find something else to do.   Josh was more than a model.  He should start thinking about what else he might like to do and be.

 

Dustin waxed poetic on the meaning of life and happiness.  Money was good to have, true, and Josh had it.  Was it making him happy?  Was that important?  HOW important?  How important was Caleb to him?  He didn’t try to answer the questions, he only posed them.  

 

Adam finished off by talking about money.  The son of a banker, he’d been hearing about money all his life, even though it didn’t particularly interest him.  He didn’t know how much Josh actually had - but guessed that it was probably handled by an account or at least financial planner.  He told Josh to ask that account or planner what would happen if Josh were to stop modeling  _ now _ .  Right now.  And he reminded him that most of the people he knew in the industry were making money off of him, so maybe he should keep that in mind when listening to their advice.

 

“Okay Josh”, Caleb took control again, “That’s it.  We’re done here.”  He glanced over at Darrin for confirmation.  Darrin only looked him in the eye slyly.   _ Isn’t there something else YOU have to say? _

 

“Oh yeah.  Uh… one more thing.  Uhm…”  Caleb looked at the ground.  He looked at the sky.  He looked at Darrin again, who only rolled his eyes at him.  He finally looked at Josh, and took a deep breath.  “I love you, Josh.”

 

Profound silence descended over everyone arranged outside of Josh’s house after Caleb’s admission.  They were all waiting on Josh to say “I love you, too” as one is expected - almost required - to do.  So they were rather surprised when Josh said -

 

“Idiot.”

 

Caleb was nonplussed.  He could tell that ‘idiot’ meant  _ Of course you do, and I love you too, but I don’t particularly approve of your use of this venue to express it verbally for the first time.  Nonetheless, I see why you did and I’ll let it go this time. _ None of the rest of the onlookers had that insight, of course, and so were quite… plussed.

Josh already knew that he and Caleb were in love, besides just being ‘lovers’.  And even if he hadn’t been before, after the ‘intervention’, he certainly would be now.  The group actually  _ had  _ come up with things that Josh hadn’t already thought about, or in some cases had thought about but purposefully ignored.  Adam’s bit about what would become of him and his family if he stopped modeling  _ now _ hit home in particular.  They’d be fine.  His mother had been telling him that for years.  She didn’t really like the fashion industry either - the proof was her own choice of attire - but let Josh go on because she thought he liked it.  He kept telling her that.  

 

After enjoying everyone’s shocked expression for awhile, Josh turned to his mother.  “Mom, I lied.  I don’t think I’m a girl.  I don’t  _ want _ to be a girl.  I really, really, really like being a boy”, he smirked sidelong at Caleb still standing in front of the group awkwardly, “I only told you that so I could get hormone-blockers so I could stay pretty longer and model longer.  You probably already knew that.  But I’m an asshole teenager who thinks he knows better than his Mom.  So I’m sorry.”

 

Josh’s mother immediately began crying and embraced her son tightly, murmuring things like “Oh Josh, Josh, Josh, my little man.  Oh!” and other phrases even more embarrassing.

 

“Mooooom…” Josh said childishly, “Geez…”

 

“I know it’s embarrassing dear, but I’m your mother, so just suck it up. I’ll probably never get to do this again”, she said quietly, so that only Josh would hear, “Oh thank god you finally found friends to knock some sense into your head!  I’m so happy!”

 

Finally she released him and stood there wiping her eyes.  Josh was beet red.

 

“God.  Okay - Mom?  You and Becky go inside.  We’re going to have a party.  Darrin, Phan - you guys go cook something, whatever you can find.  And the rest of you just go on in too.  Caleb, let’s go to my room - we have more to talk about.”

 

“Will that include you saying that you love me too?”  Caleb asked.  Even if he knew the answer, he still wanted to hear it said.

 

Josh smirked again, “Well, I  _ was _ , but now you’ve kind of ruined it.  But still, we need to talk, so go on up.  I’m going to wash Mom’s makeup off my face first.”  It’s true, his face was smeared with foundation and blush, and more than a few streaks of mascara from his mother.  Big hair and lots of makeup - it remains a Southern Tradition.

 

* * *

 

“So what did you want to talk about?” Caleb asked as Josh entered the room.

 

“Let’s start off with how the hell we’re going to stay together.  I turn eighteen in a month, and I’ll be graduating high school a month after that.  Once I’m eighteen, it’s legal for me to work as much as I want to - and the agency wants that to be all the time.”

 

“You mean you won’t be graduating?”

 

“Oh, I will.  I’m told it’s going to cost me close to a quarter of a million dollars in lost work to finish high school, but I’m going to do it anyway.”

 

“A quarter of a  _ million _ dollars!?  Fuck is wrong with you?” Caleb asked, stunned.  

 

“Calm down.  Caleb… I started modeling in the middle of grade school.   _ GRADE _ school.  I don’t even remember much from when it started.  And it just took off.  It’s been my whole life, the only thing I’ve done.  Just about ALL my childhood memories are of modeling.  I have to work hard at it too, even when I’m not shooting.  You probably haven’t thought about that.  You know all those poses and ‘looks’ that I do, that you find so amazing?  That takes practice.  Lots and lots of practice.  I’ve never had time for much else.  That party with your friends was the first  _ real _ party I’d ever been to, and one very few social events in my life that weren’t all about networking and schmoozing.  You wouldn’t believe how important that was to me.  It was like a whole new world.”

 

“What’s that have to do with turning down a quarter of a-”

 

“I want to have  _ ONE _ normal childhood memory for when I get older, Caleb.  I’m going to graduate high school just like everyone else does.  I’m going to the Prom - you’ll be my date.  I should have timed telling you that better…  But anyway, just ONE normal thing from my teenage years.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

 

Caleb considered how many childhood memories  _ he _ had to choose from.  Besides the Cherry Bomb War, there was the first time his father had taken him along to gather oysters, his first BB gun, his first time deep sea fishing, the first time he was given a ride on a motorcycle by his older cousin...lots of them, all different.  His childhood had been  _ adventurous _ , by anyone’s standards.  By Josh’s, it probably seemed literally fantastic.

 

“Okay, I get it… I get it.  Yeah, you should have at least that.  Okay.  But after graduation, you’ll work full time?”

 

Josh sighed, “I… I don’t know, Caleb.  I don’t know what it’ll be like.  How busy I’ll be, how much time I’ll have left over.  I’ll probably be flying all over the world.  After that runway show in Milan, everyone was really excited for me, saying how they want to make me a star, a household name.”

 

“You don’t want that?” Caleb asked.  Who turns down world fame?  You never  _ hear _ about anyone doing that.  Because of course you don’t, unless they’re famous.

 

“Who  _ doesn’t _ want to be famous, Caleb?  Of  _ course _ I want it.  But I may have to sell my soul to get it.  Dustin just pointed that out to me.  Pretty sure I’m not up for selling my soul.  I’ve seen too much of your world to ever give it up.  So… we’ll see.  Maybe I can keep working - but at a pace I can live with.  I’m not even sure what that means, exactly”, Josh paused and looked the other boy right in the eye, “Spending time with you is going to be a priority, Caleb.  It won’t be  _ all _ my time, but we’ll work it out.  Yes?”

 

“You’re… you’re going to turn down being famous for me?”

 

“Don’t get a big head.  No, not just for you, mostly for me.  So I can have a life.  I do want you to be a part of that life, though.  I’m sure we’ll have this discussion again in two years when  _ you _ graduate.  Will you get drafted straight out of high school?  Will you join a minor league and try to work your way up? Or will you play for a college team and hope you get noticed there?  It’s way too early to make any plans for two years down the road yet.  We haven’t even been together for  _ one _ year so far.  A lot could happen.  I might find out that you like to wear sweater-vests, for instance.  That’d be a deal-breaker right there.”

 

“You sure know a lot about baseball, suddenly…”

 

“No, I don’t even know the rules, nor do I care to.  But I did look up stuff on where they get Pro players.  My boyfriend might play pro baseball.  It seemed like I should find out how it works.”

 

“Yeah.  I probably should too, actually.  But speaking of spending our time - I really, really want to learn how to tango as good as you do, Josh.  I think… I think I want that to be our thing.”

 

Josh was a little taken aback, “Well that was out of the blue…”

 

“Was it?  I dunno… it just popped into my head.  That it was important  I guess it  _ was _ a little weird, now that you mention it.  Okay, so was there anything else you wanted to talk about?”

 

Josh looked away from Caleb’s prying eyes.  Yes there was, but it was kind of embarrassing, “Yeah, uh… Caleb?  Can you think of anything else I’d be good at besides… looking pretty and making bedroom eyes?”

 

“You’re pretty good at banging my butt…”

 

Josh’s face made clear that he did  _ not _ appreciate the attempt at humor.

 

“Okay! Okay, I’m sorry!” Caleb frantically back-pedaled, “Geez, if looks could kill.  You should show  _ that _ to the photographers sometime.  But how should I know what else you’d be good at?  What would you  _ like _ to be good at?”

 

“That’s just it.  I don’t know.  I can’t think of anything. Is that normal? To not know what you even  _ like _ ?”

 

“Apparently it is for you.  Look, I’ll think about it, and you can think about it, and… Have you never thought about it before?”

 

“No.  I’ve always just assumed I’d be modeling until I couldn’t anymore.  I’ve never really had a plan beyond that.”

 

“Well, we have some time yet”, Caleb said wondering just how much they really did have.  “… I smell gumbo…”

 

“Me too.  Let’s just go join the party for now, we can talk more later,” Josh said, standing up.  Caleb did too.  “Oh, wait, I almost forgot”, he added, capturing the other boy in a hug, “I love you too, Caleb”, he said, and then kissed him.  For awhile.  

 


	7. Tell Me I'm Pretty

Chap 7 - Tell Me I’m Pretty

 

“Sorry about this, Philip…”, said Josh, the Raceland High School Prom Queen, to the King.

 

“Don’t worry about it.  You know why they’re doing this, right?”

 

“Uhm…”

 

“They want to see me freak out about having to dance with another guy.”

 

“Oh.  Well, look-” Josh began.

 

“I say we give ‘em a show”, Philip said with a faintly evil smile, “Something they’ll remember forever.  You up for that?”

 

“Well… I guess… if you are.  Whoops, that’s our music.  Here we go.”

 

* * *

 

Josh and Caleb left the prom early in order to get to the gang’s after-prom party at Caleb’s house, forty miles away.  Caleb’s home was riverfront, with a little dock for his father’s oyster-boat.  The other side of the river - facing West - was endless wetland.  The house was ideally situated for an evening party.  

 

Josh was driving them in his SUV.  Caleb remained silent until they were out on the highway.

 

“Did you  _ have _ to kiss him like that?  Jesus...” Caleb asked.  He was irked, which is just a little less than ‘pissed’.  The kiss after the dance ended had been on the mouth, long, and to all appearances,  _ very _ passionate.  There had been no tongue involved, but of course no one but Philip and Josh knew that.

 

“First of all,  _ he _ was kissing  _ me _ .  And second, it was just an act.  He was trying to shock everybody because they all assumed that he’d freak about having to dance with me at all.  Sounded to me like it worked - I heard a lot of gasping going on.”

 

“Yeah, shocked  _ me _ too.  And the way you were looking at him… god damn, Josh…”  Josh and Philip had been looking deep into each other’s eyes during the whole dance.  Philip’s face was stone-like, but then his face always looked that way.  He was captain of the wrestling  _ and _ football teams.  Josh, however, had looked convincingly… dreamy.

 

“You’ve seen me make that face before, Caleb.  That was ‘bedroom eyes’.  I was just playing along, give me a break.  Philip is about as straight as a boy can get, trust me.  That’s why they wanted to see him dancing with me.  That’s probably the only reason they even made me Prom Queen.”

 

“Yeah, I could see that he didn’t enjoy it.  But  _ you _ did.  You had a hard-on”, Caleb accused.

 

Josh had forgotten that Caleb had spent most of his life checking out guys crotches.  “Well, yeah… I mean fuck, how could I not?  Slow-dancing with this huge muscular guy, holding each other tight…  I can’t exactly control that, y’know?  He didn’t have one though.  Oh… oh wait…” Josh stalled as a new thought occurred to him, “Caleb… you’re  _ jealous _ !  Oh my god!”  Josh began to giggle.

 

“No!  … Well, a little.  He was fondling your butt, too.  And you didn’t stop him.  So yeah, it just looked like you were having  _ way _ too much fun.”

 

“Okay, well, I was - but it wasn’t ‘sexy’ fun, okay?  It was just ‘acting’ fun.  It was so hard to keep a straight face when he did that.  Not exactly the gentlest fondle I’ve ever had, either.  I kind of feel sorry for his girlfriends.  Super strong hands, y’know.  I hope he didn’t leave marks on my butt where he squeezed it.”

 

“Can you  _ STOP _ talking about some other guy squeezing your butt?!”

 

* * *

 

“Oh my god…” Jeanette’s cry alerted the other partiers when Caleb and Josh appeared from around the corner of the house, “Oh my fucking god… Josh - you look like an angel!”  Josh’s five-piece tuxedo was solid white, as were all his accessories.  Caleb’s suit - one that Josh had given him - was black, and not a tux at all, but the light somehow reflected blue off it.  It was entrancing, sure, but paled next to Josh’s pretty streaked-blonde head on top of his blinding white tux.

 

“And I look nice too, thanks”, Caleb huffed, “Now excuse me while I get out of this monkey-suit.”

 

“I’m coming with”, Chester said,  fairly jumping to his feet, “Don’t you  _ dare _ try taking that off by yourself.”

 

Josh found Chester’s words and behaviour perplexing.  “Why not?”

 

Chester answered, “Because some of the seams are just temporary - I didn’t have time to do them right.  If he tries to take it off in a hurry, things will rip and ruin the fabric, and then the whole thing will be trash.”

 

“Wait.   _ You _ fitted Caleb’s suit?”

 

“Yeah.  But like I said, I was in a hurry for the final things, so-”

 

“No.  I thought…  _ YOU _ can tailor suits?”  Josh still couldn’t believe it.  He’d been impressed that apparently Caleb had found a professional tailor to do it, and wondered how he could even afford that.

 

“My dad’s been a tailor for thirty years, he’s trying to teach me how.  So yes, I can tailor suits.  He says I’m getting pretty good.”

 

“Well… yeah, you are… Really good.  REALLY good.  But… did anyone else know about this?” Josh asked.

 

There was a round of “News to me”’s and “Nope”s.

 

Chester explained, “Look, it’s not like a deep dark secret or anything, but yeah, I don’t exactly advertise it either.  So I’d appreciate it if you’d keep quiet about it.  Yes.  I can sew.  The big, strong, scary-looking black man can sew.  And dance.  Get over it.”

 

Jeanette spoke up, “And you don’t want anyone to know  _ because _ you’re a big, strong, scary-looking black man?”

 

“That’s right.  I don’t look the part, so it’s kind of embarrassing.  Sewing is supposed to be women’s work.  And dancing is kind of...”

 

“But wrestling and football are the right jobs for big, strong, scary-looking black men.  I get it.  So…”, Jeanette continued, “You feel like you have to  _ be _ what you  _ look _ like, because that’s what people expect.  Did I get that right?”

 

“Well… it sounds stupid when  _ you _ say it…”

 

“‘S Okay”, she said, facing Chester but with her eyes focused on Josh, “You’re not the only one.“

 

Josh, staring right back at her, knew exactly what she meant.  He’d think about that later.

 

* * *

 

After everyone had their fill of barbeque, shish-kabob, corn-on-the-cob, red beans, and rice (usually combined into “red-beans-and-rice”), they started to haul their chairs into the fifty-foot-long screened-in canopy as evening approached.  Caleb brought in a few mosquito traps too, and lit off five mosquito coils.  In the wetlands of Louisiana, mosquitoes are a summertime force of nature, and the evenings are the worst.  Cars have to use their windshield wipers in order to see, they get so thick.  The only bug that’s worse are the love-bugs (so-called because they fly around hooked together in pairs), which don’t bite, but can actually foul a car’s radiator as well as etch the paint if they’re not removed daily.  Luckily, their season is very short, only a week or so.  Mosquitoes last from spring to fall.

 

Jeanette and Adam - an established couple by now - stopped as they crossed in front of Josh and Caleb, whose Walmart plastic chairs were also side-by-side.  

 

“Awww, you guys are such a cute couple!” Jeanette not-quite-squealed.

 

“Cut it out, Jeanette”, Caleb admonished her.

 

“What… you don’t think you’re a cute couple?”

 

“I’m not ‘cute’.   _ He’s _ ‘cute’.”

 

“I said cute  _ COUPLE _ , girlfriend.  Stop being such a bitch.”

 

Caleb heard Josh chuckle.  “It’s not funny”, he said, giving up on Jeanette and facing Josh.

 

“Yes, it really is, girlfriend” Josh replied, “Now go get me another Miller Lite.”  It’s legal in Louisiana for minors to drink alcohol on private property, even without parental consent.

 

“Why should I?  Get it yourself.”

 

“Because if you don’t, I’ll give you the ‘caught a pervert staring at me’ look.”

 

Caleb thought about it.  “Fine”, he said, and off he went.

 

Everyone settled down to watch the sunset over the marsh, albeit through the mosquito screen.  There were about twenty people altogether, and Josh could hear constant small-talk with smatterings of laughter now and again.  He felt utterly at ease, at home, at peace.  When Caleb returned with his beer, he resumed his seat without ever saying a word, and the two of them just sat there in silence while the sun went down.  Caleb always enjoyed this serene feeling - he’d been doing this kind of thing all his life.  For Josh, it was his first time, and in later life this night would be the first thing he would remember whenever he thought of his teenage years.

 

* * *

 

After Prom and Graduation, and signing a new contract with his agency as an adult, Josh went to work full time.  But ‘work’ changed dramatically.   There were still photo-shoots, and there were still runway shows, but the marketing turned up to full blast.  He was marketing a lifestyle, as well as himself. 

 

He had to attend far more “important” parties and other entertainment-industry events, however obscure.  He was often sent to night-clubs in NYC, not to actually  _ do _ anything, but just to be eye-candy, or “dress the room” in industry parlance.  He became a walking advertisement for for the glam-life so often depicted in magazines and Hollywood-centric television shows as the paragon of the life everyone  _ should _ want to lead, if they were cool.  Or hip. Or, using the latest slang, “lit”.   Being a club kid and androgynous aspiring super-model were about as “lit” as it was possible to be without adding ‘movie star’ into the mix.  Josh’s agent was working on that.

 

As a result of this, he found himself having to be ‘on’ all the time, pretending to be enjoying himself, pretending that these other partiers were his friends, pretending that he had it all and it still wasn’t enough.

 

He hated it.  Yet, apparently, he was expected to love it, because people who didn’t have it wanted it so much.  His only hope was that someday he might become famous enough to tell his handlers to go to hell.  The fashionable life turned out to be almost exactly the opposite of what it was made to look like.   He had no way of knowing, but many of those around him felt the same way, although there were a very rare few who actually  _ did _ buy glamour at face-value. The majority, though, needed some form of escape, and usually the escape routes were drugs, alcohol, and sex.  All three were offered to him like candy, by the double-handfuls.  

 

The drugs he could at least fake - he’d pretend to swallow whatever he couldn’t refuse without acquiring a reputation, and spit them out as soon as he could. The alcohol he could beg off, claiming that he feared combining it with the drugs.  The offers of sex were more difficult to escape without losing his mystique, but he was learning tricks for that.  Vomiting on cue, for instance, saved him from a lot of distasteful assignations.   It was one of the very few bodily functions that no one - so far - seemed to have a fetish for.

 

Meanwhile, his modeling agency played it all up and tried their best to make sure that everyone knew what a wild and crazy time Josh was having everywhere he went.  They hired a team of social-media experts to fill Twitter, Instagram, youTube, and Facebook with “genuine” Josh, although Josh himself provided no input at all.  His social-media presence was entirely made-up.  They even bought fake followers, likes,  and views by the hundreds or thousands to raise his ranking in each platform.  Most were purchased from Chinese click-farms.

 

The time he could manage to spend in Caleb’s world became more precious to him than diamonds, maybe than life itself.  It was the only way he could withstand the onslaught of “the life”, as the glamorous people called it.  

 

That life burned out all but the hardiest of survivors within a single year, and it went on without end as long as the public continued to suck it up.  In fact, it seemed to become  _ more _ popular as time went by.  The media loved and supported this ecosystem because, compared to movies, television shows, or even cartoons, “reality glamour” was super-cheap to produce, therefore the profit-margin was super-high.  Only home shopping shows and religious programming were cheaper, and those garnered far, far less viewers or advertising dollars.

 

Josh never spoke about any of this with Caleb, or anyone else, for that matter.  He informed everyone that the things they saw “from him” on social media were all lies, but other than that, his modeling life became a shameful secret.

 

Caleb didn’t have a clue, and Josh wanted to keep it that way.

 

* * *

 

“So why can’t I go?”, Caleb asked.  He and Josh were watching-not-watching a movie at Josh’s house.

 

“Because I said so.  Just drop it, okay?”

 

“I’ve seen you work  _ once _ Josh.  That’s all I know about your world, the world where you’re spending way more time than you do with me in mine.  I just want to see more of what it’s like.  School’s going to start again pretty soon, plus New Orleans is only about as far away as your house is from mine, so it’s like the perfect chance.  It’s not even a shoot, it’s a  _ party _ .  So why can’t I go with you?”  Caleb really did just want to know more about Josh’s ‘world’.  It was so different from his own, and it was there Josh lived most of his life now.  

 

“Caleb... “, Josh began but stalled.  He knew exactly the words he wanted to say, he just didn’t want to say them. Eventually, he did anyway, “Look, you’re  _ proud _ of your world, all right?  I’m… I’m ashamed of mine.  That’s why I don’t want you to see it.”

 

“You’re ashamed of modeling?  You told me before that you liked it…”

 

“Modeling yes.  But it’s gone beyond that now - they’re trying to make me a celebrity.  I have to do a lot of things I don’t want to just to keep attention focused on myself.  I don’t even  _ want _ to go to this damn party!  But I have to because a lot of big names will be there, and I have to network with them so they’ll know who I am.”

 

“But… it isn’t… I mean, they all know you’re gay right?  Is bringing a boyfriend part of the problem?”

 

“What?  No!  That has nothing to do with it.  It’s just…  Caleb, during that one shoot, you saw me fake a lot of emotions and looks, for like five minutes at a time, at the most.  Now imagine me doing that for  _ hours _ , constantly.  One: it’s exhausting.  Two: I won’t have any time to pay attention to you.  And three: if you were my date,  _ you _ would have to put on an act too.  Everyone at these things does.  Even the important, powerful people have to act a certain way so everyone will know how important and powerful they are.  So it kind of sucks for everyone involved, at least until they get drunk or high enough.  Then if they fall out-of-character, they can just blame the booze or drugs, and everyone’s cool with that.”

 

“What would I have to act like?”

 

* * *

 

“Karl, this is my boyfriend, Caleb Thibodeaux. Caleb - this is Karl Lagerfeld, he’s the creative director at Chanel and Fendi, as well as his own label.”

 

“Uhm, very nice to meet you, Mr. Lagerfeld,” Caleb said by rote.  Of all the striking figures at his party, Mr. Lagerfeld was by far one of the scariest looking.  His ridiculously high shirt-collar hid his entire neck, and he wore dark sunglasses even though he was indoors and the room was not exactly brightly lit.  His face seemed set in a permanent scowl, as if to indicate that he had little use for all these commoners.

 

“Thibodeaux… Acadian French, I take it?” Karl asked him.

 

“Uh, yeah.  We usually…” Somehow Caleb had never noticed that ‘Cajun’ was a bastardization of ‘Acadian’.  It didn’t seem wise to try to correct the old man, though, so he simply backtracked, “Yes, Acadian French.  There’s a lot of us around here.”  He immediately regretted saying that last part, everyone knew that Cajuns came from southern Louisiana.  Would Karl think he was calling him stupid?  Josh was right - this acting business was exhausting.

 

“And obviously an athlete too.  You look uncomfortable in that suit, but at least it’s fitted well.  Muscular boys don’t usually look good in suits.  I imagine you normally wear jeans and tee-shirts?  And athletic shoes of some sort?”

 

“Well… yeah…”, Caleb responded, unable to think of anything else to say on the spot.

 

“None of which ever match each other, I imagine…”, the old man added.

 

“Well… no… I’m not sure what ‘match’ would even mean in jeans and tee-shirts…”

 

“Wouldn’t you?  That’s interesting.  I will have to think about that”, Karl said, and then turned his attention back to Josh, “You’re a lucky boy, Josh Viator.  But now please excuse me, I see Sarah Burton by herself, and I owe her a burn over her latest attempt at handbag design.  Farewell, boys.”

 

Caleb finally felt like he could at least breathe again without being judged for it.  He said quietly, “Well, that was weird.  Was he looking at me funny?”

 

“Probably.  He’s gay, and we’re the only ‘boys’ here.  That’s one of the reasons I had to come - I’m the only male model at this party, so it’s a chance to really stand out.  Caleb?  You should probably find a men’s room and wash your face - you’re sweating bullets.  Just keep your head down and take a stall if anyone’s in there.  You’re doing okay so far.”

 

“Yeah, good idea”, Caleb said, desperate to find a way out of the room, even if only for a moment.  They’d only been there for half an hour, but it seemed like days to him.

 

There were many young female models milling about, flitting from one Big Name to the next, constantly flirting, trying to be memorable.  And there were lots of powerful men, somewhat fewer powerful women.  But Josh and Caleb were the only young males, and Josh was as pretty as ever.  One of the powerful men - not nearly as much so as Karl Lagerfeld, but fairly important nonetheless - kept glancing at Josh.  Josh was aware of it, and kept his distance.  He knew that look.

 

Caleb found himself alone in the men’s room, for which he thanked God.  He washed his face and then took a stall after making sure the others were empty.  He needed some alone time to calm down.  This was  _ not _ fun.  How did Josh stand it?

 

He spent ten minutes in there - longer than he’d really intended to, and found Josh smiling and laughing with a group out on the balcony, a drink in his hand.  He’d told Caleb not to drink anything, alcoholic or not, and informed him that he wouldn’t either, so that was kind of surprising.   

 

It took a couple of minutes to pull Josh away from the group.  He seemed to be laughing a  _ lot _ .  Josh wasn’t a big laugher… was it just an act?

 

“You said you weren’t going to drink anything, Josh…” 

 

“Oh relax.  It’sh just Coke, nothing in it.  I got thirsty.  Awww… are you worried about meeee?”

 

“I was only in the restroom for ten minutes.  Why do you seem drunk?”

 

“I’m snot drunk!  Give me a break, man…” Josh said louder than he needed to.  He tried to pull away from Caleb’s hold on his arm and almost stumbled.

 

Caleb made a command decision, “Okay, something is going on here, and we’re leaving.  If you fight me on this, it’s going to make a scene, and I don’t think you want that.  So just c’mon.”

 

Josh didn’t fight.  He kind of wanted to leave anyway.  He felt good, yes, and was having fun, yes, but he also felt so tired. Not as in “exhausted”, but just sleepy.  Almost at the door, a man stepped into Caleb’s path.  It was the one who’d been staring at Josh.

 

“Is something wrong?  You’re leaving so early…” the man said to Josh, ignoring Caleb.

 

Josh never got a chance to formulate an answer before Caleb responded.  “Yeah, we are.  He’s feeling tired.  Excuse us.”

 

The man looked sternly at Caleb and put a hand on his shoulder, “Maybe he can rest up in my room, it’s close by.  I’ll -”

 

Without saying anything, Caleb whirled on the man, his elbow coming up to smack loudly into the man’s face.  He obviously hadn’t been expecting that, and toppled backward to the floor.  Caleb didn’t wait to see what would happen next, quickly pulling Josh out the door, down the hall, and into the fire escape stairwell.  No one had followed him so far.

 

Thinking fast, Caleb ushered Josh  _ up _ the stairs.  For one thing, no one would expect them to go up instead of down, and for another, it’s far easier to climb stairs when drunk than to go down them.  At the next floor up, they finally got an elevator to take them down.  

 

“Hey Caleb… do you shink I’m pretty?” Josh asked, his slurring getting worse fast.

 

That caught Caleb off-guard.   _ That _ is what Josh was concerned about?  NOW?  “Yes, you’re pretty.  You’re fucking beautiful.  You take my breath away.  And you probably won’t remember me saying so tomorrow.”

 

“I like it when you shay that I’m pretty…”  Josh mumbled drunkenly, his face buried in Caleb’s shoulder and his eyes already closed.

 

By the time Caleb got Josh to his SUV, he was barely responsive at all.  Now it was obvious that Josh had been drugged.  It was also fairly obvious by whom, and Caleb could guess why.

 

* * *

 

“Where… where am I?” Josh asked the next morning, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

 

“‘Bout time you woke up.  We’re in Darrin’s house.  You get washed up, I’ll bring you some breakfast and we can talk.  Back in a bit,” Caleb said.  It was still early in the morning, Josh hadn’t slept overly long or anything, but Caleb hadn’t slept  _ at all _ , while watching over the other boy.  

 

Taking Josh to Josh’s house would’ve involved a lot of questions.  He could have taken him to his  own home, but Caleb was scared, and really needed to talk to Darrin, if only to hear that he’d done the right thing.  Darrin had agreed that he had, and offered them the guest bedroom.

 

“So just cereal and milk.  I didn’t want to take the time to cook anything, hope that’s okay,” Caleb said coming back in.

 

“‘S fine.  So, did you go ahead and rape me while I was out?”  Josh asked, smiling at him.

 

“What?!  No!  What the fuck, Josh?” 

 

“Aww, too bad.  Would’ve been hot.”

 

“Are you serious?”  This was no laughing matter to Caleb.  

 

“No, I’m just trying to lighten up before it gets depressing.  I was roofied, right?  Last thing I remember is something about you knocking some guy on his ass while you were dragging me out of there.  So… I guess you saved me.  Thanks for that.  Really, I’m glad you were there.”

 

“Okay… okay, yeah, I figure that’s what happened too.  Why were you even drinking anything?  You kept telling me not to, no matter what.  So why were you?”

 

“I went to the bar and watched the bartender pour it from the can and everything.  So I figured it’d be safe.  The guy must have spiked it later.  I’ve seen it happen before, first time I’ve been the target, though.”

 

“That happens a  _ lot _ at the parties you go to?”

 

“I don’t know about ‘a lot’, but yeah, it’s no surprise.  Rich old men, young sexy struggling models, lots of alcohol and drugs… it happens.  See why I didn’t want you to go?  That’s what I have to live with.  That’s not even the worst of it.”

 

“Well what the fuck is the worst of it then?” Caleb cried in astonishment.  Was this really Josh’s ‘world’?

 

“Well, okay, it’s probably the worst  _ criminal _ act, that I know of at least.  The worst part… to me, I mean… is how everything…  Uh, I can’t really explain.  All I can think of is ‘superficial’, and that doesn’t really do it justice.”

 

“You hate it, don’t you…”, Caleb asked, watching Josh’s eyes closely.

 

He needn’t have paid such close attention because Josh was sick, almost literally, of pretending.  “Yeah”, he said.

 

“Why do you keep doing it then?  You once said you were afraid you’d have to ‘sell your soul’ to be famous.  Looks like that’s exactly what you  _ are _ doing…”  

 

Now Josh looked into Caleb’s eyes instead.  “You know.”

 

“I know a lot of the reasons why you don’t not… uh… why you… I know a lot of reasons that AREN’T why you don’t quit.  I know it’s not the money.  I know you’re not worried about how long it will go on.  And now I’m pretty sure it’s not because you want to be famous.  So what is it?  What’s keeping you in the business?”

 

Josh sighed deeply.  He knew exactly what the answer was.  He’d spent hours staring at himself in the mirror looking for that answer, and found it weeks ago.  It was hard to admit, even to himself - how was he supposed to admit something like that to Caleb?   _ Especially _ to Caleb!  It wouldn’t make any sense to Caleb.  Other models, maybe, but damn sure not Caleb!

 

On the other hand, wasn’t not telling Caleb the same thing as pretending that it wasn’t so?

 

“I need people to tell me I’m pretty, Caleb.  I know you don’t get that, but please don’t laugh - it’s a real thing.  Everyone at work goes on and on about how I look and… and I just need to hear it.  That’s all,” Josh paused, thinking about what he’d just said.  That was the first time he’d ever said it out loud.  But there was something else, too, a grown-up reason he couldn’t just quit: “And also, I signed a contract.  If I don’t do what they want, they’ll sue the shit out of me.”

 

Caleb knew nothing about contracts or law, but he knew people who did, so he filed that away for later.  He’d always felt that Josh was too hung up on his looks, but it was hard to fault him for that, since Caleb was too.  For Caleb, it was almost impossible to separate how he felt about Josh from how he felt about Josh’s looks.  He’d tried.  Everytime he thought about something he liked about Josh, he’d feel like he was just lying to himself.  Was it really  _ all _ about how pretty he was?  Was he really that shallow?  

 

“You don’t think anyone… You don’t think  _ I  _ would like you if you weren’t so hot?”

 

Josh looked at him out of the corner of his eye, “Well, you tell me.  Would you?”

 

“Pretty sure I would.”

 

“‘Pretty sure’, huh?  Well, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t.  What’s there to like about me?  I’m vain - extremely vain - and self-centered and egotistical.  My picture is next to ‘conceited’ in the dictionary.  And the only reason I decided to meet with you in the first place is because of how  _ you _ looked, you know.  All we have is physical attraction for each other.  And sex.  Good thing we’re both gay, huh?”

 

While they’d been talking, the rest of #operationcaleb had gathered as usual in Darrin’s living-room.  It was the last Friday before the new school year started.  Josh and Caleb had been hearing the cars drive up, doors slamming, chairs being scooted around - they knew what was going on. No one knew the two boys were there in the guest bedroom though, unless Darrin had been telling them.  That didn’t seem likely though.

 

Caleb had an idea.  “Yeah, we’re gay.  But we’re the  _ only _ homos in the group.  Get dressed, I need to show you something.”

 

“I’m already dressed.”  Well, sort of - Josh was wearing a pair of Darrin’s jeans, but nothing else.

 

“I mean put on the shirt I brought in.  The straight guys get all flustered seeing you topless, which is usually funny to watch, but this time I need them clear-headed.  Now hurry up.”

 

“You get pretty flustered too…”

 

“Yeah, but I’m getting more used to it all the time.  It’s just…” Caleb paused as he stared at Josh while memories of Josh’s torso flooded his mind.  The sight, the feel, the smell and…  He had to shake himself out of it, “Just put on the damn shirt and stop trying to distract me, Okay? “

 

* * *

 

“Well, look who was already here!  And check out the bed-head!” Adam - the newly-minted yaoi fanboy - said loudly.

 

After the round of hoots and awww’s died down, Caleb said, “Fuck off.  We don’t have sex when we’re a guest in someone’s house.  Now be serious - I have a question for all of you.”  He paused looking at Josh, wondering what he had in mind would really make a difference.  Didn’t Josh  _ ever _ have friends who didn’t care how he looked?  Then again, Caleb certainly didn’t count as one, now did he…  “Okay.  Raise your hand if you like Josh.  And don’t make this weird, I mean just ‘like’ as in a friend.”

 

Everyone’s hand went up, and they looked at Caleb incredulously.  Wasn’t it obvious?

 

“That’s what I thought.  Now, who here is attracted - I mean  _ sexually _ attracted - to him because of his looks?”  Caleb raised his own hand.

 

He was surprised when Dustin’s hand also went up.

 

“Dustin?  Uhm… seriously?” Caleb asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m bisexual, apparently.   _ I _ didn’t know until Josh came along, but yeah.  Everyone get that?  I’m bi.  But I have a girlfriend now, so don’t even  _ think _ of starting any kind of #operationdustin for me.  I’ll let you know when and if I’m ever looking for a boyfriend, all right?”

 

Jeanette said to Josh, and the group in general, “You should see how he stares at you when you’re not watching.  Reminds me of Caleb, except Dustin seems less hung up on your crotch.”

 

“Jeanette…” Dustin sighed.

 

“He likes your butt more.”

 

“Jeanette!”

 

“Don’t get mad, I’m not the only one who’s noticed.  It’s so cute!  Sorry, that was the fangirl inside me.  I’m done now.”

 

“If I may continue?”, Caleb said, annoyed, “So other than Dustin, I assume the rest of you aren’t really attracted to Josh, right?”

 

No one said anything.

 

“Right!?  Guys?”

 

Phan went first, “Well… to be honest, I wouldn’t exactly kick him out of bed…”

 

Adam: “I’m up for experimenting, no prob.  I’d have to be the seme, though.”

 

Chester: “Is his cock as cute as the rest of him is?  I might go for that…”

 

“Goddamnit”, Caleb complained.  This wasn’t going how he’d planned.

 

Josh was grinning broadly (so was Dustin).  “Sorry Caleb”, he said, “I thought you knew.  Straight guys are my target demographic.  They’re all gay for me, more or less.”

 

Jeanette cut in, “Caleb, I think I know where you’re going with this, but yeah, you kind of took a wrong turn.  Just because YOU can’t separate Josh the Person from Josh the Face, you think no one else can either.   Out of all the people in this room, only me and Josh - I’m assuming - don’t find femininity attractive.  So to answer the question you never got around to asking: yes, I like Josh for other reasons than just how he looks.    His looks - and yes, I can tell he’s beautiful - are just kind of ‘meh’ to me.  Probably the same way Adam’s looks are ‘meh’ to you. “

 

“Well good then.  Finally.  So what do you like about him then?” Caleb asked.  Josh looked on with curiosity too.

 

“First of all - he’s genuine.  Which seems strange, given what he does for a living.  Second, he’s funny - especially when he’s picking on you.  I just love that.  You fall for it every time, too… it’s kind of amazing.”

 

“I know, right?” Josh chimed in.

 

“I could go on… I could run through the whole Boy Scouts pledge or motto or whatever it is.  ‘Clean, punctual, loyal, honest’... whatever else.  Maybe not ‘reverent’... but still tho.  Josh is just a cool dude, and I like him.”

 

Darrin: “Yup.”

 

Phan: “Got that right.”

 

Adam: “Well said.”

 

Dustin: “There ya go.”

 

Chester: “Totally.  Totes amazeballs, in fact.  Always wanted to say that.”

 

Josh was taken aback.  He’d been called a lot of things, a lot of  _ flattering _ things, even,  but never ‘just a cool dude’.  It meant more to him than the gang would ever know.  In fact, it seemed too good to be true…

 

“Okay, thanks guys”, Josh said, concentrating on not choking up,  “So now tell me what’s wrong with me.  I’m pretty sure I have flaws.”

 

Darrin: “Vain.  Oh my god.  Not sure it’s really fair to blame you for that, though.”

 

Phan: “Too sarcastic for me.  It’s depressing.”

 

Jeanette: “Total fashion  _ SLAVE! _ ”

 

Dustin: “Nipples are too small.”  Everyone did a double-take at Dustin.  “Well, they are!”

 

Chester: “You seem to keep a lot of secrets from Caleb.  He’s supposed to be your boyfriend.  I don’t approve of that.”

 

Adam: “Frustratingly stupid about what matters most to yourself.  I wonder if you even know.”

 

“Damn…” Josh said.  He hadn’t expected that many criticisms. “But after all that, I’m still a ‘cool dude’?”

 

Caleb answered, looking him in the eye, “Yeah, after all that, you’re still a cool dude.  And I love you.”

 

Josh kissed him on the cheek, after which Caleb blushed furiously.

 

“Awww!” Jeanette squealed.

 

“So kyoot!”, so did Adam.

 

“Lucky bastard”, Dustin complained.

 


	8. Epilogue

Chap 8 - Epilogue

 

Justin’s mother was a probate lawyer, who knew a contract lawyer, who knew another contract lawyer who specialized in Entertainment.  Reading over Josh’s contract, yes, he was indeed required to show up for all paid work.   _ Paid _ work.  Photo-shoots and runway shows.  He wasn’t getting paid for any of the other things he was doing.  His pay for the shoots and shows was to be negotiated case-by-case by the agency, but he was free to negotiate his own pay for anything else, or to just outright refuse.  For technical legal reasons, Josh was told that it would be better to ask for too much money rather than point-blank refuse his agency’s “suggestions”.  So be it.  Want to have Josh attend your party?  That’ll be fifteen thousand dollars - today’s special rate.  Might be more tomorrow.  A little late perhaps, but Josh finally had someone on his side.

 

As a result of Josh’s refusal to become a canned celebrity, his career wound down a lot and flattened out at what might be called C-list fame, but still A-list model, and that suited him just fine. He’d developed a new expression that became very popular, to the point of becoming an internet meme.  He called it his “Caleb makes me mad” look.  Example: “He laughed when I told him about my speeding ticket” - picture of Josh’s withering scowl - “Caleb makes me mad”. The meme was a little embarrassing, but at least now he had a lot more time to enjoy his boyfriend. 

 

Caleb was up to Beginner Intermediate level tango by now, behind Josh by only two ranks.  The dancing got a lot sexier as the two boys got better at it.  So much so, in fact, that they seldom made it all the way home afterward without stopping for some backseat… stuff.

 

#operationcaleb stopped calling themselves that because apparently it had been successfully concluded.  They kept a close eye on Dustin and his girlfriend, sort of quietly hoping they’d break up and then Dustin might try out for the other team.  But that didn’t happen.  However, they’d acquired a reputation, and early in the school year they were surprised to be approached by a freshman girl - Cynthia - who had followed #operationcaleb and hoped they might find her a girlfriend.  Cynthia was an extreme tomboy; she rode a crotch-rocket motorcycle, practiced Thai kickboxing, and collected M.C. Escher prints, of which she had three so far.  She became the groups newest member and the Team had to re-think their whole search strategy. They decided against creating another hashtag.  Jeanette was disappointed because here they’d  _ finally _ enlisted another girl, but still only Josh and herself appreciated masculine beauty.

 

Caleb continued playing baseball, getting better at it all the time.  His team made it to the regionals that year, and expected to play in the State playoffs next year.  Due to Caleb’s popularity and stature on the team, the best players from surrounding towns started transferring to the Golden Meadow school system.  If any of the new guys teased Caleb about being gay - even in a friendly way - someone would show that person a picture of Josh shirtless.  That shut them up.

 

And so passed Caleb’s Jr. year of high school.  Meanwhile, Chester and Dustin graduated and went their separate ways: Chester, with his father, re-opened their tailoring business in New Orleans, while Dustin went to an Ivy League law school out-of-state, mostly his mother’s idea.  Becky, Josh’s younger sister, started college to become an orthodontist. She’d always had a weird thing about teeth.

 

That summer, the boys had a little adventure.

 

“Wait. So you  _ want _ me to go?” Caleb asked, not quite able to believe it.  Josh had never asked him anything like this before.

 

“Yeah.  It’s only three days in Paris - one runway show, a bunch of location shoots after that, but travel will take a day each way.  It’s super boring.  And then I’m alone in the hotel… but if you were with me, it might actually be fun.”

 

Caleb thought about it.  There was one unpleasant aspect… “You’ll be paying for everything?”

 

“Well, either me or the agency, depending, but it won’t cost you anything, promise.”

 

“So you’re going to be my sugar-daddy, is that how it’ll work?”  Caleb was of two minds about being “supported” by Josh.  He felt like it  _ should _ be a blow to his ego.  On the other hand - a week in Paris with Josh?  Oh FUCK yes.  “And I get to be with you the whole time, right?  Backstage, on location, everywhere.  Right?”

 

The phrase “get to be with you” struck Josh like a truck, but he tried to hide the fact that his insides were melting.  “Uh… yeah.  I can get you in backstage at the show, but it’s going to be another one of those ‘please try to stay out of the way’ deals…  The location shoots won’t be crowded though.  And… look, I know the money thing is awkward, but maybe we can just sort of pretend like it isn’t?  For a week?”

 

“Actually, it doesn’t feel as awkward as I thought,” Caleb said.  They had never been competitive about anything, probably due to the degrees of separation of their two worlds.  “We’ve never had to fight over who’s on top, after all.  I don’t think… that I have anything to prove.  So yes.  YES!  I’ll take that deal!”

 

“You won’t miss any important baseball stuff?”

 

“Nothing serious.  But even if there were - Paris with you, or baseball.  Not a tough choice, Josh...”

 

“But I thought you were so dedicated to the sport.  You sure?”

 

“I’m sure.  Unlike  _ some _ people, I know how to make choices for life over career.”  Caleb said that with a faint smile, but serious eyes.

 

“Is that right...  Okay, then teach me.  How do you decide?”

 

“It’s like this,” Caleb replied, “Which one are you going to remember fondly in thirty years?  I think that’s ‘nuff said.”

 

Josh thought about that.  “You may have a point.  Damn.  That’s pretty smart, for you.”

 

“Fuck off, girly-boy.  Speaking of...”

 

That night, it was Josh’s turn to be the bottom, and he had an inkling of an idea.  He’d been thinking lately about what attracted him to Caleb.  The muscles, the ripped torso, etc and so forth.  The muscles represented power.  Josh liked Caleb’s power.  But in bed, Caleb was so gentle... almost like he was afraid he’d break the other boy.  Well, androgyn or not, Josh wasn’t  _ that _ fragile.

 

“Harder, Caleb.  … No, I mean  _ harder! _  Like you want to hurt me...”

 

“But I don’t  _ want _ to hurt you,” Caleb protested.

 

“I’ll let you know if anything starts to hurt, believe me.  Now pound the fuck out of me!  As hard as you can!  Just do it, Caleb!”

 

So Caleb did, ramming himself in so hard and fast that Josh’s butt was pushed down onto the bed, no longer the usual face-down/ass-up position.  Josh had to struggle to keep his hips pushed up so that Caleb’s cock would line up right, and still the other boy pounded him flat with each stroke.  Josh had to brace himself against the headboard to keep from being forced forward on the bed. 

 

Usually Josh would grunt softly while he was fucked.  A half-grunt/ half-moan kind of thing.  Not this time.  “Unh! Unh!  Unh!” he’d cry in time with Caleb’s strokes, almost as if the other boy were slamming the cock directly into his diaphragm.   He wasn’t, but Josh preferred to imagine that he was. 

 

In fact, they were  _ both _ making a lot of noise. Josh’s mother, downstairs watching TV, turned the volume up in an attempt to drown the boys out. It didn’t really work.  “Boys…” she smirked to herself. She knew what was going on, and could still remember what it was like.  “My little boy - getting fucked hard up the ass.  Eh, life is funny sometimes.”  She had to smile.

 

There’s a phenomenon that sometimes happens during sex - usually to the penetrated partner, whether male or female, when the orgasm is so intense that one is actually unable to move for a while after the spasms die down.  It has a name.  Caleb fucked Josh silly.

 

* * *

 

The trip was indeed memorable.  Josh had to work during the day, but in the evening and night, they had Paris to themselves.  It doesn’t  _ get _ much more romantic than that.  They had a lot of sex.  They also made a lot of love - a different kind of sex.  Remembering their first trip to Paris thirty years later, they would both still get hard.  

 

In his senior year, Caleb was finally approached by scouts.  But not Pro scouts - college scouts.  His team made it to state, but lost the final game.  Which was disappointing, but not as much as Caleb had supposed it would be.  He was just starting to realize that what he liked about baseball - about sports in general - wasn’t so much winning; it was about being part of a team.  Sure, a  _ winning _ team was great - and would make great memories - but really, it was the experience of being  _ on _ a team that mattered most.  He thought about that off and on all summer, while he waited for classes to start at Louisiana State University.  And he eventually came to a realization:

 

“So now you want to be a coach instead of a Pro?” Josh asked.  He had accompanied Caleb to the LSU campus in New Orleans just to look around (he claimed), and now they were leaving the Student Union after having tacos for lunch.  Not very  _ good _ tacos… but even bad tacos are still pretty good.

 

“Maybe.  I mean, if I were to get scouted and drafted by a Pro team, that’d be great. I don’t think I’d ever turn that down… but that probably wouldn’t last long, even if I made it.  So I’m thinking of coaching as sort of a fall-back, and I’ve been googling how to make it happen.  I think I can do it.  And then I’ll  _ never _ have to give up baseball, even when I’m old and wrinkly.”

 

That, of course, touched a nerve in Josh.  “Ugh, don’t talk about ‘old and wrinkly’.  Thanks for that image.”

 

Caleb knew all about Josh’s fear of aging.  “Listen, Josh… by the time we’re that old, it won’t matter anymore.  I don’t mean that as an insult or anything, but I’m already kind of starting to see how that could happen.  It’ll be okay.”

 

“By the time  _ we _ are that old, huh?  You’d better tell me I’m pretty right now, mister.”

 

“I can do that…” Caleb considered.  In this quiet part of the campus, under all these trees, on a brick sidewalk, with a summer breeze… the ambience could only be called ‘mellow’.  And Caleb felt mellow, too.  He had said ‘we’ without thinking, but was thinking about it now. 

 

“I can totally do that,” he said, “You take my breath away, Josh.  Even after all this time… three years now.  And I’m not just saying that - when you take off your shirt I literally still forget to breathe sometimes.  And swear to god, when you smile at me, my heart actually skips a beat, just like it did when we first met at Alzina’s restaurant.  _ Every _ time.  I’ve gotten used to it, but it still happens.  You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and that includes sunsets and sandy beaches and Paris at night.”

 

Josh had to look away.  “Damn, Caleb…”

 

“Yeah, that came out pretty good, didn’t it…  Kind of proud of that.”  

 

“Yes it did, so don’t ruin it by trying to be clever,” Josh said, wiping his eyes and trying to be casual about it.

 

“Have I ever seemed clever?” Caleb asked.  He’d never thought of himself as particularly ‘clever’ or ‘witty’ or even ‘smart’.  He was a jock.  Everyone knew that jocks were stupid.  He just assumed that ‘everyone’ was right.

 

“You have your moments.  I don’t tell you about them because I don’t want you to get a big head.”

 

“Probably a good idea,” Caleb replied half-seriously.  “So hey, you come to N’awlins to work all the time, right?  We can get together when you do.  It might work out better than before, even.”

 

That was a seque  Josh had been waiting for:  “Actually, Caleb, I’ve been thinking about a fallback too, so I’m going to start LSU at the same time you do.  I’ve decided to become a vet.”

 

Josh was going to college?  WITH Caleb?  This was HUGE news!  As a result, his brain wasn’t quite working right, “Aren’t… don’t you have to join the Army to do that?”

 

Josh could only burst out in laughter.

 

“Oh, shit… Okay, that was the stupidest thing I’ve ever said. In my life.  God...”

 

Josh was still laughing too hard to respond.  Caleb watched him, unable to help smiling.  Seeing Josh laugh like that was a rare treat.  A treasure, even.  Totally worth making fool out of oneself for, although he hadn’t planned it.  In the future though, he would.  Just to see it again.

 

Finally Josh started calm down.  He wiped his eyes again, from a different set of tears.   

 

Caleb was incredulous, “So anyway, a veterinarian?  Where the fuck did  _ that _ come from?”

 

“I’ve been thinking about for a long time now - ever since that time I asked you what I’d be good at, and you asked me what I’d  _ like _ to be good at.  I want to work with animals.  I’ve never even had a pet.  I see other people with pets and envy them so  _ hard… _  So I’m going to have  _ all _ the pets!  Turns out, LSU is also one of the few places with an ‘exotic animals’ program, so I’ll be going for that, too.  Maybe I can get a job at a zoo… that’d just be too cool.”

 

“Most people would say that being a professional model is cool…”

 

“That’s because most people aren’t one.  I thought so too when I was little, but it wears off fast, trust me.”

 

“A zoo vet.  Wow.  That does sound awfully... cool,” Caleb had to admit.

 

“Yeah.  I’ll be a vet, you can be a coach.  Although it might take awhile…”  All this talk of the distant future, and getting old together, was affecting Josh in a new way.  “Hey Caleb… if we’re going to really do all this, and be together while we do, do you think we should-”

 

“STOP!” Caleb cried.

 

“Uh… huh?”

 

Without explaining himself, Caleb got to the point immediately, before it was too late: “Josh, would you marry me?”

 

Which actually  _ was _ what Josh was about to say, albeit in a more casual, less classical manner.  “That what I was about to ask you…”

 

“I know.  Just answer the question.”

 

“I don’t get it.  Why wasn’t it okay for me to do the asking?”

 

“Because then I’d have to tell everyone that  _ you _ were the one who proposed.  It… it’s just… I should be the one who proposes, is all,” Caleb explained.

 

“Oh, I see now.  Because I’m the girl, right?”

 

“No, you’re… Well… I guess kind of…  I didn’t really have time to think it through, all right?  Now  _ please _ answer the question!  You can call me stupid later.”

 

“Yes, Caleb, I’ll marry you.  After we graduate.  So now we’re engaged.  We’re each other’s fiancés.  And you get to be the ‘man’.  Happy now?”

 

“I’m sorry - I know it sounds stupid but-” Caleb began.

 

“No, actually, now that I think about it, it  _ does _ feel right. I just can’t explain why.”

 

“ _ After _ we graduate?” Caleb was still catching up.  “That’ll be at least six years!  To be a coach, I’ll have to go to grad school, that’s two more years on top of a BA, probably.”

 

“Yeah, and to be a vet, I will too.  Probably for longer than just two extra years.  So what?  It’s not like we need to get married soon so we can start having kids or anything.”

 

“Kids?”

 

Now there was something that had NEVER crossed Caleb’s mind before. Among the many other things he’d always ‘just assumed’, was that as a gay man, he could never have children.  But now he realized that there were lots of gay male couples with kids.  He stared off into the space beyond his fiancés shoulder thinking about it.  Josh watched him, slowly realizing what might be going through his head.  Suddenly Caleb’s eyes focused back on Josh. 

 

“Hey Josh, you think we could-”

 

“Oh God, what have I done?”

 

(the end)

 


End file.
